Hello, I’m January
Inspiration and thoughts on God and faith, written by a simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic.
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This Is Just The Rehearsal, Honey!
Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. James 1:12
I don’t handle inconvenience well. Or, let me rephrase that…I don’t handle daily nuisances well. And, of course-God knows this. I mean, he is all-knowing. He knows my every thought. He knows my actions before I act. He already knows exactly how I will respond to every situation that is thrown my way.
Usually it is not with the finesse, grace, and mercy in which I should respond.
And, this morning was no exception. See, I had big plans for my day off. Plans that involved that one selfish luxury I take glory in each month-a much needed haircut. Well, that is until my daughter started getting sick. Until my son lay on the porch kicking and screaming because he WAS NOT going to school without his sister. And, until after five minutes of wrestling, shin shots, and slaps in the face, I finally just got fed up, picked up the five year old from the ground, cleaned up the sick little girl, and gave up on doing one thing remotely “selfish” for the day.
Sounds like I may have handled this with a little bit of grace and finesse, but nope. Not.at.all. Truth is, as soon as my daughter made mere mention of the thought of needing to get sick, my thoughts and actions went into tailspin crazy! I yelled at my oldest to just get up already. I yelled at my youngest, because for once I just wanted him to pick this day to truly be “not autistic enough,” and to ride the bus alone. I cried because I knew that once again, the day would be filled with constant running back and forth to school due to said “bus” situation. And, darn it! All I wanted was a simple hair cut!
Grace? Finesse? Mercy? No. Not this morning. Anything but those.
Then I remembered a passage from the book by Wendy Blight, Living So That, one I am currently reading through Proverbs 31 Ministries on-line bible study. Just last night I had highlighted this message:
“How we handle adversity is an accurate barometer of where we are spiritually. When our barometer gives a low reading, it may be because we do not have an accurate understanding of God, or because we do not have a strong foundation in His Word. And sometimes the way God chooses to increase our barometer reading is through trials. Trials are often the only things that will drive us to our knees.”
Well, that’s a little convicting.
Because, where was I today spiritually? I think my spiritual barometer had stopped working-completely. And not once had I sought His guidance.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. James 1:2-3
And, he expects this faith and endurance in even the smallest and insignificant of trials. When the kids are sick. Again. When one child has kicked you in the shin. Again. When your plans are ruined. Again.
How I handle these small trials are a test and a glimpse into how I will handle the toughest of trials, which are sure to come. Will I turn to Him in the tough times if I can’t even seek Him in these trivial ones? Or, will I continuously lean on my own strength?
Goodness knows, each time I do, I most certainly fail!
Because this trivial stuff-this is just the rehearsal, honey!
So, instead of complaining about what went wrong today, I can seek His guidance in order to get through the rough patches.
Instead of sulking in a corner, crying into my coffee, I can open my Bible and soak myself in His Word. His promises.
Instead of cursing the moments that are made up of fights, chaos, and screaming, sick children…I can remember to embrace the moments like the one below. The ones God gives in the midst of “rough” days to remind us of His goodness!
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I’ll Keep My Joy, Thank You!
For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of what we eat or drink, but of living a life of goodness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. Romans 14:17
I am not usually a glass half full type of gal. Rain puts me in the worst of moods, and I can at times have quite the self-defeatist attitude.
These are also areas I have been asking God to help me overcome. Asking Him to help me see each day and situation in a more positive light.
So, of course the devil sneaks in to tempt me into using my words as piercing swords. To turn my mood into something as dark as the clouds outside. To try his hardest to steal my joy.
The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. John 10:10
And, I can let him, or I can take Paul’s advice in Galatians 5:22 and show the joy that is part of God’s spirit in me.
This thought makes me examine a few things. Do I let others determine how happy I am? Do I let my circumstances destroy my faith in God’s promises? Am I a beacon of joy that will bring others to Christ? Or a ball of negative energy that will cause them to turn away?
I had someone ask me recently if I was having a good day. I responded in truth, admitting that the morning had been a bit rough. After staying up into the wee hours of the morning to complete an assignment, and entertain two giggly girls over for a birthday sleepover, my exhaustion certainly made me want to feel anything but joy! I was tired, and I was pretty sure it was written all over my face.
“Yet, you are still smiling!” was the response. And yes, I do…I smile through a lot of the pain and sorrow that makes up this life.
Why not? What’s the alternative? To grumble? To complain? To curse my circumstances and the God who allowed them?
Do these actions keep life from happening? Messes from growing?
Weeping may last for the night, but joy comes with the morning. Psalm 30:5
Sure, I can choose to respond negatively, or I can choose to rejoice in the God who promises joy each morning.
I can be the example of Christ, “who for the joy set before him endured the cross,” and live out this same kind of joy in the midst of my own suffering.
I can rest in the promise that no money, no bigger house, no job, no pursuit of worldly happiness will ever come close to the joy that comes from God’s spirit living in me, or his promises for me.
So, you can have the rest-the money, the house, the world. I’ll keep my joy, thank you!
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From Positive to Negative in Less than 40 Hours…and Back Again!
You must be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. James 1:19
It has been close to a week since the end of the Lenten season, and most folks have started to engage in activities or consume treats they scarified in the name of Christ for 40 days. My son has started making his popcorn every night around 10 pm. My husband has perused the frozen aisle for Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream. Starbucks is once again hopping with latte lovers, and folks on social media hiatus are back in the mix.
And me? Well, I slowly wandered back into negative thoughts, angry outbursts over minor irritations, and yes, gossip. Just like my ice cream, popcorn, and Facebook starved counterparts, I was apparently making up for the 40 days in which I worked so hard biting my tongue, and staying positive.
A forgotten day at work earlier in the week threw me into pity party mode. I was hormonal (because this is the excuse we women allow ourselves, A LOT). I woke up on the grumpy side of bed the other morning. I survived two meltdowns courtesy of our five-year old son over uncomfortable clothes, weird shoes, and dead flowers. I was staying up late to work on a large project due at the end of the week. I was behind on housework, work for church, school work. I was in an overall tizzy.
As everything began to crumble around me, so did my “happy” meter. And I wanted EVERYONE around me to know it!
My husband knew how irritated I was that lunches were not packed.
I got a little snappy with co-workers because they had missed my “Hallmark” holiday.
I yelled at my kids, well, because I had a lot to do. And, darn it! I wanted to have a meltdown over clothes and dead flowers for once!
I moved from 40 days of positivity, to Negative Nancy mode all in the span of 40 hours!
Starting a quarrel is like opening the floodgate, so stop before a dispute breaks out. Proverbs 17:14
And, boy had I opened the floodgates!
I had clearly forgotten that building others up meant praising my kids for the things they do well, not just harping on all the things they do wrong, or don’t do at all.
I had forgotten that not tearing down, meant I stopped the self-defeating talk that made a list of all my weaknesses and flaws.
I forgot the importance of not getting caught up in solving the problems of the world-my way, of course.
I had forgotten the power of prayer and an encouraging word.
And I had forgotten that the call to be slow to speak or get angry could be the difference in whether one has a positive outlook, an overflowing “happy” meter, or a change in mood.
While I was snapping, stomping, complaining, and yelling-I had forgotten how to be like Jesus.
Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. Ephesians 5:1-2
Our lives will always be defined by circumstances and situations we face. Some will be good, and some not so. Most of them we do not choose, and cannot control.
But, we do have one choice. We can choose to change the way we see our circumstances. We can choose to change the way in which we respond to the annoyances that trickle into our daily activities.
Are we going to put on our rose colored glasses and see our situation as something positive? A learning experience? A chance to grow? A chance to become closer to God? A chance to encourage someone else? To share a word of praise or encouragement for what they have done?
Or are were going to put on our grumpy pants and see our situation from every sharp and stormy angle possible? A reason to stress even more? A reason to give up? A reason to lay on the floor and have a meltdown? A reason to not rely on God?
I know I want those rose colored glasses. I want to challenge myself to continue to speak life to those in my midst. To speak words of encouragement. To remain positive in a world that is anything but.
I want to remember that the call to speak the truth in love, to praise, to encourage, to be slow to speak wasn’t a call for 40 days only, but for all times. Even when I have been forgotten. Even when the side of my bed is a little grumpy. Even when my kids are driving me nuts. Even when I have too much to do, and too little time in which to do it. Even when all I want to do is give up, lay on the floor, and meltdown.
My choice? To speak life. To remain positive. To be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. For 40 minutes, 40 hours, 40 days, weeks, years, and beyond. How about you?
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So That My Pain Would Be No More
Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Hebrews 12:2
Why, Lord? So many times we ask this question when we are trying to make sense of our circumstances. We ask God why he would allow His children to suffer with pain, sorrow, and strife. I mean, the word says we have been made new. That the old is gone, and the new has come, so shouldn’t that be true for our struggles? Once we give our lives to Christ, shouldn’t EVERYTHING be shiny and new?
Unfortunately, this is often what we tend to believe as we begin our spiritual path with Christ, and I speak from my own experience here. We expect everything to be rosy once we become believers. Once we take communion. Once we get baptized.
And, I will admit. I still question God today. Why does he allow us to endure pain? For someone who has dealt with chronic pain for almost 20 years, I have asked this question frequently. I have had test after test, taken countless medications, and tried “holistic” treatments all in an effort to make my body “new” again. And, as I thought I was one step closer to finally getting some relief for the pain that has slowly been getting worse, I stumbled across a roadblock. A phone call from my doctor indicating my procedure would not be covered, had me questioning God’s purpose in all this pain once again.
“Why then does my suffering continue? Why is this wound incurable? Your help seems as uncertain as a seasonal brook, like a spring that has gone dry.” Jeremiah 15:18
And I felt just like Jeremiah. I felt like he was in no way helping me out here, providing a little relief, or assisting in making me “new.” Just like Jeremiah, I questioned God. Why? Is this how you want me to live my life? Is this how you want me to endure each day? Unable to sit comfortably through six measly hours of work? Unable to bend over a dishwasher?
Then, I remembered what it really meant to be made new, after reading this from the book Living So That by Wendy Blight:
At the moment of our salvation, we, too, like Christ, die and are buried. But ours is a spiritual rather than a physical death. Our sin nature, our “old self,” dies with Christ. And just as Jesus was raised from the dead into new life, we, too, are raised from spiritual death to a new spiritual life.
A new spiritual life. Not a new life without pain. Not a new life without struggle. Not a new life without enduring sorrow and strife.
This “new” life also came at a price. A price that was far more painful than chronic back pain (despite, what I may feel when I bend over the dishwasher)
I certainly have never had to endure the pain of a beating.
I have never had to endure the pain of nail-pierced hands and feet.
While my pain may be piercing, I certainly don’t know the pain of being pierced in the side.
While my pain may be unbearable, it could never measure up to the pain of wearing a crown of thorns.
He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorry or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever. Revelation 21:4
So, in my pain I will remember the one who suffered immeasurable and indescribable pain for me. Who suffered pain so that one day I would be free from mine. So that my pain would be no more.
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The One Thing that Needs to be Done Right Now
For everything there is a season, and a time for every activity under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1
And sometimes that time is not right now.
This is what I have been trying to grasp lately-the realization that while I may think I can juggle every thing I have to accomplish, I really can’t do it all. And, it certainly doesn’t all have to get done right now.
And as a perfectionist, a people pleaser, one who has not learned the fine art of saying “no,” and a mom who wants to meet her childrens’ every need, feeling the need to do everything at the exact minute asked has become a priority for far too long. I swoop in and rush to fix, rush to please, and rush to respond, that I have made every little task an emergency.
That text needs to be answered right now.
That cup of water needs to be fixed right now.
That email needs to be answered right now.
That appointment needs to be made right now.
Until slowly I am buried under a heap of small emergencies.
And then Paul reminds me that I can do all things through Him who strengthens me, but all these things don’t have to be done right now.
Because all of these “nows” diminish the strength I need to take care of my family, my friends, my home, my church, myself. Because all the “right nows” diminish the time I have for God.
Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:5
See, since I keep myself focused on all the “emergencies” I have to handle, I can’t do anything wholeheartedly. I am only able to give a portion of myself to each task, so I can move on to the next one. Never focused on one thing intentionally. Never able to complete one “emergency” before I have started working on another. And, since I am not making time for God right now, I cannot adequately accomplish what he has asked me to do.
So, I am apologizing in advance if I don’t answer that email right away.
If I let voice mail take your call.
If I slack a little on a text message response.
If I make my kids wait five more minutes for their water.
In order to serve others, I must make Him the top “emergency” in my life. So, for right now I will be locked away in my bathroom spending time with God.
For this is the one thing that must be done right now!
About Me
I am January! Wife, mother, meemaw, pastor, and mental health provider who makes it through the day with my coffee, my journal, and my God; and I am also on some days a hot mess. A simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic.
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