Hello, I’m January
Inspiration and thoughts on God and faith, written by a simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic.
-
Good Enough for Me
I will build them up and not tear them down. I will plant them and not uproot them. Jeremiah 24:6
One of my childrens’ afternoon routines is a list of chores that they split each day. One of the chores is to wipe down and tidy the table in the living room. This also means throwing away any trash that always seems to make its way to this particular spot. Usually, my youngest child does pretty well with his chores. He wants to do them himself, he usually completes them as expected, but today, he did wipe down the table. But, he also failed to complete his chore, leaving the things that belonged on the table sitting in the middle of the living room floor instead.
“Honey, you didn’t finish with the table.”
“I can’t lift all that stuff, I just can’t do it!”
And my not so understanding response: “Well, then you might as well not do it at all….”
Certainly not a proud Mommy moment right there, huh?
As I watched my small little boy turn and hang his head in shame, I realized my blunder instantly. I had just told my son in so many words that his best was not good enough for me.
And this is only one example of my ability to tell my children they don’t measure up.
As my daughter writes her story slanted down one side of the page instead of in neat, straight lines. As she misses a period here, or a capital letter there. I tell her to start over, to take her time, that she is rushing, not doing her best. Telling her that her best right now is not good enough for me.
I do this with my teenager who has struggled with his grades all year. Letting him know that his now C-, well, it should really be a C by the end of the year. What’s with the minus? Telling him, “Sure, I know you are working hard and doing your best, but it’s not good enough for me.”
You did your best, but it wasn’t good enough.
You tried your best, but you are not smart enough.
You ran your best, but you were not fast enough.
By criticizing their attempts to do the best they can, I am uprooting whatever confidence they had. Tearing them down, until they turn away, hanging their head in shame and defeat.
He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle. Isaiah 42:4
According to the opening verses of Isaiah 42, this is what a servant of God does not do. A servant of a loving God. A servant of a God who knows our best is good enough to Him. Who loves us at our worst, even when we don’t deserve it.
As a servant of God, in the way I attempt to bring out the “best” in my children, am I really crushing the most tender reeds? Am I putting out the flames of creativity and potential inside of them? Simply because their best isn’t good enough for me?
You are precious to me. You are honored and I love you. Isaiah 43:4
My smallest boy finally lifted his shameful head to finish his last chore. And as I walked into the bathroom, I saw once again the mess of items taken off the counter and left on the bathroom floor. This time instead of telling him, “Why even try?” I put that little boy in my lap, looked him in the eyes as much as he would let me, and said, “Thank you. Thank you for cleaning the counter. I know the other things are too heavy for you to pick back up. But you did your best, and I love you.”
Yes, my son. Yes, my daughter. Your best is good enough for me.
-
Just Go With the Flow, Mommy!
The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way? Proverbs 20:24
It’s about 7:15 in the morning. I am getting ready to chaperone a field trip, and honestly have already started dreading every minute of it. See, my creature of routine and habit that is Hunter, does not do well on field trips. Well, let me rephrase that. He does well, but only if every detail of the day goes exactly as planned.
The preparation for this field trip is no different, Hunter follows the rules. Great, right? Yes, and no. While you won’t find him breaking many rules, you also won’t see many “gray” areas when it comes to most things either. To Hunter everything is black or white. This means that the list of things he must take on said field trip must be followed exactly as written. Which also means he absolutely has to pack a coloring book, book to read, and crayons, and we absolutely can’t get to school one minute after 8.
“Hunter, this list is just suggestions of things you can take with you,” I say as I reason with him while he holds the sheet of paper from his teacher. “No, my teacher said it! We have to do what the paper says!” And so he begins to rush to pack his bag with all the things that were really only suggested, making sure not to miss one thing on the list. “And, it’s 7:31. We have to go-NOW! You said 7:30 we would leave!”
Again, a simple suggestion, until the clock begins to display 7:32, then 7:33…
This strict rule following continued throughout the morning as we had to go to breakfast first, as we had to ride on the second bus, as we had to do things exactly as planned. Exactly as the black and white paper said we should.
You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail. Proverbs 19:21
I thought about rolling my eyes at the poor kid (and I may have actually done that). I thought of tearing up that set of rules and creating my own. Then I thought ahead to the meltdown that would occur, and as I sat next to the little boy still telling me what we had to do, I simply prayed: God, please give me the ability to just see Hunter’s black and white world today. Please let me enjoy this time with him no matter how demanding. Help me to just go with the flow!
The submission to my son’s plan continued in the midst of kicking on the floor during the Sunday service, as I had to once again ask God to help me give up my need to control my child’s out of control senses and emotions. Asking God to once again help me submit to his flow.
While Hunter is a child who can’t go with the flow because his body and his senses choose to do something different, I realize that I am an adult who has no idea how to go with the flow either!
I have an agenda, too. It’s not the one given to me by my teachers, or my literal black and white outlook on life, but rather my human desire to control every moment, to have complete control of my life, my day, my money, my schedule.
I have a very unrealistic agenda.
And, as one little brown-haired boy with glasses insisted I go with his flow, I also realized there is also another that calls me to go with His flow.
We can make our own plans, but the Lord gives the right answer. Proverbs 16:1
Yet, I still wake up every morning ready to carry out the plans I made for the day, daring anyone to stand in the way of what I need to accomplish. And, just as it was hard for Hunter to understand that all the activities that were planned were mere suggestions, I have the same problem letting go of my to-do list, my thoughts, my feelings, my plans.
How much different would my day look if I let God handle my to-do list? If I didn’t get bent out of shape if something doesn’t go my way? If I simply shrugged my shoulders and went with the flow?
How much different would the time I spend at home or on a field trip be if I woke up and uttered a prayer similar to the one I said on the school bus with Hunter? If I didn’t keep tabs on my time, and instead kept track of the moments with my kids? If I didn’t worry about the laundry, the dishes, or the dirty floors, and more about the Legos scattered on the kitchen table, and the girl coloring on that dirty floor.
How would my faith be changed if I just went with God’s flow instead of resisting the nudge to do what He asks? Instead of doubting when circumstances are hard? Instead of trying to control that which I truly have no control over?
What if I just learned to go with the flow?
I could let go of the urge to control the feelings of others.
I could spend a little more time just “being” with my kids, instead of manipulating every part of the day.
My morning would not be out of whack when one of those kids decides to go with his own flow.
I could handle the twist and turns of life with faith in God and His promises, and not doubt and anger.
All this by simply surrendering my flow, riding the waves, and going with His flow instead.
-
Peace in the Noise
“But the Lord is in his holy Temple. Let all the earth be silent before him.” Habakkuk 2:20
Some days are just anything but peaceful. From the time the alarm lets off it’s annoying buzzing, to the time the TV is finally shut off and the house is awash in utter darkness and silence, the world surrounding me emits one noise after another. Stealing my peace. Drowning out my thoughts. Wrecking my mood.
At work it’s the telephone that rings, or the ping of the new email that has arrived. It’s the beeping of the printer that is broken for the one hundredth time, or the sound of the overhead paging system.
At home, it’s the dogs howling and barking outside, or men on the roof next door. It is the bird sounds, “potty” noises and awful squawks that come from the mouth of Hunter, our five year old. It’s the 30 minute long wails that then erupt when you ask the squawking five year old to stop making those “potty” noises. It’s the bickering between siblings, the “Mommy, can I’s,” and the “Mommy, he/she dids.” It’s the call on the phone to remind us of an appointment tomorrow, the sound of Peppa Pig on the TV, the ding of the oven timer, and goodness….does that dog ever stop howling?
Yes, some days just are not peaceful, and on those days I want to find the highest cliff, and shout to the world as loud as I can to just SHUT-UP, and STOP MAKING ALL THAT NOISE!
Not only does all this noise steal my peace, rob my thoughts, and wreck my mood, but it also means I have less time to listen to God.
“Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” Mark 6:31
Finding time to simply be alone, away from all the noise, is tough, especially on these days. Especially when my bathroom hideout has been exposed, and I can still hear the “Mommy, can I’s,” and “Mommy, he/she dids,” from the outside of that door. It’s hard to find five minutes when you are staring at the still ten things left on your long to do list. To find time alone when you are rushing from work, to the bus stop, back for an appointment, to church, and all the stops in between. And it is hard to find quiet when the iPhone is vibrating or chirping, the kids are fighting and yelling…and, why is that dog still howling?
Yet, I am challenged. Throughout the Bible we are told of busy people who have been called to do God’s work making time to be alone to pray and talk to Him. To seek peace in the noise of the world around them. We have Moses in Exodus 33. There is Elijah in 1 Kings 19, and of course, Jesus, who left his disciples on many occasions in search of peace so he could hear God.
Certainly, I can find a little time for this peace, too, even if that means I have to get a bit creative with my time.
It means keeping a devotional in my car to read when I am stuck in traffic, or to read before I even leave my car at work. It means I invite God on my runs, and spend time praising Him for the beauty around me, or praying for endurance. It means that I can shut the email off at work, close my office door so I do not hear the beep of the broken printer, and open my Bible.
We can’t drown out all the noise around us. We can’t turn off every voice, every scream, or even the howling dog. And if you are like me, most of the time we can’t find the “perfect” time or the “perfect” place to spend time in complete quiet and peace. But, we do have small opportunities to find peace, to keep us from letting the noise steal our peace, rob our thoughts, or wreck our mood.
I mean, really. Think about it. While climbing to the highest cliff to scream at the world may seem like some type of freedom, and not to mention great exercise, with all the noise, would the world really even hear my plea for everyone to “shut-up?”
No, probably not. But, God will. God hears us. In a world filled with noise. When the phone is chirping a new notification, when the kids are fighting, when the dog is still howling, he hears our cries and praises, and gives us a moment of peace in the midst of the noise.
-
This One’s for the Moms
This one is for the mothers. Those still wearing sweatpants at 4pm, and those walking around in stilettos.
This one is for the moms. Those whose “work day” is spent at home cleaning, teaching, nurturing, and guiding, and those whose work day is spent away from home doing the same.
This one is for the mothers. The ones who kiss boo-boos, and hold hair back for a silk child. The ones who clean bottoms, wipe snotty noses, or rock a sick or small child into the wee hours of the night. Those who have bottlefed, and those who chose the breast. The ones who cut the crusts off grilled cheeses, and catch sneezes.
This one is for the moms. The ones who can cook like a gourmet chef, and those who prefer take out. The ones whose kitchen table is filled with glitter, glue and paint, and those who would rather buy the card than sit down to create.
This one is for the “like a moms.” Those who never had children of their own. The ones who lost a child, or whose chidden are grown. The ones who love on the children of others.
This one is for the moms. The ones who have made mistakes. The ones who have yelled one too many times, and had to say “sorry” more times than they could count. For the moms who don’t have it all together, and those who only seem like they do.
This one is for the moms, for the ones who have passed on. The ones who have nurtured future moms, and whose memories live on.
This one is for the moms.
Happy Mother’s Day!
-
Beauty in a Mess
Yes, that picture is exactly what you think it is…a jumbled heap of Legos. First, let me say, I am not a fan of Legos. But, Hunter likes them, or rather, he likes to watch us put them together while he sifts through the pile for just the right piece. And, I will never quite understand how someone who is thrown off his sensory radar with a simple touch, or too much noise, is not so much when it comes to these Legos.
Of course, he isn’t the only one who has searched for just the right piece to make something glorious.
Yes, just like the small and big hands that will try to construct the Lego fire engine that is sure to be in that pile somewhere, God did something infinitely greater with the work of His hands.
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Genesis 1:1
But, he didn’t stop there. With His hands he put the stars in the sky. He decided when the sun would rise and set. Where the waves of the ocean would meet the shore. He selected every water creature, and every animal on earth. He molded every majestic mountain, and carved every valley in between. All with His Hands. Just like carefully selected Lego pieces, He created the masterpiece in which we live. Beauty from one dark and empty mess.
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Psalm 139:13
With His hands he fashioned every part of who we are. Our eye color, skin color, and whether we would be short or tall. Our laughs. Our personalities. Every little thing that makes us unique was carefully selected by God. Wonderfully, fearfully, and beautifully made by His hands. Beautiful despite the fact that we may consider ourselves to be complete messes.
“Then I will sprinkle clean water on you and you will be clean. Your filth will be washed away, and you will no longer worship idols. And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender responsive heart.” Ezekiel 36:25-26
Even when we are complete messes, God makes us new. On those days when we feel like a crumpled heap of Legos, or when we don’t know if we will ever find that piece that makes us whole again, God reaches into our mess, grabs our stony, stubborn hearts and gladly gives us a new one.
Making us magnificent. Making us marvelous. Making something beautiful in the midst of the mess.
About Me
I am January! Wife, mother, meemaw, pastor, and mental health provider who makes it through the day with my coffee, my journal, and my God; and I am also on some days a hot mess. A simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic.
Follow Me On
Subscribe To My Newsletter
Subscribe for new posts, inspiration and exclusive content straight to your in-box.
Grace 'n Grounds 