Hello, I’m January
Inspiration and thoughts on God and faith, written by a simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic.
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Such a time…
For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1
When I began this blog many years ago, I began so in a caffeinated state, usually at 3am in the morning. Usually battling the wills of autism.
Here it is almost 7 years later. It’s still 3am. My state is more like agitation, but it’s the change and uncertainty that has caused this sleeplessness.
Writing to me is healing. It’s a process of letting go of negative thoughts that run an endless spin cycle in my head. It’s the way in which I express the feelings I often cannot say out loud.
It’s been a journey I’ve enjoyed since inspired to keep a journal by my high school English teacher. It’s why I encourage anxious kids to do the same, whether they take the advice or not.
It’s how I process my angry conversations with God. My even angrier conversations I know I’ll never have with others.
I’m still writing, just not here. I’m still sharing what God has placed on my heart, just not here. For a number of reasons.
One is-we have changed. We just don’t read. We see the tag line. Like the picture. See the snappy caption, and don’t get all the way to the end to actually take in the entire post. So, we miss the true meaning.
We prefer video presence, and filtered pictures. Motivational quotes, and memes. It’s just our modern culture. And, while I’m never going to conform, I’m also not going to put myself out there for a tag-line or caption to be misrepresented.
Two…Mordecai sent this reply to Esther: “Don’t think for a moment that because you’re in the palace you will escape when all other Jews are killed. If you keep quiet at a time like this, deliverance and relief for the Jews will arise from some other place, but you and your relatives will die. Who knows if perhaps you were made queen for just such a time as this?” Esther 4:13-14
Mordecai told Esther she was chosen Queen to stand up for something. Someone. Some cause. Not stay silent. Do something. Have a purpose for something she believed in.
This time for me. This time with far less work, and far more idle time. Though it may seem far less purposeful, it can be time spent doing some of the things I have only dared dream to do. But never found the time.
Or, was too fearful to do. Because in order to do so, it meant I would have to stop doing something else. Or putting myself out there in an even different way. And letting go of something else in my mind meant one word-failure. I just would not accept that. Putting myself out there even more, meant something even scarier-rejection. I can’t handle that one.
However, I know differently, now. New things require letting go of some old ones.
So I’m taking a break, and doing those things. Letting go of some old. Allowing some new habits to form. Some new gifts to be used.
For those who have read these 3am thoughts I thank you for following along with me on this journey. Really. Thank you! Because while I know many are not comfortable with someone who can share the not so pretty parts of what makes this life, well LIFE; you valued my vulnerability.
No worries. It’s still out there in this great big thing we call the internet.
Still being shared.
Still being encouraged.
If you are still up for the journey until my return with some other things, you can join me here:
On Instagram: @coffeewithashotofffaith
On Facebook: @marshallcoffeefaith629
And the YouTube Channel my son so graciously helped me create: @RealCoffeeTalk629
God willing, I’ll see you soon! Finished projects, ready to complete and share!
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The things we take for granted
Starbucks. It is no secret I love the place. When I go in, they greet me by name. They have my order ready before I get to the counter. They know where I work, and that Friday is my hardest day. They know which football team I like, and it is a topic of conversation on fall Monday mornings. We talk about our pets, our families, our vacations, and I leave their feeling seen, with a little more pep in my step. The liquid gold I have in my hand may have something to do with it, but the connection does, too.
And it’s this connection I miss during this time of isolation. Conversations. My morning “pick-me-up” with my java-loving comrades.
I go to Starbucks for the dark, rich brew. But when I walk up to the counter, I get so much more. And I take it for granted.
On a good day, enjoy yourself. On a bad day, examine your conscience. God arranges for both kinds of days so that we won’t take anything for granted. Ecclesiastes 7:14
Why does it take a crisis to remind us of this truth? We wait until life gets hard before we start appreciating the good stuff. Because when times are good, we rarely stop and think about all those small things. Those connections that made that “good” day, or that “good” moment-just that.
We take so much for granted.
Daily conversations. A trip to the grocery store. A Sunday morning church service. Being served dinner in our favorite restaurant. Our jobs. Our co-workers.
Laughter. Rest. An afternoon nap. The guidance of our teachers. Our parents. Even our kids.
A wave. A smile. A hello.
We take so much for granted.
We may see it all now, while life is crazy, and we are forced to slow down. While we have the time. While we are in the midst of this isolation. But what happens when life becomes rushed and normal again? When all becomes as we knew it?
Will we once again start taking these things for granted? Will we forget how much we missed those smiles? Those words? That laughter? Those connections?
Or will we decide to never again take those things, or those people for granted again?
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Give yourself permission
I’m a helper. An empath. A person who moves in compassion, and this only becomes more apparent in times of crisis.
I also like naps. Netflix. But I don’t like feeling helpless. I don’t know how to respond when the world says to stop moving . When before it’s all I’ve ever known to do. Move. Act. Respond.
As I’m standing in my kitchen, making phone calls. Some that go unanswered, leaving me wondering how to move. How to act. How to respond. I glance over at the Bible I have placed on my kitchen counter. Glaring at me in bold print are these words: Permission to Rest.
That evening after sunset the people brought to Jesus all the sick and demon-possessed. The whole town gathered at the door, and Jesus healed many who had various diseases. Mark 1:32-34
I can relate. Now, I am not Jesus. I am not driving out demons. But I have moved, acted and responded at the drop of a hat. Moving to crisis after crisis. Acting on behalf of those who couldn’t for themselves. Responding to needs, even when I had my own.
Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. Mark 1:35
He gave himself permission to just stop. To rest. To not move. To not act. To not respond. to simply be in his Father’s presence.
And today…it’s OK if I do the same.
While I may feel helpless. My heart may be telling me I should do something. Maybe what I really need to do is just give myself permission.
Permission to rest.
Permission to move in living room dance parties, and nature walks with the people who love me.
Permission to be silly. To perform acts of love, in small doses. A little at a time, but maybe just not right now. Not right away.
Permission to respond…but later. And know that if I don’t, well it’s OK.
Today, I give myself permission.
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Grocery lines to phone lines
“I’m going to head out now, so I can get there when they open and get on home.”
I mention this on my way out the door, to my husband, already in “telecommute” mode of this first day of our self-quarantine. Me? I was on a mission. Bleach. Birthday cards. Stamps. Come into contact with as few people as possible.
But that is hard to do when a city of people is scrambling for essentials, and non-essentials. When all are in a panic, and you think everyone around you is going downright crazy.
“Darn, I have no reason to fight you today. You don’t have water or toilet paper,” said the voice behind me.
There were 5 of us all gathered around the 2 registers that were open. Trying as much as we could to practice the “social distancing” rule of staying within 6 feet away from each other. Maybe even trying as much as we could to check out on the world around us, and then go on about our day.
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength. Proverbs 17:22
Usually, when on a mission; cheerful I am not. I want to get in and get out. Get my stamps, or whatever, and go on about my business. I certainly don’t have time to joke about toilet paper.
But these are different times. And checking out really isn’t what God is asking us to do. He doesn’t want us to keep moving along as if others don’t exist, when they are either standing in front of us, or living around us.
He doesn’t want us to fight over toilet paper; though it makes for great grocery store line humor. Or scurrying into the Starbucks to-go station to get your latte, without even a glance at the one who fixed it.
We have forgotten the value of people and presence for far too long. Sure-being cautious is wise. I don’t recommend finding reasons to stand in grocery store lines, just to strike up conversations, and spread cheer with strangers.
I do recommend taking the time to stop, and to simply be present with someone.
Whether it is the family you are stuck in the house with. The pharmacist filling your script on the end of the phone. Or FaceTime with a far-flung friend. These are the times to make time for conversations that move from grocery lines to phone lines.
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New mercies every day
I have always been intrigued by the owl. You know, if spirit animals were a thing I believed in, then maybe the owl would be mine. Believed to be watchful, have sensitive hearing, and to be a symbol of wisdom in some cultures, these characteristics seemed to match my own watchful, discerning movements.
As a child, I was also the one who woke in the night, hiding flashlights under my covers so I could finish the last few chapters of the book I was reading. Staying up late into the night to put the finishing touches on that school project. And now, as an adult, laying…non-stop thoughts spinning around and around in my head.
Yet, I remember another story my mom used to always tell me: “We would wake up to you, just cooing and talking to yourself. You were always the first one up and ready in the morning.”
Talking. Ready for the day. Waking everyone with my voice.
The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. Lamentations 3:22-23
These days I am not always ready when the alarm rings at 4:45am. I have not always been the one who has risen before everyone else in the house begins to stir. But as time has moved along, I find myself once again up and ready, babbling and cooing in the wee hours of the morning while all is still. While I revel over his still and quiet mercies of a brand new morning, and a still small voice that can be heard in the mess.
This journey is about new mercies. It is about the mercies and graces given in the midst of the unexpected. The small treasures we hold onto and cherish when life and everything we hold dear seems to be slipping away.
And through these next unexpected weeks, I will be sharing those new mercies daily. Join me. They are there. Just waiting for us to witness, embrace, and enjoy. Even in the chaos. Even in the uncertainty. New mercies. Every day.
Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you. Psalm 143:8
About Me
I am January! Wife, mother, meemaw, pastor, and mental health provider who makes it through the day with my coffee, my journal, and my God; and I am also on some days a hot mess. A simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic.
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