Encouragement grounded in Scripture
Rooted in truth. Anchored in Christ.
New reflections weekly.
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You are the pearl
“June? You were born in June? Then why did your parents name you January?”
It is a question I have gotten a lot. I know the answer. Sometimes I take the time to provide it. Other times I don’t.
It has also taken me a number of years to embrace the name myself. To even embrace the person God has shaped me to be. Too many years. Too many hurts. Dark, twisty turns can often lead us to the place where we finally begin to see ourselves in the ways we were meant to be seen all along. It’s eye-opening. It’s liberating. It’s freeing. But it’s a nerve-wracking, heart-wrenching, soul-searching journey.
Sometimes it even means just owning your name. Owning your birthright. Owning the circumstances of your birth, and the suffering, darkness, and grit that have made you who you are.
Which is why I don’t think it’s a coincidence that January is the first month of the year. A month representing new beginnings. That the name January is derived from the name of the Roman god, Janus, who was the god of new beginnings, with two faces-one to look to the future and one to look to the past. I’ve always used my past to start anew. I’ve never been one to sit and sulk when hurt.
And, no I wasn’t born in January, and there is a reason for that, too. Those born in June, especially at the end of the month tend to be caring, empathetic, and kind. They are also forgiving and extremely optimistic, tending to look at the bright side, and seeing the good in most things (source).
However, they can also have a dark side. They are extremely clumsy (true fact, here), and because of their kindness and empathy-can be taken advantage of, and go through periods of suffering. Like their birthstone-the pearl.
I recently heard the following in a sermon: Don’t throw your pearls to pigs! They will trample the pearls, then turn and attack you. Matthew 7:6, NLT
I thought it harsh, but it had me thinking about pearls. Why did Jesus use the pearl here, and not the diamond, ruby, or another jewel? Why the pearl?
Diamonds are great. They are said to be a girl’s best friend. Given as sign of commitment to the one chosen as a bride. Heavily sought after. Written about in songs. Everyone seems to want diamonds on their necks. Their wrists. A ring on it, and not a pearl ring, a diamond one. So, why is Jesus not talking about those? Diamonds?
“Again, the Kingdom of Heaven is like a merchant on the lookout for choice pearls. When he discovered a pearl of great value, he sold everything he owned and bought it!” Matthew 13:45-46, NLT
Again, why not diamonds?
One must understand how pearls are formed to understand why Jesus would choose to use this gem here. To find a pearl, one must search through hundreds of oysters. Why? Because pearls are not formed by chance. Contrary to belief, not every oyster contains a pearl. Pearls form after an irritant or some pesky monster enters the oyster. Some annoyance. To keep the oyster safe and secure. To protect it from harm, a fluid is secreted which eventually forms a rare, natural pearl.
So why pearls? Not diamonds?
Diamonds are a dime a dozen. Cut, fashioned, shaped, molded in the way the world desires. Placed in cases at every jewelry store, and set on any band you desire. There are infinite commercials about the diamond of one’s dreams-from Jared, of course.
Pearls don’t need to be cut, shaped or molded. They have to be searched for through seas and seas of oysters. They are sought after in their natural state. They are valuable because they need no polishing from the world, but are polished by God. They are the true representation of grace under pressure, purity, and integrity. They are protectors. Cased in shells until found in their infinite beauty.
Everything that represents Jesus.
June. I was born in June.
Full of wisdom. Polished in my natural beauty and rarity by my Maker. Pure. Innocent. Loyal. A place of safety in darkness. Valuable.
A pearl of great price.
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WWJD: Patience
Love is patient. 1 Corinthians 13:4
Ever heard this? “Don’t pray for patience. If you do God will give you a reason to be patient.”
Well, if you haven’t, then I don’t suggest you start praying for patience. I do suggest you hang out with kids a bit. The toddler kind. The school-age kind. The teenage kind. The grown folk kind. You will be learning lessons on patience in a hot minute.
But, let’s be real. We could learn some patience in many of life’s situations and relationships.
Case in point. When I think of patience, I think of this example.
She is standing in line. The grocery line. She intended to come in to get only a few things, and ended up with a few more than she could carry. She scurries to the express lane to find that the patron in front is writing a check. Really? A check? Like, who does that anymore? And…do you not realize, hon…they gonna hand that check you are taking oh-so-long to write back to you?
Then it starts. The huffing. The foot-tapping. The eye rolling. The death stare at the check-writing lady. Impatience. Lack of love simply because she is inconvenienced. Because she didn’t pick up a hand basket.
She is me.
Oh, I am not the check-writer. I am sure that lady is sweet as tea.
I am the huffing, impatient, foot-tapper. Supposed to be representing light and love like Jesus. But I am anything but.
Oh, and I know I am not the only one; because I have been in front of the foot tappers. In need of some patience. In need of some love when my kids have been a screaming mess. In need of the light and love of Jesus. So surely, I could have been it that day.
So, how do we exercise this “love is patient” stuff in our homes, communities, jobs…well, everywhere?
Stop. Think. Before we act or speak.
Not easy. No. Not easy at all. But it’s what we are called to do.
James 1:19 instructs us, Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry; and in Proverbs 15:18 we learn what occurs when conflict is the go to strategy: A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict,
but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.
God desires for us to remain calm. To seek peace. To wait.This means that at times we don’t get the last word, or even the first one. That when our teen gives us a snarky response about schoolwork, we listen more and speak less. When we have to wait in that grocery line behind a check-writer…well, we just simply wait; and breathe instead of tapping our foot and rolling our eyes.
That when we have asked our tween to bring the dishes for the fifth time, we take a moment. Take a break, slowly speak it for the 6th time, with a consequence calmly added to the end, and then slowly shut the door behind us. No angry slamming.
We give time. We give space. We give soft, compassionate words, and not ones spoken out of retaliation and anger.
Because this is what Jesus would do.
He would not be huffing and foot-tapping. Slamming doors and yelling about dirty dishes. Creating conflict and raising his voice to demand others listen.
No, he would be providing calm instruction. Recognize that people are human and need time and distance to correct mistakes and make amends. Demonstrating patience, and in turn love.
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The blessing is the payback
Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will grant you his blessing. 1 Peter 3:9, NLT
Hurt.
We have all experienced it. We have all had people hurt us-whether intentionally or not so. Whether due to circumstances outside of anyone’s control; or actions, words, or deeds that were chosen, and maybe a little “out” of control.
We have all experienced hurt. We have even all been the one at some point in time inflicting the hurt.
Today’s post isn’t about deep hurts-that is a path to healing and forgiveness that takes a little more time. One that can’t be wrapped up neatly in one post, because it is just that hard. I know because I am walking it. Walking it over again for some things through which I thought I had already taken that path many years ago.
However, we can still approach people who have hurt us with the following as Peter instructs in 1 Peter 3:8, being “agreeable, sympathetic, loving, compassionate, and humble, without sharp-tongued sarcasm” (The Message).
But how???
One of the easiest places to get tripped up, and caught up in this need to retaliate with the same hurt is through our daily interactions. Our relationships with those around us, and with those with whom we will come into contact, or with whom we will speak. Electronic devices and the use of social media, messaging and texting make it so easy to do. Hurt comes in the form of words or general complacency. Or let’s just be real…we get this “I’ve got a second, let me respond and just get this over with. Give this as little emotion and attention as possible as I can right now to say I did” attitude about our relationships and connections.
Our words become impulsive with the tap of our thumbs. Behind screens we become invincible. And we say and do things we would not do in person. Things that damage and impair meaningful connections-simply because we never took the time to stop, think, and be agreeable, sympathetic, loving, compassionate, or humble.
When we are on the receiving end, oh…we want to pull out our “fire” thumbs. Tap back a response. One that demands an apology, puts people in their place. And then back and forth. Round and round we go. Retaliating.
I wish we could be as bold in our face to face interactions as we are in the ones we have with our thumbs. Behind keyboards and screens. Then maybe we would not be walking around with so many unresolved, hurt feelings because of perceived words or actions.
Or maybe we can simply be the one who stops the trail of hurt in the beginning. “Do not repay evil for evil.” The call from Peter implies a choice. Which means in this case we have a choice whether we will hurt someone, or as he also instructs, “pay them back with a blessing.”
And blessings can be firm boundaries that tell where lines have been crossed, without the use of hurtful words or actions. We can speak the truth using loving, compassionate language, and still let others know we will not tolerate being harmed or dishonored. We can call out disrespect without being nasty and unkind.
Or…we can choose surrender. Give the situation to God. Ask God to bless them. Ask God to rid their hearts of hurt and bitterness…(oh, and ours, too). Ask God to show them the path to righteousness, and to give them a life that is prosperous; if they so choose to take that one.
We can give it to God, and move on.
Sometimes it’s the best payback. It’s the one that’s unexpected.
Because here’s the straight up truth. We cannot control how someone speaks. We cannot control the actions of others, or their character when they are hurting.
We choose on this day whom we will serve, and if we are serving Him, we serve others with kindness, sympathy, love, compassion, and humility.
Because we may never get an apology. That person may never see the errors in the way a situation was handled. May never change at all. May change, and we may never see it. And we can’t go back and fix anything.
But we can be a blessing, and in doing so He will bless us.
When we bless this way, let go and move on; He will pay us back what we are owed-Our peace. Our dignity. Our courage. The true payback.
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The truth about love and lists
I am here to be real. To be straight up. To share the messy. The truthful. And if you remember, I had some issues about love and what it meant for me a couple months back. All because I was tasked with making a list.
I shared a little about that assignment and how it made me feel here.
That assignment. It changed me. In a good way. I didn’t make that list. But it wasn’t an act of defiance. The fact that I didn’t ever make that list, is actually a good thing.
Because, I took the time to read through the Bible. To read what God says about me. About His love for me. And he lists a lot of things. Many reasons why I should feel loved everyday.
I don’t plan on ever making a list.
Because love isn’t a list of shoulds and should nots.
It’s not a list of I do this, and then you do that. Because love isn’t conditional.
It’s not a list of what is right or wrong.I don’t need a list in the morning to tell me to spend time with God. I do it because I have a desire to. I don’t need a notification, or someone to remind me to do so. I do it because I crave a connection with him. I want to have a conversation with him.
It’s because I love him. And If I don’t spend that time with him. If I don’t have that conversation. My day is all jacked up.
I don’t need a list to tell me that this spending time…that it is part of knowing love, being loved, and loving someone.
So I’m not finishing that list. Because there’s already one in the Bible. And it’s read at weddings…and it’s a call to Christians about loving each other. But sometimes I don’t see it or feel it.
What’s even more funny, is I read and prayed over this list every day for several years…but I didn’t feel it myself. Until I started praying it for myself. It’s a list all about love and how we can express it freely without money or material things.
It’s found in 1 Corinthians 13.
Paul writes to the Corinthian church all about love. It’s expression. The way we are to show it to others. The way we feel it from others. This love comes from God, and it’s our outward action to those around us. Whether in romantic relationship, or simply because we are a reflection of how He expresses it to us, and expects us to do the same.It’s our list.
It’s been read so many times. Dissected so many times. Countless weddings have had this passage as the reading that defines the joining of two people. But…do we do what it says. Do we live it out? Do we actively express it? Do we feel it from each other? See it in each other?And I’ll be honest. I couldn’t read it a couple months ago. I could not get through this chapter. It hurt. It felt like it applied to everyone but me. Like God wanted me to do these things, but I didn’t think I was worthy of receiving them.
I was oh so wrong.
If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.Love never dies. 1 Corinthians 13:1-8, MSG
Here is my suggestion: Stop making lists. Of wrongs. Or even rights. We already have one. In the Bible. A list of how we are to show and be loved. Are the people we love these things? Are you these things? Do you feel these? See these? Are you doing these?
There’s your list. That’s how you love. Because He did it first. There isn’t a list needed. It’s all right here.
He gave His love to you. Now you…you go give it to someone else. But, start with God…and yourself first. The rest will flow later. That’s the only requirement for this list. Love Him. Love yourself as He loves you. Then go and love them.
I learned a lot about what I thought I was missing. What I thought I knew about love. Where it really came from the entire time. It was right there all along. From my Heavenly Father.
Maybe you have looked in all the wrong places for far too long. Maybe you have made lists, only to come up empty. Still yearning. Still wondering if you, or the people you give your love to are worthy.
They are. Because He says they are. You are. Because He says you are.
Want to know more? More of what I learned in my seeking to know more about what He loved about me? I’m still learning, we all are. We always are. But I’m willing to share what I am learning, as I learn to love the person God pursues daily.
I am writing about it for the next few weeks here on the blog, and you can join me, and maybe even trash your list of what the world tells you about love.
So you can fill up on His
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Walk tall, and own your crown
Ever watched one of those beauty contests? You know, like Miss USA, Miss Universe, and the like? I have never been in one of these pageants. Just not my thang…but I have watched them. And one of the questions I always had-how do they keep that huge crown on their head? Pins of some sort, I am sure. But…also, their posture. Have you ever seen a beauty queen slumped over? Have you ever seen someone try to walk with a slouch while trying to keep a crown on?
It probably isn’t possible.
“Can you walk on that beam? Without falling?” It’s the question a young second-grader had asked me. I had taken him outside early one morning to climb the monkey bars in an effort to keep him awake in class. You know, because movement and fresh air wakes the brain. Science and psychology, but you didn’t come here for that.
Anyway…I had on heels. Surely, I could NOT walk on that beam without falling. Until, I thought of something. I had been thinking of this something for a while really. Posture. What if walking on that beam had nothing to do with the shoes I was wearing, but everything to do with my posture?
At first, I stepped on. Took a few steps. Fell off. Then, I adjusted my stance. I held my head high. I refused to look down. I looked straight ahead. And I walked. All the way to the end. In heels. On a skinny beam, meant for one small foot.
“You did it! In heels!” Yes, I did.
And you can too. Walk on beams. And walk in places people have told you that you couldn’t before. Walk without letting your crown fall off. Just like a queen. Just like a king. In heels, or whatever you choose to wear.
It’s all about your posture. Your stance. The way you hold your head. It has nothing to do with what you wear. Where you came from. What anyone has said about you, or what you have done.
It’s your posture.
You can’t wear your crown, if you keep looking down.
And I realized this on that beam, as a second grader watched me walk along it in clunky high-heels; watching my example. Trying it again the same way I did-over and over. I can’t carry His crown, if I keep looking down. If I keep looking down at others. If I keep looking down on myself. If I keep playing small, reducing my posture, holding myself back, not standing tall, or refusing to shine too bright because I am afraid someone else will take offense.
I have noticed my posture over the years, and it is bad. I couldn’t hold a crown on this head with this posture, it would fall right off. And why is it that I scrunch my shoulders, tighten my neck muscles, and try so hard to curl up in a tight ball to make myself small?
I have inherited a crown! I need to own my Father’s crown. My place as His royal princess, and stand tall in who I am. Shoulders back. Head high. No more playing small for God.
Do you need to do the same? If you placed His crown on your head, would it fall right off? What kind of posture do you have right now? Are you playing small? Crouching in corners because you think you are too “something” to be used, or too afraid of what others may think.
Stop it!
God doesn’t want us to be shy with his gifts, but bold and loving and sensible. 2 Timothy 1:7, MSG
He gifted you. You. You in your boldness. You in your posture. You and your God-given, unique, no other made just like you crown.
You.
You may be too much of something for someone. But for someone else you are exactly what they need. And for God you are made exactly for His purpose in their lives.
You.
You must stop playing small for those who can’t appreciate your version of love, care or light; or who don’t even give you a second thought, don’t value that light, or let it shine.
You.
You are altogether wonderful and appreciated by the people meant to be loved by you. Meant to be inspired by you; some you haven’t even met yet. Or may not ever meet. You and your crown have a purpose in someone’s life.
Who you are matters. What you do matters. You matter. Keep standing tall. Stop playing small. Put that crown on your head, my dear; and don’t you dare let it fall!
About Me
I am January! Wife, mother, meemaw, pastor, and mental health provider who makes it through the day with my coffee, my journal, and my God. A simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic. All focused on Him.
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