Encouragement grounded in Scripture
Rooted in truth. Anchored in Christ.
New reflections weekly.
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Reflections on “self-love”
There’s a misconception that to love oneself, you are not surrendering yourself to God. I read somewhere recently in fact that indicated that loving oneself was wrong, and unbiblical. Selfish, is the word the writer used; stating it takes our eyes off God. That the only way to truly love oneself is to love others without boundaries.
It was on the internet. There were tons of comments. I didn’t rant underneath it. I didn’t unfollow. I agreed to disagree, moved on, and looked in the Bible instead. To what God has revealed to me over a number of months.
“Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?” Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ Matthew 22:36-39
As yourselves.
So the question: How do we truly love our neighbor if we hate ourselves? Shouldn’t we know how immensely God loves us and embrace that first?
Yes. Because I have loved without boundaries, and it has left me feeling useless, unworthy, and forgotten. Totally unloveable. I didn’t know the first thing about love (I talk about that journey here and here), and I took the time to talk to God about it.
Love others as you love yourself. Love yourself. As God has loved you. Know His love, accept His love, and wear it like a crown, so you can show His love to others.
That’s what He revealed to me. And knowing whose you are, and who you are; and loving that is not selfish. Love is God’s tool for us to use to light the world, but never to the point we begin to doubt His love for us. That’s not love. Not healthy love, anyway.
Through that time I also wrote a personal mission statement. A statement to remain in His love, and honor the love He has given me, so I would never question my worth. I am here to tell you: If you don’t know the love of God, you won’t truly know what it means to love others as yourself.
Personal Manifesto
I will embrace forgiveness and grace from my Heavenly Father, and forgive myself for the mistakes I have made. I may walk with a limp, but that limp tells the story of a woman so dependant on her Father for survival, of a woman so blessed. So beautiful. Broken, but made new and whole.
I will not look to this world for approval. I will embrace the fact that I am already approved, set apart, and made great by my Maker.
I can not control the thoughts and actions of others. Only they can.
I cannot fix people. Make them nicer. Make them more respectful. Make their lives better. Only God can.
I will continue to be kind, despite unkindness. Because it’s what Jesus would do.
I will, however, honor myself and my well-being by choosing not to be in the presence any longer of people who treat others with hate. Choosing to pray for changed hearts instead.
I can choose to stay away from toxic people. Those who consistently tear down and suck the life out of me. Realizing my kindness may never make a difference in some cases. Choosing to pray for changed hearts instead.
I can and will put my needs first when it’s necessary. My desire to foster positive and healthy physical, mental and spiritual health is not at all selfish. It’s mandatory.
I can and will set boundaries around my heart. Choosing to let go of people who consistently reject and abuse them.
I will decide not to be defined by the world’s standards of success. Knowing that riches fade, but kind, loving souls and hearts don’t.
I will not lose hope. I will realize that bad things exist. People mistreat people. But there is also good in the world. I will make a point to look for the good.
I will honor who I am in Him through my words, my thoughts, and my actions. Teach others how to treat me, and model to the world what love truly is. Love for God, love of the person He has made me to be, and love for others. Even those that are unloveable.
I will be me. Unapologetically.
It’s not selfish to honor this daily. To practice habits that demonstrate your value and your worth. To care for and love yourself. These steps give us the capacity to love others in ways we never have before. Without any agenda. Without any motive. With only the love of God. That love He so freely has given to us.
Offered to all. Unselfish as He is. Worthy to be celebrated and honored in the person you were made to be! As magnificent as he/she is.
Claim it. Own it. Put your personal “stamp” on your mission to “love yourself” as He loves you!
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Are you hiding your “stamp?
What are the things that make us run and hide? Find the safest place we can find to sink into and escape from the chaos of the world? Or simply hide parts of ourselves?
Shame? Yes. It can be shame. Even guilt. The first man and woman set the example of this type of hiding.
But what about protection? What about when we feel the desire to hide away to protect ourselves?
Has no one told you, my lord, about the time when Jezebel was trying to kill the Lord’s prophets? I hid 100 of them in two caves and supplied them with food and water. 1 Kings 18:13
“I just made everything private. Then I have to approve anyone who is looking or trying to twist the truth, or looking for the wrong reasons. See! Even my blog. I made that private, too!”
I had been triggered. I had told myself I wasn’t. That another’s opinion of me didn’t really matter, but it had triggered me. And I wanted to crawl into a private space and protect myself. Only let in people I allowed to be here.
I wanted to crawl into my on-line cave. Until I decided when it was safe to come back.
“You just put your light under a bushel. That’s what you just did.” My husband let me know my need to gain the upper hand somehow with all this “protection,” was really diminishing.
“No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house.” Matthew 5:15, NLT
My friend had told me just the day before my privacy crusade that I left a certain “stamp” when I graced a place. And here I was…trying to erase this “stamp.”
That stamp was a light. The “light of the world, on a hilltop that can’t be hidden.” (Matthew 5:14)
It should not be hidden.
Even if people are looking for the wrong reasons, the Jewish leaders were trolling Jesus for the wrong ones, too (Mark 12:15)
I can’t stop people from gossip or slander. From ill will or unforgiveness. That’s not a journey I can walk for someone, only alongside with support. But I can be a walking, talking version of light.
Even if I don’t stay “private,” I can ensure my public demeanor is just as holy as my private one. That my light shines the same at home, at the grocery store, at work, at church, and on-line.
That the stamp I leave simply says this:
JESUS WAS HERE
That’s a stamp I’d like the world to see. Through me.
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WWJD: Just tell the truth already
Love does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 1 Corinthians 13:6, NLT
Have you known someone, then found out later that they hid things about themselves? Left you wondering if they were really who they seemed to be? Why they didn’t think you could hold space for their truth?
Or maybe you were the one hiding the truth. Maybe you were hiding the truth about a situation because you wanted to protect the parties involved. Thought telling the whole story would protect the ones you loved from getting hurt. Or even protect you from the consequences. Protect you from the hurt. From damage.
Does anything good come from withholding the truth?
The time is coming when everything that is covered up will be revealed, and all that is secret will be made known to all. Luke 12:2, NLT
Well, God’s Word says in Proverbs 19:9 that the one who hides the truth will get caught, and that all secrets will be known; and from my own experience-His Word holds true.
Let me share the quickest version I can of a story for you skeptics.
My view was different. My methods for moving people towards change are different, and sometimes for that, I don’t see eye to eye with people. In working with kids, one thing I have learned is that not one is to be treated in my space the exact same. Sure, there are treatment plans that are written with the same language, but one method I may use with one, isn’t going to work in the next session with another. I also know that treatment plans are, well….”plans.” Plans are usually wrecked when working with kids. Fluid. And each session I have with one, is just that-fluid. In counseling-plans are for insurance billing and goal-setting. I am for the client.
This is why I don’t often see eye to eye with everyone. If I don’t think it will help the mental health of my client, I won’t do it. But, I haven’t always had the luxury of telling this truth, or to the other parties involved. And it was for a time brutal. In my desire to protect, I didn’t reveal all that occurred (nor, will I here-it could fill a book). The withholding. The hiding. It bred anger and bitterness. That was outwardly expressed. Until I finally just told the truth.
“And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32, NLT
Healing began once the truth was told. It wasn’t anything I could really explain. But change occurred. God breathes life into relationships when truth is revealed in kindness and love, only for the purpose of mending and healing.
I haven’t always been an example of this since that time, but it’s an example I try to be each time I think back to that time. “Always. Always be an example of truth. Even if it’s messy. Even if it hurts.”
Need a further reference for how hiding the truth is the opposite of love? In 1992, the movie A Few Good Men became a box office hit. Starring Tom Cruise, Demi Moore, Jack Nicholson, and many others, it told the story of two lawyers defending two Marines charged with the murder of a fellow Marine who had fell out of favor with the others, mainly for breaking the chain of command, reporting inappropriate actions, and requesting a transfer. The murder had reportedly been ordered by the commanding Colonel, played by Jack Nicholson.
Two men. Two very different truths. One truth is based on a code of honor, dignity, and what is believed to be right from a governing force or institution. The other truth? Based on common character, integrity, truth, justice, and beliefs about what is right and fair provided by the general preservation of lives. One was searching for the truth. One was hiding it.
In the movie’s famous interrogation scene comes the most remembered line from Nicholson, “You can’t handle the truth!” Right before admitting the cold-hard truth.
It actually sounds a lot like my story…without the murder and court trial.
It’s common. We lie. We withhold the details because we can’t handle the truth. We can’t handle the consequences that the truth will create. The feelings. The ways in which the truth will affect others.
But the truth is freeing. The truth is necessary. The truth is healing. Speaking the truth is not done in an effort to limit or to judge. It is done to create change that can build character, dismantle oppression, address injustice, protect others from future hurt, teach others how to stand up in the future, and build integrity.
We teach when we reveal truth. We stand for something when we reveal truth.
We love when we reveal truth.
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You are making your comeback
Ever fallen? I have. I do. All.the.time. I’m clumsy, and manage to trip over my own two feet on surfaces most can easily glide over. My last tumble? Broke my wrist, required surgery with hardware, and months of physical therapy to use that much needed wrist and hand again.
I’m not 100 percent. According to docs, I may never be. But I came back from it.
Ever been knocked down? I don’t mean by something or someone physically…though I have been. Even knocked out cold before by a neighborhood boy in middle school. What I mean is knocked down emotionally. Mentally. Like someone is taking hits at you day in and day out, and it’s just wearing you out. Maybe it’s even just life doing the hitting.
After a season of night falls and push backs. After the heartache of wrong turns and sidetracks. Just when they think they’ve got you game set match, Here comes the comeback -Danny Gokey
Comebacks. We all love the comeback story. The athlete whose career was good as gone, but gets back out on the field. The boy who is sick, but miraculously recovers. The one who loses everything from some natural disaster, but rebuilds.
“So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.’ “But his father said to the servants, ‘Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. And kill the calf we have been fattening. We must celebrate with a feast, for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.’ So the party began. Luke 15:20-24
Comebacks are inspiring.
But they require some things.
What are the elements of a comeback? Money? Resources? Insurmountable wisdom?
No…it’s realizing that perfection is a myth. A standard that’s unachievable in our human strength.
It’s cutting yourself a break for making a wrong turn. Realizing that falls are inevitable when you are growing and learning. Think about it-babies learning to walk fall down all the time. They get back up and walk all over again, and we applaud. We can do the same. Get back up. Applaud our willingness and perseverance to keep going.
Oh, yes. Keep going. Even on the worst days. With a positive attitude. Knowing He has gotten you through the worst before.
You were knocked down (even out) but not defeated. He made sure of it.
It’s offering yourself some forgiveness, because we all take turns we shouldn’t. Paths that looked enticing and inviting, until we got too far into the trees.
Offering it to others, too. Because we can’t move forward without it.
Getting back up on your horse, and learning to ride all over again.
And knowing that if you fall…it’s OK. He will catch you, and give you the opportunity to get it right…all over again.
Those are the makings of a comeback.
I do not own the rights to music, lyrics, or compilation of this video.
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Blooming in His time
But the godly will flourish like palm trees and grow strong like the cedars of Lebanon. Psalm 92:12
I was a bit of a late bloomer. I am not speaking physically here, I am speaking in terms of where we rate ourselves on how well we are doing based on the seemingly “successful” lives of others. I was never a conformist, so not sure I ever thought God would have intended any path in my life to conform to any “worldly” and acceptable pattern.
This is not to say I didn’t have big dreams. I wanted to go to college after high school, join the FBI (I said they were big), study criminal behavior…my life didn’t go as I had planned. As I had dreamed. It took detours of my own choosing. I took a long and winding path to lead me to where I am today. I bloomed later than most. And that’s OK, because maybe that is how God intended it.
Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21
When I think of blooming, I always think of flowers. I like to garden, and I have found that there are some flowers that I can enjoy for a season in my garden, and then “poof” they are gone. They bloom super fast. But then they quickly start to lose all their blooms as soon as the day gets hot, as soon as it gets too dry, as soon as any adversity comes. They can’t withstand the long, hot, hard days. These flowers don’t make it past one good, hot summer. They quickly lose their luster.
But then, I remember the story of the bamboo. I remember hearing this story when I was sitting in on a lesson when my oldest was a member of our church’s youth group. Each time I see one of these plants in our local Lowe’s, I feel the desire to purchase one-just to remember the late bloomers.
Enter the bamboo plant…
I bought one though…today Lowe’s just called my name a little louder. The bamboo plant can be planted from seed at the same time as any other plant, watered and nurtured. Provided the same amount of care and love. Yet, that other plant may grow significantly larger and faster. While you see nothing from that bamboo. The bamboo plant won’t start sprouting any leaves until about the fifth year, and then within six months time it can grow between 80 to 100 feet tall.
Does it mean that nothing is happening for four years? That the seed you are tending is laying there doing nothing? That what you are doing is not making a difference? Or that your suffering, or your twisty path, that may look different is all for naught? No-you; like the bamboo; are growing strong roots. Roots strong enough to sustain you for the journey that lies ahead just for you.
God knows that you are not the average garden flower. Not the average houseplant. Not like the rest that can be nurtured for a bit, walk the same path as everyone else, and quickly fall away.
You are the bamboo. You grow along a different path. A different speed. A different schedule. But you grow strong roots. Maybe a late bloomer, but when you bloom, He knows you will be standing tall.
About Me
I am January! Wife, mother, meemaw, pastor, and mental health provider who makes it through the day with my coffee, my journal, and my God. A simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic. All focused on Him.
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