Hello, I’m January
Inspiration and thoughts on God and faith, written by a simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic.
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WWJD: Keep on loving
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 1 Corinthians 13:7, NLT
Ever wanted to give up on someone? Just wave your hands in the air, accept defeat, and let them go on about their (usually destructive) business?
I know I have.
But something often stops me. Yes, I am a softy. My best friend tells me I am “too nice.” I have made it a personal goal to set some hard, fast boundaries around my limits and heart; but there are some things, God will not allow me to relinquish. Even though I want to just give up.
It reminds me of a story of another woman who was persistent in the saving. The Shunamite woman. Her story begins in 2 King 4, and she is not named, she is only listed in the King James Version as a “great woman,” and in other versions, as a “wealthy woman.” She had everything she needed, but one thing-a son. Elisha would come into town, and each time he did, he would come have dinner with the wealthy family, and the woman, knowing he was a man of God, made a place for him, a place for him to stay. She took such good care of him, she was promised a child; but then something happens to that child.
One day when her child was older, he went out to help his father, who was working with the harvesters. Suddenly he cried out, “My head hurts! My head hurts!” His father said to one of the servants, “Carry him home to his mother.” So the servant took him home, and his mother held him on her lap. But around noontime he died. She carried him up and laid him on the bed of the man of God, then shut the door and left him there. 2 King 4:18-21, NLT
She wanted him to be saved. To be healed. She loved him dearly. And you must believe, so did God. And sometimes this is where we end up wanting to give up. The desire to save becomes too much. Too much to carry. It seems we want it more at times than the other person, and we can even grow resentful, angry, and bitter. There are also times when we give so much of ourselves we can enable others not to seek their own saving.
And don’t get me wrong here, I realize I am talking about love today. And I am writing about not giving up. Not losing hope, remaining faithful and steadfast in love. But we can do this, and let go. We can do this and give those people back to God.
Did the Shunamite woman not do this with her son? Did she not love him simply because she carried Him to the one who could truly save Him, and let him go. Let God do His work?
But how do we do this? How do we continue to be faithful, hopeful, and loving; yet not give up on the people we just can’t carry any longer? How do we lay our burdens, our “sons” at the feet of Jesus?
Prayer.
We love by praying.
We continue to remain hopeful that God hears our pleas for their salvation. We do not give up praying that they seek truth and wisdom from Him.
This is how we demonstrate faithfulness and perseverance in love to those we just have to let go.
Never stop praying. 1 Thessalonians 5:17
Never stop. Don’t give up. Always remain hopeful that He hears you, and He cares about those you love.
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To know my Jesus
Are you past the point of weary?
Is your burden weighing heavy?
Is it all too much to carry?
Let me tell you ’bout my Jesus
Do you feel that empty feeling?
‘Cause shame’s done all its stealing
And you’re desperate for some healing
Let me tell you ’bout my Jesus. -Anne WilsonWe all come to a point when we are weary. So heavy-laden with burdens, that are just too much to carry. We all have shame we hold from past choices. And we all need healing from those feelings deep inside us. We have likely tried every “potion” the world has offered, and still have not found the healing we so long for.
I know this, because I tried looking for all the solutions from the world and all its promises once, too. But I never found any help there. So…let me tell you ‘bout my Jesus.
Jesus entered Jericho and made his way through the town. There was a man there named Zacchaeus. He was the chief tax collector in the region, and he had become very rich. He tried to get a look at Jesus, but he was too short to see over the crowd. So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore-fig tree beside the road, for Jesus was going to pass that way. When Jesus came by, he looked up at Zacchaeus and called him by name. “Zacchaeus!” he said. “Quick, come down! I must be a guest in your home today.” Zacchaeus quickly climbed down and took Jesus to his house in great excitement and joy. But the people were displeased. “He has gone to be the guest of a notorious sinner,” they grumbled. Meanwhile, Zacchaeus stood before the Lord and said, “I will give half my wealth to the poor, Lord, and if I have cheated people on their taxes, I will give them back four times as much!” Jesus responded, “Salvation has come to this home today, for this man has shown himself to be a true son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and save those who are lost.” Luke 19:1-10, NLT
Oh, wait. What’s Zacchaeus got to do with Jesus? Well, he wasn’t letting anything stop him from getting to Him. He knew Jesus was his ticket to healing, and he was going to all lengths to see him, to hear him, to get to him. Sell everything he had. Pay it all back, even!
That’s how much he really wanted to know Jesus.
How much do we want to know Him? How much are we willing to give up to be saved? Are we willing to let go of our easy life? Our pleasures? So we can have the life He has promised to us when we accept Him? Are you willing to ask the tough questions? Crack open the Bible and sit a while? Do what those Red Letters are asking you to do?
Are you ready to hear about, learn about, and be about my Jesus?
Note: When I saw the video version for this song, it spoke to me for a very specific reason. Want to know why (Hint: It has to do with a Bible)? I’ll tell you THAT story in Sunday’s post, where I have begun sharing some of the stories that God has been leading me to share on this journey to trust and faith in my Jesus.
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Reflections on “self-love”
There’s a misconception that to love oneself, you are not surrendering yourself to God. I read somewhere recently in fact that indicated that loving oneself was wrong, and unbiblical. Selfish, is the word the writer used; stating it takes our eyes off God. That the only way to truly love oneself is to love others without boundaries.
It was on the internet. There were tons of comments. I didn’t rant underneath it. I didn’t unfollow. I agreed to disagree, moved on, and looked in the Bible instead. To what God has revealed to me over a number of months.
“Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?” Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ Matthew 22:36-39
As yourselves.
So the question: How do we truly love our neighbor if we hate ourselves? Shouldn’t we know how immensely God loves us and embrace that first?
Yes. Because I have loved without boundaries, and it has left me feeling useless, unworthy, and forgotten. Totally unloveable. I didn’t know the first thing about love (I talk about that journey here and here), and I took the time to talk to God about it.
Love others as you love yourself. Love yourself. As God has loved you. Know His love, accept His love, and wear it like a crown, so you can show His love to others.
That’s what He revealed to me. And knowing whose you are, and who you are; and loving that is not selfish. Love is God’s tool for us to use to light the world, but never to the point we begin to doubt His love for us. That’s not love. Not healthy love, anyway.
Through that time I also wrote a personal mission statement. A statement to remain in His love, and honor the love He has given me, so I would never question my worth. I am here to tell you: If you don’t know the love of God, you won’t truly know what it means to love others as yourself.
Personal Manifesto
I will embrace forgiveness and grace from my Heavenly Father, and forgive myself for the mistakes I have made. I may walk with a limp, but that limp tells the story of a woman so dependant on her Father for survival, of a woman so blessed. So beautiful. Broken, but made new and whole.
I will not look to this world for approval. I will embrace the fact that I am already approved, set apart, and made great by my Maker.
I can not control the thoughts and actions of others. Only they can.
I cannot fix people. Make them nicer. Make them more respectful. Make their lives better. Only God can.
I will continue to be kind, despite unkindness. Because it’s what Jesus would do.
I will, however, honor myself and my well-being by choosing not to be in the presence any longer of people who treat others with hate. Choosing to pray for changed hearts instead.
I can choose to stay away from toxic people. Those who consistently tear down and suck the life out of me. Realizing my kindness may never make a difference in some cases. Choosing to pray for changed hearts instead.
I can and will put my needs first when it’s necessary. My desire to foster positive and healthy physical, mental and spiritual health is not at all selfish. It’s mandatory.
I can and will set boundaries around my heart. Choosing to let go of people who consistently reject and abuse them.
I will decide not to be defined by the world’s standards of success. Knowing that riches fade, but kind, loving souls and hearts don’t.
I will not lose hope. I will realize that bad things exist. People mistreat people. But there is also good in the world. I will make a point to look for the good.
I will honor who I am in Him through my words, my thoughts, and my actions. Teach others how to treat me, and model to the world what love truly is. Love for God, love of the person He has made me to be, and love for others. Even those that are unloveable.
I will be me. Unapologetically.
It’s not selfish to honor this daily. To practice habits that demonstrate your value and your worth. To care for and love yourself. These steps give us the capacity to love others in ways we never have before. Without any agenda. Without any motive. With only the love of God. That love He so freely has given to us.
Offered to all. Unselfish as He is. Worthy to be celebrated and honored in the person you were made to be! As magnificent as he/she is.
Claim it. Own it. Put your personal “stamp” on your mission to “love yourself” as He loves you!
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Are you hiding your “stamp?
What are the things that make us run and hide? Find the safest place we can find to sink into and escape from the chaos of the world? Or simply hide parts of ourselves?
Shame? Yes. It can be shame. Even guilt. The first man and woman set the example of this type of hiding.
But what about protection? What about when we feel the desire to hide away to protect ourselves?
Has no one told you, my lord, about the time when Jezebel was trying to kill the Lord’s prophets? I hid 100 of them in two caves and supplied them with food and water. 1 Kings 18:13
“I just made everything private. Then I have to approve anyone who is looking or trying to twist the truth, or looking for the wrong reasons. See! Even my blog. I made that private, too!”
I had been triggered. I had told myself I wasn’t. That another’s opinion of me didn’t really matter, but it had triggered me. And I wanted to crawl into a private space and protect myself. Only let in people I allowed to be here.
I wanted to crawl into my on-line cave. Until I decided when it was safe to come back.
“You just put your light under a bushel. That’s what you just did.” My husband let me know my need to gain the upper hand somehow with all this “protection,” was really diminishing.
“No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house.” Matthew 5:15, NLT
My friend had told me just the day before my privacy crusade that I left a certain “stamp” when I graced a place. And here I was…trying to erase this “stamp.”
That stamp was a light. The “light of the world, on a hilltop that can’t be hidden.” (Matthew 5:14)
It should not be hidden.
Even if people are looking for the wrong reasons, the Jewish leaders were trolling Jesus for the wrong ones, too (Mark 12:15)
I can’t stop people from gossip or slander. From ill will or unforgiveness. That’s not a journey I can walk for someone, only alongside with support. But I can be a walking, talking version of light.
Even if I don’t stay “private,” I can ensure my public demeanor is just as holy as my private one. That my light shines the same at home, at the grocery store, at work, at church, and on-line.
That the stamp I leave simply says this:
JESUS WAS HERE
That’s a stamp I’d like the world to see. Through me.
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WWJD: Just tell the truth already
Love does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 1 Corinthians 13:6, NLT
Have you known someone, then found out later that they hid things about themselves? Left you wondering if they were really who they seemed to be? Why they didn’t think you could hold space for their truth?
Or maybe you were the one hiding the truth. Maybe you were hiding the truth about a situation because you wanted to protect the parties involved. Thought telling the whole story would protect the ones you loved from getting hurt. Or even protect you from the consequences. Protect you from the hurt. From damage.
Does anything good come from withholding the truth?
The time is coming when everything that is covered up will be revealed, and all that is secret will be made known to all. Luke 12:2, NLT
Well, God’s Word says in Proverbs 19:9 that the one who hides the truth will get caught, and that all secrets will be known; and from my own experience-His Word holds true.
Let me share the quickest version I can of a story for you skeptics.
My view was different. My methods for moving people towards change are different, and sometimes for that, I don’t see eye to eye with people. In working with kids, one thing I have learned is that not one is to be treated in my space the exact same. Sure, there are treatment plans that are written with the same language, but one method I may use with one, isn’t going to work in the next session with another. I also know that treatment plans are, well….”plans.” Plans are usually wrecked when working with kids. Fluid. And each session I have with one, is just that-fluid. In counseling-plans are for insurance billing and goal-setting. I am for the client.
This is why I don’t often see eye to eye with everyone. If I don’t think it will help the mental health of my client, I won’t do it. But, I haven’t always had the luxury of telling this truth, or to the other parties involved. And it was for a time brutal. In my desire to protect, I didn’t reveal all that occurred (nor, will I here-it could fill a book). The withholding. The hiding. It bred anger and bitterness. That was outwardly expressed. Until I finally just told the truth.
“And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32, NLT
Healing began once the truth was told. It wasn’t anything I could really explain. But change occurred. God breathes life into relationships when truth is revealed in kindness and love, only for the purpose of mending and healing.
I haven’t always been an example of this since that time, but it’s an example I try to be each time I think back to that time. “Always. Always be an example of truth. Even if it’s messy. Even if it hurts.”
Need a further reference for how hiding the truth is the opposite of love? In 1992, the movie A Few Good Men became a box office hit. Starring Tom Cruise, Demi Moore, Jack Nicholson, and many others, it told the story of two lawyers defending two Marines charged with the murder of a fellow Marine who had fell out of favor with the others, mainly for breaking the chain of command, reporting inappropriate actions, and requesting a transfer. The murder had reportedly been ordered by the commanding Colonel, played by Jack Nicholson.
Two men. Two very different truths. One truth is based on a code of honor, dignity, and what is believed to be right from a governing force or institution. The other truth? Based on common character, integrity, truth, justice, and beliefs about what is right and fair provided by the general preservation of lives. One was searching for the truth. One was hiding it.
In the movie’s famous interrogation scene comes the most remembered line from Nicholson, “You can’t handle the truth!” Right before admitting the cold-hard truth.
It actually sounds a lot like my story…without the murder and court trial.
It’s common. We lie. We withhold the details because we can’t handle the truth. We can’t handle the consequences that the truth will create. The feelings. The ways in which the truth will affect others.
But the truth is freeing. The truth is necessary. The truth is healing. Speaking the truth is not done in an effort to limit or to judge. It is done to create change that can build character, dismantle oppression, address injustice, protect others from future hurt, teach others how to stand up in the future, and build integrity.
We teach when we reveal truth. We stand for something when we reveal truth.
We love when we reveal truth.
About Me
I am January! Wife, mother, meemaw, pastor, and mental health provider who makes it through the day with my coffee, my journal, and my God; and I am also on some days a hot mess. A simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic.
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