Encouragement grounded in Scripture
Rooted in truth. Anchored in Christ.
New reflections weekly.
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Inviting Laughter and God to Dinner
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12
Patience. It can be one of the hardest virtues to act out in one’s life, especially when it comes to children. I used to believe I was not one who possessed much in the way of this patience mess, and there are many days I am still quick to get angry, and not so quick to check my frazzled mommy emotions at the door.
Then, God sent Hunter. My true test of patience. A test I often fail, but a trial I have learned I can endure with His strength.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phil 4:13
Even enjoy a disastrous family dinner out! I am sure most families with children have experienced an awful dinner experience once in a while. Dinner time is to be a cherished time, one with meaningful conversation, a time to connect with your children and spouse. Dinner out with a sensory overloaded child is no exception. It is another test of already frazzled parents’ patience, and another hurdle for an overly sensitive child.
Inviting God to dinner begins with the van on the way, because “It’s taking too long,” or “It’s too far away,” or because he of course is hungry NOW. God, please give me patience to handle my child’s impatience…so begins the call to be faithful in prayer.
Inviting God to dinner starts before the meal arrives, before we even enter the restaurant, as Hunter’s new obsession with opening and closing doors can consume a good 5-10 minutes of precious time. God, please give me patience to deal with this new phase in his life… faithful in prayer.
When every demand from this tiny child’s mouth is 20 times more dramatic and loud than it should be….
When the hunger that must be satisfied NOW leads to kicking feet and scooting chairs…
When he starts running around tables declaring he’s a rock star and other non-coherant chatter…
When it feels like your child will not learn to ever display an ounce of social grace and you want the floor to open up and swallow you…
….be patient in affliction.
Or when trying to convince him that the ice cream in the store is just like the kind he eats at grandma’s house, even if it isn’t in the same package….
or when for the 15th time that afternoon, he is hungry again…NOW, because when we get home just won’t do…
…be patient in affliction.
I will show you and teach you in the way you should go. I will tell you what to do with My eye upon you. Psalm 32:8
In those moments when my patience has worn thin, I remember God’s call to be joyful in hope. Sometimes that joy means diverting a child’s attention, ignoring the stares from the people around you, and the need to criticize yourself as a parent, and choosing joy.
Joy in a game of parking lot Simon Says all to divert my child’s attention from his over-sensitive belly growling, or enjoying a child’s ability to laugh at himself in his less than glorious moments. And, if anyone has been so blessed to hear this child’s laugh, well, it is quite contagious. Certainly, if we invite God to dinner, we allow him to let laughter and joy help us overcome our dinner time afflictions, and teach us a little more about this patience mess.
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Beautifully Made by God
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. “ Psalm 139:13
“Hayley, your hair looks extra pretty this morning. Your curls are so soft and shiny,” began the bus stop conversation with my middle child. However, the effort to compliment my daughter on her beautiful head of curls quickly turns into this: “Yuck, I don’t like them! They are ugly!”
Really? This self-loathing starts at six?
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” Psalm 139:13
I remember my love/hate relationship with my own head of deep brown, unruly curls. As much as my mother tried to tell me how beautiful they were, how much people pay “to get hair just like yours,” I never listened to her voice of encouragement. Instead, I based my appearance on those around me-all those other girls who looked nothing at all like me, who had perfectly placed, straight strands of hair, who could brush their hair without fear of the brush getting stuck in the tangles at the end, whom I sure didn’t have tears of pain in their eyes from an early morning hair-pulling and detangling session. I was different. I stood out and was singled out, all because of my hair, and I didn’t like it!
“I praise you, because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Psalm 139:14
I took no solace in the realization that God made me just as I am, even those messy, unruly curls. I placed my self-worth in the opinions of others, in the images of those around me. Unfortunately, as time dragged on, it wasn’t just my hair I began to hate, but my nose, then my crooked teeth, until my self-esteem was gone. So, I hid my curls in buns, stopped smiling, and well-still hated my nose.
“My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.” Psalm 139:15
After this mornings conversation, I begin to remember another one Hayley and I had, not too long ago:
“Mommy, I want my hair cut like *Sally’s. She doesn’t have tangles.”
“Well, honey, Sally has straight hair. You can’t cut yours like that. It will still tangle because it is curly.”
And the six-year old response, the I-don’t-want-to-look-different response of my beautiful daughter: “Well, then I want straight hair like everyone else.”
“The very hairs on your head are numbered. You are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.” Luke 12:7
So, this morning, I told my sweet, yet sassy child what I wish I had been able to grasp 20 plus years before. “Honey, your hair is beautiful. You are beautiful. You know why? Because you were made by God. He wanted you to have those curls, so embrace them as part of who he made you to be.”
“Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good.” Genesis 1:31
It will be forever tempting to measure our self-worth against the beauty we see in others. We may have had mothers who encouraged us to embrace our differences, but we will all at some point fall prey to the comparison trap-even our six year old daughters.
“You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way.” Song of Songs 4:7
I am not sure when I finally accepted my different appearance. Up until about 3 years ago, I still hid my curls in a tangled bun, until I finally decided to let go of the temptation to compare my looks with that of others and chop off my hair all together. I still look different. I still have an upturned nose, crooked teeth, and in between haircuts, a head full of curls. However, now I hold my curly head high, I smile, and don’t even think much about my nose. God thinks I am beautiful. He thinks you are beautiful as well. He thinks the present six year old version of my former self is also beautiful. God chose me. He chose you, and he chose Hayley-our eyes, our noses, our smiles, and yes, even our unruly hair.
“For we are God’s masterpiece…” Ephesians 2:10
That’s all the reassurance any of us will ever need.
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He Is With You
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
We all worry about our children. We want them to fit in, to feel wanted, to feel secure, to navigate this cruel world without worry or anxiety. When you have a child who is overly anxious over simple changes, and who often feels like the world and his surroundings are an invader, well, you have a tendency to let worry run wild.
My husband and I worry about all of our children, but Hunter? Well, we worry about him the most. See, Hunter has autism, and parents who have a child with special needs can relate to the different type of worry that often affects our daily lives. We worry about all the “what ifs,” all the obstacles he may face, all the challenges he may have, because we know they will come. Once we overcome one hurdle, we are on to the next. It can make a parent crazy, a little too sensitive, and extremely anxious.
“Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.” 1 Peter 5:7
I know this. I have even recited this verse to others who have worry in their lives, yet worry has been my best friend ever since we received Hunter’s teacher assignment for the new school year. Each day for the last two weeks we have reminded him of his new teacher’s name, and shown him her picture all in the hopes that a new “routine” will set in before the school year gets started.
“Don’t worry about anything, instead pray about everything.” Philippians 4:6
Sure, we prayed. We cast our cares on Him, but worry still loomed. We still had questions to which we desperately wanted answers-NOW, of course. Is she going to be in tune with his food aversions? Will she understand this is why he vomits? Then, a phone call. It’s from the school nurse, one who happens to be a friend, and attends our church, another mother who says: “I’ll be watching for Hunter.”
So, the answer to our questions, the reminder from God-“I am with you.”
I hope we get the same bus driver. I hope we can get him on the bus if we don’t! The meltdowns that occurred when we had a substitute bus driver were brutal. We knew how bad they could be. We remembered the times we either left Hunter crying, or had to drive to school because he refused to board! What if we had to start the school year with them? We worried, and hoped, and prayed again. He answered with the release of bus schedules that showed us what we should have had faith in all along-the same bus driver, the same bus number, the same bus stop. Routine-just what we needed.
And God whispered yet again.
“I will not fail you or abandon you.” Joshua 1:6
Autism is certainly nothing compared to the trails and triumphs of Joshua when called to continue the deliverance of the Israelites from Egypt. Crossing the Jordan River seemed to be an impossible task, and Joshua most certainly had to have been filled with worry (Joshua 3). Even still, he had faith in God, and as the river was dried and the Israelites moved across, God whispered to each one of them-“I am with you.”
If God can get an entire nation of people across a raging river, then he can guide Hunter and his weary and worried parents through a new school year-strong, courageous, fearless, and encouraged, as our youngest, exceptional, quirky, and challenging son boards the same school bus, to meet the same driver, and to spend the school year with his new teacher, with last year’s teacher along for the ride-that’s right, last year’s teacher. How is that for routine and answered prayers?
No matter what new back to school obstacle we all may be facing-a new classroom, a new school, a new bus schedule, or the start of school in general, in the midst of it all-
He is with you, too.
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Me-I Am Just Like You
“Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body.” Ephesians 4:25
Truth. Transparency. Honesty. They are all one and the same.
What would happen if we were all a bit more transparent? I don’t mean say whatever you feel, no matter who may be watching transparency, but the kind that allows us to admit our faults, struggles, and weaknesses to each other. What would happen if we allowed each other a tiny glimpse into our lives?
This is a question that God has placed on my mind lately. As I walk further along this journey He has set out for me, His voice often reminds me that if I feel called to assist others in their struggles as a Minister of God, and a counselor, I have to be able to be completely honest about myself. Certainly people would be more willing to to open up about their own lives if they had someone to talk to that would honestly say, “Hey, I have been there too! I stumble. I fall. I have joys, sorrows, struggles, and triumphs.
I am just like you.”
What if we admitted these truths to each other?
Paul in Galatians 6:2 instructs everyone to “share each other’s burdens.” Yet, how can we achieve this if we are too afraid to speak about our burdens; if we cannot be honest about our fears and failures, instead of our successes? We cannot empathize with our Christian brothers and sisters if we are not willing to get “dirty” every once in a while and engage in a real heart to heart conversation without the fluff of happiness and smiles.
“Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep.” Romans 12:15
We all want to feel and believe that we are not alone in the midst of whatever challenges we face. We want someone to understand what we are going through, how we feel, and what we think about the world in which we live. However, we often can’t get past our need, especially those of us who are mothers, to look like we have it all together.
Admitting our messes and failures? Are you crazy?
The answer to that question is debatable at times, but I do know God does not want me to put on a plastic smile, and pretend that everything is going great. Instead He calls me to confess with my mouth my life’s struggles and triumphs, not just for me, but “so that you can live together whole and healed” (James 5:16).
My transparency may not only be God’s way of helping me be honest with myself and others, but His way of letting someone else know that they are not alone. It could be His way of letting a weary, frazzled mother who thinks everyone else has it all together, be reminded: “See, my child, she is just like you.”
About Me
I am January! Wife, mother, meemaw, pastor, and mental health provider who makes it through the day with my coffee, my journal, and my God. A simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic. All focused on Him.
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