Hello, I’m January
Inspiration and thoughts on God and faith, written by a simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic.
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Promises of God: Sleep
In peace I will lie down and sleep,
for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe. Psalm 4:8, NLTI wrote my very first blog post in August of 2013. The last paragraph ending with this desire:
My transparency may not only be God’s way of helping me be honest with myself and others, but His way of letting someone else know that they are not alone. It could be His way of letting a weary, frazzled mother who thinks everyone else has it all together, be reminded: “See, my child, she is just like you.”
Our son, Hunter, had been diagnosed at 18 months old with high functioning autism. Prior to this diagnosis he was struggling to walk, struggling to talk, and struggling to function with his day to day emotions. To the outsider he looked “normal.” He rarely broke a rule. Threw a tantrum (against the rules), or did anything considered “atypical.” He saved all of that for home. And he rarely slept. He had a very LONG bedtime routine. And night terrors often woke him.
I started this blog as a way to get my thoughts together. About how I felt alone as a mom. About how I felt like no one believed me when I said he was autistic. Because they expected a “look.” Or because he was “fine for me.” Or because no one just got it, really.
I spent the hours at 3am writing. Instead of laying in bed thinking about things I couldn’t fix.
Hunter has always been a creature of sleep routines. From the time he was brought home he had unique and very intricate sleep patterns and routines. He would not sleep alone. Due to being laid with Mommy shortly after birth, he was a chest napping, and therefore a chest sleeping baby for about the first 3 weeks of life. My husband and I took turns on our couch, just ensuring he slept until his next feeding. And he slept. Soundly. As long as he was nestled heartbeat to heartbeat.
When he moved to his crib. Yep. Not easy. We had to purchase a special bear just so he would stay there. So used to the sound of heartbeats he had to go to sleep with this rhythm.
Until we discovered, he also had to hold onto something. This is where his beloved stuffed “puppy” comes in. He has not for one night, NOT slept without “puppy.” Let’s NOT even speak that into existence at this point. I don’t care if he IS a teen. Let him have that “puppy.”That “puppy” deserves to be bronzed. Well, not like an idol. If you know a “puppy” of this sort…you know what I mean.
Until sleep routines began to consist of back rubs until he fell asleep. That moved to figuring out math problems that left Hunter in fits of anxiety prior to bed. And his back rubs, consisted of whispered prayers that God would just fix this.
Until health scares turned to nights in the big bed to make sure everyone was ok. And more prayers. That He would just take these anxious thoughts away. Give Him peace. Some relief. Comfort. Someone to comfort Him while he was at school.
He still struggles with some anxiety, but I would not dare challenge that boy to a math contest. You are even more doomed if you dare to battle him at history. And He is often now the one who comforts. It took a lot of prayer, and yes…therapy; even a pandemic and extended time at home with no health scares for this to occur. But God works in mysterious ways.
His sleep problems seem to have ceased for now, though he still wakes when thunder booms. Now, mommy in her middle age struggles once again with the 3am wake-up call. This time it’s not because of that still small child. It’s likely my own anxious thoughts. Older age. God. Sometimes I answer, and I’ll still get up and write like I did when I started this journey way back when. But usually, I utter a simple prayer:
Lord, if you want me to get up; if there is something I need to talk out with you at this very moment you will let me know and I’ll get up. But, if this can wait until we have our time in the morning, please gently nudge me back to sleep.
And He tells me. Usually within 5 min I know. Sometimes I remember right away that I forgot to set my 5am alarm. My reminder I need to spend my morning quiet time with him, and I can get right back to sleep. Other times, I find myself still tossing and turning, and grabbing my 3am journal and heading down stairs.
Look, it may seem silly. But for 13 years we have been the keepers of “slumber.” I know He provides rest after a long day, and He promises that “You can go to bed without fear; you will lie down and sleep soundly.” (Proverbs 3:24). And He has proven this to be the case so many times in these years.
Have there been nights when sleep has not come? Of course. Some of those nights were filled with trials, and some of those nights were filled with tossing and turning of my own making because I simply didn’t call on God.
Know on those sleepless nights filled with trials, He is there watching your back, too; keeping you safe and gently guiding you to peaceful slumber. You are not alone.
Even at 3am.
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Promises of God: A Reason
Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. Psalm 139:16, NLT
“Everything happens for a reason.”
A phrase I have had a problem with a time. Two. Three hundred. And some. For me, at times…it seemed like a pat answer usually given to ease the hurts and struggles of others. We don’t know what else to say at these times. Maybe we do actually see something good coming out of this, and so we want to see the positive. A different perspective.
My problem with it? In my times of hurt. Struggle. Trials. Times I just didn’t understand what God was doing. I didn’t see good. I didn’t get it at all.
“Everything happens for a reason.”
Sure. What reason exactly? And can He show me? Like now? Yes. To be real…that was usually how I felt.
But not so much anymore. The phrase has kinda grown on me. One can even say that it is Biblical. We know trials exist because of the sin that entered the world through Adam and Eve. Evil exists because of it, and it’s repercussions and it’s pains are a part of our lives now. We also have a part in these “reasons.” We are knuckleheads. We make unwise choices at times, and so we suffer for them. But I am not talking about these types of things. I am talking about the trials and situations that just make no sense.
If you look at the references to reasons and seasons Solomon makes in Ecclesiastes, Solomon was making a case for things being ordained by God by Him at His specified time:
For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, NLTGod has a purpose for the time in which He allows things to occur. And while it makes no sense to us, it makes sense to Him. While it may cause us pain. Strife. Stress. Annoyance. It is all according to His plan. To His purpose. One He intended for us long ago.
It’s just hard for us to realize this when we are in the midst of the struggle. Because in the heat, we want the furnace to be cut off. During the test, we want the answers. During the trial, we want to know the verdict. But sometimes, the answer looks more like this: We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. Romans 5:3-4, NLT
The reason is often our greater strength. Healing. Hope. And a desire for others to know and have the same.
God gave us hard things so we can walk with someone else through their hard things. The way no one else can, or often will. That’s the reason.
God gave you your unique personality. The one no one seems to “get,” because that is the exact personality that can reach a people that others just can’t reach. He knows you are just the person who can. That’s the reason.
God gave you that vision, then put a mountain, roadblocks, and boulders in the way; because He knew He had something bigger waiting for you. Something He knew you would see through to the end. That’s the reason.
God moved those people. Let them hurt you. Leave you. Ghost you. Because He knew they could not go where you are going. They would have kept you from seeing this vision clearly. That is the reason.
He knew it. He saw it when He was forming you. He knew what you would go you. He knew you would be strong enough to endure it. He carried you through. And He knew you would use it to carry others to Him.
It was all for His reasons.
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Promises of God: Healing
He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever. Revelation 21:4, NLT
Today’s devotional is not part of the monthly promises. It’s prompted from my hiatus in my effort to write. My inability to do much at all in fact. But it’s still a promise all the same. One we all rely on. All desire. And sometimes forget is still in God’s timing. And all part of His plan.
Healing.
I’m on day 5 of a migraine. Likely due to pollen from the dogwood blooms. The consistent change in the air here in Virginia. Or my genes. I look like my mother. Except for my dad’s blue eyes, I’m the spitting image of my mom, but from my father I recieved the headaches that I have suffered with since the age of 10, and the spinal arthritis that has ailed me since I was 19. Both of us work through the pain. No need to complain about it. Or lay around and whine. It’s a part of the daily routine.
But I am getting older now, and it is getting harder to manage the day with a head splitting headache, and burning back pain.
So, yes. Some days when I manage to have a few cancellations, I lay down and sleep.
It’s not something I generally talk about. Most people have no clue. You can’t tell just by looking at me. And it isn’t something I can do much about. I have seen a ton of doctors. I take medication that provides little relief. I use that contraption called a TENS unit. I have tried every anti-inflammatory diet. I have had physical therapy. I have had all those cortisone shots that are recommended. Nerve blocks. I walk. I stretch. I exercise. But the pain remains. I have walked to the front of the church and asked for anointing and yet-I still have pain. I still walk around with this pain daily.
Yet, I believe God still heals. Maybe not now. Probably not tomorrow. But He will.
I also know God has the power to heal, but there are times He doesn’t. Paul mentioned this when he spoke of his “thorn:”
Therefore, so that I would not become arrogant, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to trouble me—so that I would not become arrogant. I asked the Lord three times about this, that it would depart from me. But he said to me, “My grace is enough for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” So then, I will boast most gladly about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may reside in me. 2 Corinthians 12:7-9, NLT
We can only speculate what Paul’s thorn was, but I can relate. Burdens. Pain. I have asked God to take them away. To heal me. But He has not. Are they there to humble me? To remind me that I need Him daily to strengthen me? That I cannot move in my own flesh because I will fail? Yes. Certainly. So likely, healing will not come this side of eternity.
We want healing in our time. And we expect God to heal ALL things. We forget at times that pain and suffering exist because of the sin that came into the world, and yes-God can heal…but pain and suffering are inevitable. God’s healing may not come in the way we desire. It may not come in the form of miracles. Yes. It may come in the form of a new, pain-free body. The new body He gives us when we are called to Him. At the end of time.
We often can’t wrap our minds around this. That a loving, all-powerful God allows this kind of pain.
That pain-free healing isn’t offered to ALL here on earth.
Unfortunately, that’s the consequence of the fall. That’s why it’s so important we turn to Him. So we can have our healing with Him in heaven. So He can give us the strength to endure the pain we will experience here on earth. Are there miracles? Of course there are! But some of us will endure pain. Some of us will continue to live with thorns in the flesh until we get new bodies. But God will give us the power to endure this here on earth.
That’s what He has done for me. That is the miracle. The shift in attitude is the healing. The endurance and perseverance despite the never-ending pain is the testimony.
And what He will do for me in glory will be even more miraculous.
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Promises of God: Rest
He lets me rest in green meadows;
he leads me beside peaceful streams.
He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
bringing honor to his name. Psalm 23:2-3Anyone else need a long winter’s nap? I don’t mean the kind you need after losing an hour. I mean a few days of nothing but napping?
I can’t be the only one. We are a people who are busy, busy, busy. We move from place to place. Here and there. The next big thing without pause, and as a result we are exhausted-physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually.
We need some rest.
Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28
In today’s verses, we read of the importance of rest. How it is provided by God. We also often take these verses quite literally. We often think they give us permission to just take a nap. And they do, rest for the soul requires physical rest. Even Jesus napped. But it requires more than just laying in our beds. It requires we rest in Him.
See, Jesus was clear in Matthew 11:28 about those burdens. He instructed us to lay them down. We, however, often carry them around like a badge of honor. Until we become weary with the load. The burdens were never intended for us to carry, so what do we do?
Our sins. The expectations of this world. The acts of others. Our search for purpose. We surrender that to Him, and we let Him carry it. We get rest from carrying our load. A load too heavy for us to manage alone.
We do this, and then we remain still. Still in the presence of God. Waiting for His timing, and not rushing to make things happen in our time. We surrender, and He gives us peace. And as the Psalmist says, He will lead us to the “green meadows and peaceful streams” intended to restore us.
He will give strength for the journey if we just let Him lead, and rest a while.
Yes. I need a nap today. Hours of them to be exact. I am burdened from toiling. Traveling. And the busy, busy, busy. But today as I wearily embark on another day I will thank Him for it. Surrender whatever occurs in it to Him, and know He will give me the strength to get me through to those “green meadows” He has waiting for me.
Today, I will rest in Him.
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Promises of God: He Keeps Them
For the Lord your God is a merciful God; he will not abandon you or destroy you or forget the solemn covenant he made with your ancestors. Deuteronomy 4:31
He stood there, just having got off the school bus. Refusing to come inside the house. He did this frequently, so today was not any different than most. So I did what I usually do, sat on the porch and waited for this to be over.
Until he looked at me and said, “Aren’t we going to get donuts?”
He hadn’t forgotten. And I was really hoping he had forgotten.
“Can we go tomorrow?”
“No! You promised! You promised we would get donuts!” I could see it coming. Only because it used to come every afternoon (not over donuts, just because it was part of the after school sensory overload). A meltdown was brewing in the front yard. In full view of all the neighbors. And this one was all my fault. Because I was breaking a promise.
I did go get those donuts, and I vowed to not break a promise if it was in my power not to ever again. Not because I wanted to avoid a public meltdown. Simply because I wanted to avoid the disappointment that another person may feel. And because I now knew-kids remember promises. Frankly, I believe we all do. And we remember even more those that are broken.
And in those broken promises we build a foundation of mistrust, disappointment, and insecurity. In the world around us and the people in it.
It’s common. It’s a part of our carnal, sin nature. We say things and make promises to get the heat off us for a while. “We will do that tomorrow,” is often code for “Man I just don’t feel like it today, and I likely won’t want to tomorrow either. Maybe they will forget.” They don’t. They ask again. We put it off for another day, and they eventually do stop the asking, which is what we desired. But they also stop trusting. They stop seeking a relationship with us. They stop seeing us as reliable. Safe.
Until we start to wonder if promises were ever meant to be kept at all. Or mere lip service. Never to honored in the first place.
They were. They are meant to be kept. They will be honored.
And they are kept and honored by God. Every promise He makes He delivers. He has in the past and He will again.
He promised Abraham a son, and delivered. He promised to make him a father of many nations, and blessed him with offspring that made up the Twelve Tribes of Israel.
He promised David a descendent that would build a throne for God, which was in fact Solomon; but that would also sit with God. That his lineage would include one who saves. Through the lineage of David, we have Christ.
He promises that for those who believe in Christ, to provide the Holy Spirit, and He is surely alive and active. He promised and did adopt us as His children.
He also established an eternal kingdom for us, one He promises we will inherit one day. Do we believe His words are more than mere lip service? I know I do.
Promises may not mean much to people. They may be mere words spoken in haste, or to put someone off for the time being. But they are a covenant to God.
He WILL do what He has promised. He has before and He will again.
About Me
I am January! Wife, mother, meemaw, pastor, and mental health provider who makes it through the day with my coffee, my journal, and my God; and I am also on some days a hot mess. A simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic.
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