Encouragement grounded in Scripture
Rooted in truth. Anchored in Christ.
New reflections weekly.
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I’m Happy. Really!
A glad heart makes a happy face, a broken heart crushes the spirit. Proverbs 15:13
I am going to be honest. I have a problem with this particular Proverb. Solomon while certainly wise and getting most things right, has it wrong in this one line. I just have to beg to differ here.
Why?
Because of what I like to refer to as my natural “frowny” face. As you can see in the above picture, it is a frown, a scowl, a look of disgust that I have worn since my childhood. It is the reason I shy away from spontaneous pictures-because no matter how hard I try, I always look mad. In looking at most of the pictures of me past and present, one would think I was in one of the most rotten of moods.
But, really? I’m happy! My heart is glad even if it doesn’t show on my face.
My natural smile turned upside down has often been the subject that has made relationships and conversations anything but happy. Recently my “frown” has been the subject of various disagreements with my husband as well. See, I don’t always greet him in the evenings with a mega-watt smile. Sometimes this is because I am monitoring the cooking prowess of our five year old, or trying to discuss the importance of neat penmanship with our six year old. Most of the time, nothing is really wrong. Our teen and I have probably shared a joke or two on most of these afternoons. Hunter has probably said something witty, and maybe a little weird, and Hayley has probably amused me with her dancing moves.
I’m happy! Really!
I am filled with comfort. In all our affliction, I am overflowing with joy. 2 Corinthians 7:4
But, my lack of a smile sends my husband this message: She must be ticked off about something. Better not talk to her!
Sadly, my husband is not the only one to whom I may have conveyed this message.
People have assumed my frowny face means I don’t like them. But, really…there are not many people I don’t like. I’m actually in love with most everyone!
Colleagues have assumed I am stuck up. But honestly…I am far from that. Remember, I am in love with you and most everyone else!
She’s mad. She’s mean. She’s cold. She must hate her life. Does she ever smile?
I am here to assure you that-no, I am not mad. I can be mean. We all can at times. I am not cold. I love hugs, and I love to give them. And although there are some things about my life that I would like to change, I love most of it.
Despite my frowny face, I really do like you. I really am nice-I promise. And, I am happy. Really!
So, after I professed my frowny happiness to my husband, his words were these: I need to work on not judging based on your outward appearance, or my perception of what type of mood you are in.
Ding! Ding! Ding! You got it!
This is what we do-judge on outward appearances. We assume the worst about what a person may be feeling or thinking. We miss out on meaningful relationships because we think someone is in a bad mood, or dislikes us.
“Every scowling face also contains the shapes of engaging smiles, just waiting to be released.” Dr. SunWolf
So, next time you see a scowling face, don’t be afraid to approach, or to strike up a conversation. You may just find that underneath that natural frown is a man or woman who has a whole heck of a lot to smile about!
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I Don’t Want To Be A Modern-Day Martha
So I decided there is nothing better than to enjoy food and drink and to find satisfaction in work…these pleasures are from the hand of God. Ecclesiastes 2:24
“Mommy! Mommy! We want to clean! What can we clean?”
Say what? There is no way I heard that correctly. These kids want to clean? Did I really just hear them say this? And so it began. Their first task? Cleaning off the sink in the hall bathroom. The one that accumulates every hair bow, every toothbrush, and every wash cloth that has wiped chocolate covered mouths.
And my kids actually want to clean it!
Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might. Ecclesiastes 9:10
If only I could learn to enjoy cleaning as much as these two did. However, it is a chore I hate to do. Perhaps it is because I am a little obsessive about how my house should be cleaned. No, don’t use that cleaning sponge, use this one. I don’t wash the towels with the sheets, I wash them this way. No, that basket doesn’t belong there, it goes on that table. I become so obsessed with the rituals I have assigned to each task that no one wants to help me….no one wants to be a part of my obsessive cleaning plan, and endless orders.
And, usually on any other day, I would not have let my children help me clean, because they would have used the wrong cleaner, placed the towels with the sheets, and put that basket on the wrong table.
But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details. There is only one thing worth being concerned about! Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken from her.” Luke 10: 41-43
Oh no! My obsessive list of cleaning rituals has made me a Modern-Day Martha! Missing out on golden opportunities that await me in my own home. Missing out on the rest promised in Matthew 11:28. Missing out on the opportunity to teach my family about the teamwork written in Ecclesiastes 4:9. Missing out on the chance to rejoice in the everyday tasks of life as instructed in Colossians 3:17.
Missing out on many of the things that are much more important than whether someone uses furniture polish instead of Windex.
“Mommy! Mommy! We want to clean! What can we clean?” Before I was able to give a rebuttal, or to let my Modern-Day Martha list of rituals force me to object, my husband looks at me and says: “You better take advantage of this and run with it!”
And I did. I let them use whatever spray they chose. I didn’t care where the basket ended up. I even let them sort the clothes.
I gave up my need for rituals and details this once so I could enjoy a little peace and rest. To watch my kids complete a task together. And once again to learn just how important it is to rejoice in the mundane tasks that each day has to offer.
I may not be able to get over my need to wash the towels and sheets separately (as I still insisted the kids sorted those correctly), but I am challenged to give up the tendency to become a Modern-Day Martha, and to become a Modern-Day Mary instead-relishing in what matters most.
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One Word: Fearless
But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you. Psalm 56:3
My children often teach me many lessons on life and parenthood. Having one child with autism has also taught me to embrace the fact that many of the obsessions children with this diagnosis have are often not completely rational, and sometimes others may think their likes are downright weird. Our son, Hunter’s, obsession? Sharks. Despite his love for this ocean creature, I am deeply terrified of sharks. While Hunter learns all he can about them (did you know there was a Lemon Shark?), I can’t get past the only thing I care to remember about them.
They swim in the ocean. Underneath my feet. And they bite. Hard! I’m afraid of the ocean. I’m afraid of sharks.
He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day. Psalm 91:4-5
Yet, there are many things this heart fears.
I’m afraid of failure. I’m afraid of speaking up. I’m afraid of being vulnerable. I’m afraid of taking big steps, moving forward into unknown territories.
Why? Because it means I may fail. I may have to speak up. I may have to be vulnerable.
I’m afraid of not belonging. I’m afraid of roller coasters, spiders, and snakes. And while its contradictory, I’m afraid of not indulging in and reaching for everything this life has to offer.
I fear not being good enough, and I let this fear hold me back from living a life of purpose.
I fear looking back and realizing all the things I said I would do and accomplish were never accomplished at all.
That’s why this year, I have no resolutions. I will not make plans to do more or less of anything. This year my resolution is simply one word: FEARLESS.
“Don’t be afraid. For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears.” Zephaniah 3:16-17
FEARLESS. The word that God revealed to me as I reflected on the past year, and thought about the one ahead. Maybe it’s because too many times lately I have been afraid to speak up, move forward, and be vulnerable. Afraid of what others would think. Afraid to hurt others’ feelings. Someone who is often known for having so much spunk, has been anything but spunky!
I have been so overcome with fear that I have certainly not been FEARLESS.
I can’t tell you what this word will look like for me this year. Only God knows this. But, I do believe that in order to be FEARLESS, my purpose must be to face my fears. Admit I am afraid. Tell myself that being afraid is natural and totally OK.
While it may not mean I get over my fear of spiders or snakes, it does mean I learn to step outside my comfort zone…
To jump into the ocean, even though I know sharks swim in there.
To speak up, even though I may be the only one sharing.
To fail, be fine with it, and maybe even fail again.
To be vulnerable, even if it hurts.
To realize I am good enough, despite what others may think.
To reach for, indulge in, and grasp everything that God wants for me to have in this life, even if the path looks too long, too hard, or too scary.
To be FEARLESS.
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More Than a Dress Size
Let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 1 Peter 3:3-4
It had been one of those mornings. One of those mornings many women across the globe have, even thin women like me. On this particular morning I was having THAT day-the “there is nothing in my closet that fits and everything is too tight, too frumpy, too something” kind of day. Even my husband was subjected to my self-pity as I threw belts, hangers, and dresses; and griped to him that “Nothing fits!” “This dress won’t even zip!” “I have on tights, so I can’t just throw on pants.” “Where are my Spanx?” Yes, skinny chicks need Spanx too!
Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7
God tells us he doesn’t care about our dress size, but yet, we still worry so much about our outward appearance. We look upon the external appearances of others. We allow society and the media to tell us that we must lose that baby weight in 3 months or less, because if Kim Kardashian can, certainly we can too! We let fashion magazines and runway models tell us that we must all be a size 0, and we define each other by our sizes, too. I, although appreciative of any and all compliments I receive, have been the subject of dress size comparison when listening to comments on my thin frame- “Oh, you could wear anything! What, you are a size 2 or something, right?”
Right….courtesy of Spanx.
“For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come.” Mark 7:21
Those evil thoughts begin on days like the other morning when I feel like nothing in my closet is the least bit flattering. I must not disappoint all those who give me such wonderful compliments on my appearance. I must be a size 2! I have to be a size 2! Everyone expects me to look like a size 2! The self-loathing continues through the day as I pull on the fifth dress I managed to make work. A dress that is still too tight! (Where in the world are those Spanx!) The ever present critical voice that inhabits my head on occasion and that fueled an eating disorder in my teens and twenties slowly creep back in. I must be a size 2. It has been five years since my last child, and I should look like Kim! I am so not worthy!
“God created each one of us in our own unique way. Just like a snowflake we all hold a blueprint that differs from one another. It’s great to lose weight and keep our bodies healthy and strong, but it is also important that we appreciate who we are today-with or without extra pounds.” -Candace Cameron Bure, Reshaping it All.
Please don’t be offended. I certainly appreciate the flattery, the compliments. I know I am blessed with a smaller frame. I like having a neat and tidy appearance. Don’t worry your flattery is not breeding another eating disorder. And, yes, I realize I am a size 2, and many folks believe that I could not possibly know what it is like to wrestle with weight loss issues. body image, and the struggles of food. But I do. And I also know I am more than my dress size. More than my tiny frame.
Why do we women think that our dress size equates to worthiness, when God does not require us to be a certain size at all?
Why do we look in the mirror and only see our cellulite? (Yes, we thin chicks have that too. I’m telling you, Spanx are a sound investment!) Why do we focus on what is on the outside, and not look at all that we have to offer that has nothing to do with the size on the hanger or on our tags?
Why do we allow the devil to fill our heads with such self-hatred just because we do not fit the standard that society says is worthy and beautiful enough to be on the cover of a fashion magazine?
As I pulled and tugged on my dress THAT fateful day, I started to ask myself: Will anyone truly recall my dress size when it is all said and done? “That January. Such a fine young woman, and she was certainly a great size 2!” I certainly hope not!
Does God care that there are some days I feel a little “puffy,” or that my cardigan may be hiding the fact that my dress does not actually zip up in back because it is a tad bit too tight?
My size will not be a factor in how I love others. It will not be a factor in how I love God. It is not a factor in how I serve him. How I serve others. It is not a factor in my ministry, in my friendships, my marriage. Nor is it a factor in my walk with Him.
While size may be precious to society, it isn’t precious to God. He loves me and you regardless of the size on the tag of clothing we are wearing. Regardless of the number on the scale. Regardless of how long it takes us to lose baby weight. Regardless of whether or not we ever do!
God loves me-not my size. God thinks I am precious and amazing-Spanx and all!
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Ditching Our Best Laid Plans
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:5-6
I am a planner. I plan weekly menus and grocery trips. I plan vacations and day trips months in advance. I prefer to know about parties well in advance. I like to plan for the future, and don’t like surprises. That being said, I am not the most spontaneous of people. Wreck my plan, and it can often get ugly. Wreck my plan, and I can potentially come undone.
As someone who has at one point been a teacher in training, and who has also taught children in our church for the past seven years, I know how important it is to have a good, solid, organized lesson plan. I also know what can occur in the classroom without one. In most cases, it does not pay to be spontaneous with a classroom full of children.
However, as He often does, God is once again teaching me that sometimes it does pay to be a bit spontaneous, less rigid, and more flexible. Sometimes we really must ditch our best laid plans in order for God to work according to His plans.
Each time I teach a class or speak in front of a group of people, I always write down and outline what I plan to share or what I plan to demonstrate to colleagues or students. But, sometimes, I fail. I don’t end up using my well thought out and organized script, and on those occasions when things are conveyed as per my neatly bulleted outline, I never quite seem to get the right message across. The message is lost, not heard, or misunderstood. Somewhere in all those bullets and neat headings I fail to really communicate what it is I want people to hear.
Why is this? Why are my best laid plans not always…well, the best?
“When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth.” John 16:13
Why are my best laid plans wrecked? Perhaps it is because they were my plans, written from my understanding, written for my purpose, my will, instead of the will and purpose of God. Perhaps the message I wanted to communicate, was not the message God meant to be heard at all.
Take this past Sunday, for instance. I had planned another Sunday School lesson for my third through fifth grade class. I had written out every detail. How we would start, where my introduction was headed, what activity I had planned as a group, and how we would close. I had crossed all my t’s, dotted all my i’s, added all my headings, and had each piece of the lesson in organized bullets. I had well-organized, best laid plans.
The only part of this lesson that went to plan was the opening, and even that was quickly transformed by the mere mention of the word “extinguish.”
I had to do the one thing I hate-be spontaneous, and I had to do this by going off-script, by letting God be a part of my plans.
“What is impossible for people is possible for God.” Luke 18:27
I hate surprises, and I believed the ability to trash my plans was just not in me, but nothing is impossible when we choose to rely on God and not our own “organized” thoughts. God pushed me to ditch my plans this Sunday to show me just how awesome a lesson can be if I relinquished the control I wanted to have of the children and my time, and left the teaching moments up to God. The children in my classroom engaged each other in a lively, open, and honest discussion on darkness in our world. For some of their questions on life, death, tragedy, and tattoos, I did not have all the answers. But in fully relying on God to reveal His truth, and not mine, I was able to supply the answers that He wanted these children to hear.
God’s lesson on being spontaneous may have thrown a wrench in my original plan, but it opened up the desire to be more spontaneous often, to go off-script more, to allow children to teach me once in a while, and to fully rely on God to supply the words needed in every circumstance. To ditch my best laid plans, and to stick to His glorious plan!
Lord, Help me to not get so caught up in the planning and preparation of my weekly message that I forget to rely on you and allow you to work through me. Help me to be reminded that the message I am delivering is the one You want me to share, and not within my own control. Show me how to be more spontaneous in other areas of my life as well. Amen.
About Me
I am January! Wife, mother, meemaw, pastor, and mental health provider who makes it through the day with my coffee, my journal, and my God. A simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic. All focused on Him.
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Grace 'n Grounds 