Hello, I’m January
Inspiration and thoughts on God and faith, written by a simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic.
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A Hand-Me-Down No More
This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! 2 Corinthians 5:17
I am a bit of a fashion maven. It’s true. I love clothes. I love how they feel. I love how they can define one’s personality, enhance a figure, and be the cloth that covers up how bad we may feel. I like that on those days I can at least look great, even when I may not feel it. I also like how one piece of clothing is different for each individual. And, this love of fashion, and it’s ability to be recreated into something different began as a young child.
I never had the trendiest clothes growing up. Nothing I wore looked exactly like anyone else’s, and I wasn’t heading to the mall to keep up with what my friends were wearing. Since my aunt and I were so close in age, I ended up with many of her clothes instead. Things I deemed “old,” because they weren’t mine. Some items that were obviously no longer in style. At least according to my classmates’ standards.
Instead of protesting to my parents whom I knew could not afford to keep up with all the new “fads,” I did what any young, budding fashionista would do. I started taking these “hand-me-down” garments, and making them “new.” Adding bits and pieces of my personality. My style. A belt. A necklace. A scarf borrowed from my mom’s closet guaranteed that the focus would not be on my old clothes, but my “new” accessories. And, when that didn’t work, I just cut my losses, and spilled enough juice on some of them so I could guarantee I never had to wear them again.
Knowing that the only way to make that “old” garment new, was to trash it.
God can do the same for us. He can take our old selves, and transform them into something new.
But, we have to trash a few things along the way. A few of the old, hand-me-down garments we used to wear.
Like our selfish desires. Our disobedience. Our crummy attitudes. Our hate.
Instead He gives us new garments such as self-control. Obedience. Faith. Brotherly affection.
But, he doesn’t want us to throw these things on every now and then as new accessories to simply cover up our old ways. He wants us to trash the old things like a juice-strained dress.
With a little prayer God can fill our hand-me-down hearts with love.
With time He can shift our hand-me-down attitudes to those of acceptance and understanding.
With praise He can change our old hand-me-down complaints and grumblings to words of thanksgiving.
With fellowship He can transform our hand-me-down loneliness to belonging.
With service He can change our hand-me-down selfishness to selfless and Christ-driven dreams, goals, and desires.
Until all of those old things. Those old ways. Those hand-me-down garments have been trashed for good, and the only things that remain are the duds no fashionista can emulate on the cover of a magazine, or in the halls of a school.
The garments of Christ. The ones that define us far better than any hand-me-down every could or will.
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The Season of Doubt
Now faith is confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. Hebrews 11:1
A few months ago, I had the honor of presenting the Sunday message at church. After spending a week ministering to kid’s through VBS, it had been revealed to me that my faith had been lacking. I knew in the back of my mind what God had asked me to do. I had prayed about it. I had prayed that somehow my husband would jump on board, and these prayers were answered. But, I was still not truly convinced or faithful enough to take the next step.
I was still scared of the “what-ifs,” and the only soil in which I wanted to plant my feet, was the kind marked “comfort.”
I have mentioned a few times how I have wrestled with finding my purpose for some time now. God had revealed the steps I needed to take to get there. He had revealed His plans, but I was still hesitant to move forward.
Until I was reminded of this:
“So anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven.” Matthew 18:4
Simple, child-like faith.
So, in that Sunday message I handed over all the things I used that blocked my ability to step out in faith. And, then I went to work and handed in a resignation letter.
But, now what?
When a client consistently misses appointments resulting in a missing paycheck.
When the internship I was so sure I could start still has not been approved.
When my inability to adjust to this new routine means my sole purpose is taking up space on my couch each day.
When the bills keep coming. The kids keep getting sick. When I start to wonder if I ever really heard Him right at all.
When I start to ask Him…Ok, Lord. I did it. Now what?
But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. James 1:6
I made a decision to step out in faith, but now I was doing exactly what this leap of faith did not allow-wavering in a sea of doubt.
See, I had this false belief that once I said “yes” to God, and took the step he had gently urged me to, that the rest would be a piece of cake. That all the pieces I needed for this “yes” to happen would all fall into place.
Instead, it has been full of obstacles. Full of waiting impatiently. Full of learning that saying “yes” isn’t always that easy.
Because in order for His plan to succeed I have to be refined. Molded. Tested.
So I can learn to pray through those obstacles.
So I can learn to be patient as I wait.
So I can learn to remain faithful in these seasons of doubt.
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Autism Came to Play
Autism came out to play today. It accompanied my boy down the steps of the bus.
Followed its afternoon routine perfectly, never altering his course, until some unknown thing slowly created a fuss.
Autism came home with Hunter, even though he wasn’t invited to stay.
Smiles quickly turned to tears. Tears to wails. Why? Who knows. It’s just a game autism likes to play.
Autism came out to play today, and he followed us to church, too.
Throwing things. Flailing. Beating Mommy up. Slowly making her come unglued.
Autism came out to play today, he seems to like it here.
He’s impossible to please. Sometimes more than a Mommy can bear. He is quite demanding, and his senses out of tune, I fear.
Autism came out to play today, and he isn’t going anywhere, anytime soon.
He screams at me. He punches me in the face. He wears me down to the core.
But, he also smiles. He also laughs. He also gives sweet kisses.
And the blessings of what he brings with him are enough to keep me going just a little bit more.
Autism came out to play today, and there is nothing else to do but invite him in.
To love him. To calm him. To hold him.
To tell him that whenever he needs you, well…you will aways be there for him.
Every time I think of you…I thank God. I Corinthians 1:4, The Message
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A Costume Like No Other
Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Ephesians 6:13
Halloween has become just another “interesting” event in our home. While our youngest child refuses to have anything to do with costumes (although he does not refuse the candy), our little girl cannot wait to dress up as someone different. She starts thinking about her costume as early as summer!
She is a planner, just like her mom. But, she is also stubborn (yes, I will admit….just like me!). So, of course, this year was no different. No other costume would do. She had to be the one character every other girl also wanted to portray-Elsa!
The one costume we could not find ANYWHERE!
I painstakingly searched for this ice princess costume (along with anyone else who has a little girl who watched or has heard of Frozen), and then I painstakingly searched for materials to just make the thing until I found pieces of one to borrow! I stressed over every measurement. Every detail. The right pins to secure the yarn wig. And, I stopped to wonder this-Have I painstakingly taken this much time to put on my Godly costume each day?
I sat in a hotel room measuring each piece of tulle fabric. Cutting each piece evenly. Tying each piece on a makeshift tulle belt. Braiding yarn. Strategically placing each glittered snowflake, and each spritz of glitter paint. I couldn’t help but think once again about the little monster at home who refuses to disguise his outer being. Who refuses to dress up as anything but himself. I thought about how, yes, this little girl will be even more stunning than the cartoon version, but she, he, I…we only really need one costume.
And, this is our Godly one. So, I opened up my Bible and read about this costume:
Stand your ground putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Ephesians 6:14-17
I then looked at all the tools I had at my fingertips for this blue costume that would be forgotten after one night, and I realized these tools could represent the costume that’s much more valuable and stunning than being one of the 300 Elsa’s sure to be out on Halloween.
The belt, not one made of princess-worthy tulle, but one adorned with truth. The truth about who I am in God. The truth about who He is. His promise. His Holy Scripture.
Scissors.These can represent my shield of faith. To cut away all the hurt and pain that lives in my heart. To cut away all the lies the devil tries so hard to tell me.
That glitter spray. That shiny crown. That braided yarn wig. No match for the helmet of salvation. The salvation that allows me to no longer be a slave to my selfish desires. No longer defined by my past choices. My past shame. My guilt. Shiny. New. A prince. A princess. Saved from sin. Loved beyond measure. Worthy. Beautiful. Redeemed.
The blue covering of Elsa’s dress is popular. It’s hip right now. It makes little girls feel like princesses, but it pales in comparison to the covering of righteousness we must put on as our armors. As our Godly costumes.
The covering of love that shines brighter than any glitter or any crown. The covering of acceptance that cuts across whatever barriers we may feel separate us from someone else. Greater than any scissors could certainly sever. The covering of grace that touches another’s heart, and wraps around another’s soul tighter than any belt of pretty tulle ever could or will.
As I prepare myself to frantically search among the many other little Elsa’s. As I stumble across all the moms who may have had to add fabric, sew buttons, tie tulle, or add glitter as the final touches to a costume that was hard to find. Or as the Hunters of the world adamantly refuse to put on a different covering, I hope my kids remember the covering she is called to put on daily. A covering that doesn’t come from placing shiny crowns or pretty dresses on our bodies. The covering that doesn’t involve adding glitter, and doesn’t require us to be anyone else.
Just His reflection. Just a crown of faith. A belt that’s tight enough to withstand evil. And a dress adorned with grace, love, and redemption.
Not an ordinary, shiny, homemade Elsa, but an extraordinary, beautiful, and handmade creation of God.
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My Brother’s Keeper
Reposting an “oldie” in honor of my little brother’s birthday! There is not a day that does not go by that I don’t miss and pray for my first best friend, but patiently wait for the day he will be home.
Blessed is the servant who loves his brother as much when he is sick and useless as when he is well and can be of service to him. And blessed is he who loves his brother as well when he is afar off as when he is by his side, and who would say nothing behind his back he might not, in love, say before his face. ~St Francis of Assisi
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your doing, this is the gift of God. Ephesians 2:8
“Mommy, I’m not going to college.” This is what my then 5 year old daughter says to me out of the blue one night while brushing her hair.
“Hayley, sure you are. What would make you say that?”
Her response: “Because I can’t leave Hunter. He needs me.”
This little girl, the one who bickers with, hits, and calls her brother “annoying” doesn’t want to leave him?
“Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God” Ruth 1:16.
This innocent conversation takes me back many years to another innocent conversation between my 16 year old self and my father. Just like Hayley did months ago, I told my father, “I…
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About Me
I am January! Wife, mother, meemaw, pastor, and mental health provider who makes it through the day with my coffee, my journal, and my God; and I am also on some days a hot mess. A simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic.
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