Hello, I’m January
Inspiration and thoughts on God and faith, written by a simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic.
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That Brick Wall Was Meant to Be Climbed
I am sure you have had one of those periods in life. When you are skating along and everything seems to be going great. You feel confident in the direction in which the Lord has you moving. Then-BAM! WHACK! You slam right into the makings of a brick wall. Or two.
A wall of defeat, maybe.
Maybe it’s a wall of criticism. Or self-doubt.
Hurt. Grief. Loneliness. Sin.
Regardless of what that brick wall may be, it begins to slowly tear away at any progress you have made. Making you feel that instead of moving ahead, you are now starting to move backwards.
Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you the path to take. Proverbs 3:6
This is what I had been doing. I had been letting Him lead me. Allowing Him to show me the path. I had a renewed sense of passion. Of purpose. I had a vision, and a plan I felt in my heart was truly His.
And then…it happened. I hit that wall and started staring at all the bricks that stood in front of me. The bricks that wanted to prevent me from staying the course.
The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. John 10:10
And, that’s what he tried to do.
See, all those bricks of defeat, criticism, self-doubt, hurt, grief, and loneliness are all the bricks that the devil tries to throw at you when you are headed in the right direction. The bricks that make up the wall that Satan tries to erect in your path to veer you off God’s chosen course.
With each roadblock, there is a brick on the wall which reads what Satan wants me so desperately to believe…
You are not good enough. You are not making a difference. You are not getting through to them.
Turn around. It’s too hard for you.
God has left you. You will never make it past this point now.
Just give up. You don’t have any other choice.
But, when those walls start looming in front of us, we do have a choice. We can give into Satan’s lies, or we can hold our heads high. Climb over those obstacles. Keep moving. Know that God has not left us. That He guides each and every step of our course.
With His strength and favor we can climb those walls. Chip away at those bricks. Move forward and keep going, no matter what obstacles lie before us, so that we can reach the glorious destination he has charted for each of us.
For the Lord, your God, will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you or abandon you. Deuteronomy 31:6
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Just a Bad Moment
In my home we have something I often refer to as the “witching hour.” It is the not so glorious hours between the end of the school day and dinner preparation. It consists of homework battles, grunts of hunger, bad attitudes, and meltdowns.
The battle begins with a weary, emotional mom, and the attitude of her sassy daughter.
The battle continues with the screams, kicks, and punches of a kid who has managed to keep every cord of his brain and senses intact all day, but who has now become unraveled.
The battle ends with a battered and bruised mom who has done the same.
Until the cord breaks. The emotions come boiling over the pan we have managed to stuff them in. We do things we don’t like. We say things we don’t mean. We become someone we don’t know. We forget about the grace we are supposed to bestow on those around us. We yell. Scream. Cry tears of frustration. Anger. Shame. Grief.
We are then the mom we said we would never be. The monster we vowed they would never see again.
We had a bad moment. And let that moment define us as a bad mom.
“My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
“Calm down, sweet child. It’s OK. Calm down.”
As the emotions begin to fall neatly back in the pot. As you rub the back of a still screaming child. As you wipe the tears from the face of another, and the tears from your own, you become still for just a moment. Hear in those gentle whispers, a Father reminding you to do the same.
Calm down, my child. It’s OK. Calm down.
You are not a bad boy. You just had a bad day.
You are not a bad girl. You just made a bad choice.
You are not a bad mom. You are having a bad moment.
So you rest on these assurances. You find your peace again. Accept His grace. And in those bad moments, you start looking for the good ones.
The girl who the moment before was making silly faces in a new costume.
The boy who a few moments before was snuggling with this same mom on the couch.
The mom who has wiped tears, helped with homework, fed, built up, shared the kitchen, shared her snack. Had some good moments.
We just also had a few bad ones.
Not a bad boy. Not a bad girl. Not a bad mom. Dad. Parent. You just had a bad day. Made a bad choice. Simply had a bad moment.
That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:10
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Binding the Missing Pieces
He heals the brokenhearted, and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3
It creeps up out of no where. Your day begins just like any other, You get up. You get dressed. Go about your normal routine.
But, then something feels off. Different. Out of place. Out of sync. Your normal routine feels off balance. And, deep down inside something inside of you begins to break. Your heart. The one that is missing a significant piece of that normal routine.
For me all it took was the morning paper. Picked up from outside on a Sunday in which I should have been at church. A Sunday after I dropped my son off for his first year at college. 9 hours away.
A simple newspaper. A routine that was off, A reminder that something was different. That a piece of my daily life was missing. A floodgate of emotions and tears that began with a hole in the pit of my heart.
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Matthew 5:4
In our lives we will have moments of brokenness. Moments when our hearts are lonely. Times when the holes in them are so huge it doesn’t seem anything can patch them up. Maybe for you it is grief. Maybe it is that friend who lives far away, or the one you don’t speak to often enough. Maybe it is those words you never said. Maybe it is your son, daughter, niece, nephew starting a new life in a different place. The memories probably flood your heart, tearing away at the hole that resides there. All triggered by a scent, a memory, a date, a word, or a Sunday paper.
And, you feel it. That part of you that is missing.
But, God…He binds those wounds of loneliness. Of grief. He fills those holes left from those unsaid words. Those many miles.
He fills our hearts with the missing pieces. With the promise that we will be reunited with the ones we love.
He fills us with peace when we begin to worry.
He fills us with His steady love when we feel lonely, and provides us with comfort when the Sunday paper becomes a source of our mourning.
He takes the black holes in our hurting hearts. The wet tears in our crying eyes. The deep fears that fill the depths of our souls, and rights our out of sync routine.
God. Despite our loneliness, He can fill our incomplete hearts.
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Me-I Am Just Like You
My very first blog post….two years later, I am grateful that God has still blessed me with the ability to share his message through writing, and 4AM fits of insomnia.
“Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body.” Ephesians 4:25
Truth. Transparency. Honesty. They are all one and the same.
What would happen if we were all a bit more transparent? I don’t mean say whatever you feel, no matter who may be watching transparency, but the kind that allows us to admit our faults, struggles, and weaknesses to each other. What would happen if we allowed each other a tiny glimpse into our lives?
This is a question that God has placed on my mind lately. As I walk further along this journey He has set out for me, His voice often reminds me that if I feel called to assist others in their struggles as a Minister of God, and a counselor, I have to be able to be completely honest about myself. Certainly people would be more willing to…
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His Kind of Rest
“My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” Exodus 33:14
For weeks now I have been yearning for some type of rest. For time to just be still and be with God. In His presence. Life has been busy, and at times it has been hard to snag a few minutes to catch up with my own thoughts, let alone focus on His.
So, it was with great excitement that today I realized during a long and trying day at work that my afternoon was wide open. No plans after work. No kids at home courtesy of a sleepover. A husband who had a prior obligation of his own. God had just granted me a gift. He had given me what I had been asking for: a little alone time. A time to enjoy His presence. His creation. The day He had made.
Initially, I seized the gift. I planned to carve out two whole hours for some solitude. Some peace. Some relaxation. Time to do absolutely nothing else but be still.
Until guilt and the reality of all the stuff I had to do began to nag at me. I need to go here, and pick up this. I should really put away that laundry. And there are dishes in the sink that really need to be washed. I have a work deadline, and I just don’t have two hours to spare. I should just go on home.
God had given me a gift. Yet, I was hesitant to receive it. Dead set on spending my time doing a bunch of other stuff but spend time with Him.
Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. Ephesians 5:16
How many times have I let my worldly obligations take the place of the rest he tried to give me?
Because I happen to equate rest with the ability to take an uninterrupted nap?
Or, because I think it requires a trip to some far off place?
Because I can’t sit still long enough to forget about the laundry?
Because I fill those hours given to me with stuff that can wait?
When God says if I want rest all I have to do is spend time with Him. When I need a peaceful place, I can surround myself with all the beautiful space around me that He has made. When he says: “Be still. Rest with me. Stop toiling, and let all that stuff wait.”
When He wants to be first on my to-do list.
But, for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord my refuge. Psalm 73:28
In truth, my blessed time at the lake wasn’t all that quiet. There was splashing from children, and fighting of siblings around me. And, later my son joined me for some rest of his own.
But, the time with God, and my oldest was precious. A gift, that if left unopened, may have never been given again.
No agenda. No plans. Just rest
In His peace. In His solitude.
About Me
I am January! Wife, mother, meemaw, pastor, and mental health provider who makes it through the day with my coffee, my journal, and my God; and I am also on some days a hot mess. A simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic.
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