Hello, I’m January
Inspiration and thoughts on God and faith, written by a simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic.
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Life goes on. So will I.
I remember back in the early 90’s a family sitcom called “Life Goes On.” The show chronicled the life of a family dealing with the challenges of raising and supporting a family member with Down’s syndrome. A sister who had to learn to accept her brother, while trying to be accepted by her peers. Navigating a relationship resulting in grief, until we find in the end they all grow up. They all navigate and move through life with all its up and downs, and that life really does go on, just like the theme song for the show promised.
But, sometimes in the midst of it all, you are forced to put life on hold for a while.
In order to be reminded that life does go on, but so will you.
Life was actually going pretty good. I had finally let go of some junk. Had a routine down that kept me balanced. I was happier. Had more joy. And I could count on only one hand the number of times I had cried at work this year. I didn’t dread the commute. The day. No longer cried on my way home. I felt like I was in a balanced place.
In fact, the moment that all would turn for me, I had been doing what I had been doing daily-laughing. I was finally, after more than a year, feeling like myself again.
Until I wasn’t.
And in a matter of hours, I began to shift back into that irritable, cry at the drop of a hat, negative thought having woman of old.
And life had to stop. Or, well it really didn’t. It went on. Without me.
I was the one forced to stop.
I couldn’t do anything. The girl so used to going, couldn’t go. I couldn’t even pray in the same way. Moved to my seated position in my closet to laying down. All to keep the world from spinning.
I felt alone. I felt like I had no idea who I was. Fear that life was going on, just as it should.
And it did. Life went on. Continued to spin on its axis, just like my head.
Life went on…and so did I?
For a moment I was lonely, until laying in my closet floor, surrounded by the prayers I had placed on the wall, I saw this:
You are with me; your rod and your staff comfort me. Psalm 23:4
God was there on that floor with me.
While I may have been a little fearful of my prognosis. Of what others would think (or even not think) of it, I was reminded over and over in my doubts:
Tell fearful souls, “Courage! Take heart! God is here, right here, on his way to put things right And redress all wrongs. He’s on his way! He’ll save you!” Isaiah 35:4
And though I couldn’t see it at first, he was giving me power once again. Reminding me that life goes on, and so will I?
Giving me words to write (well, transcribe) when writing became too hard. Giving me time for much needed rest. Giving me fresh new ideas I hadn’t thought possible before. You know, back when I thought my life was balanced. I could see that I rarely gave myself time to even think of my purpose, and all the ways my talents could be used for His glory.
Until I was forced to step away from life for a bit.
To learn that I will go on. That just like last time, I’ll get through this with His strength. I’ll feel like the “me” He desires me to be me once again.
Obladi oblada life goes on, brahhh Lala how the life goes on
And so will I.
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The growing season
For over a year now, I have grown a deep affection for plants. The reasons and circumstances for this are a story in itself, and a subject for a later time…however, I used to absolutely hate them!
I could not keep anything alive. When my son and I did manage to plant anything, it either became food for the abundance of deer living in our parts, or just never bloomed.
Now, I have them everywhere. I am even known to stop and marvel at them on a walk.
My husband picks them up during trips to the grocery store.
My son has his own garden, that I enjoy watching grow on our patio or the windowsill. And I even like to watch them burst forth through concrete.
Those happen to be my favorite. Because it takes a heck of a lot of strength to grow in concrete, y’all!
What isn’t exactly my favorite is a plant’s “growing” season. It’s sometimes long. Sometimes dark. Mostly frustrating.
This is the season in which nothing is budding on those plants. You water and water but never see a bloom. The leaves are extra droopy. Sometimes the plant isn’t even very pretty to look at. And when you start to compare it to all those other plants? Those that grow and bloom without any fuss? Well, you start to want to give up on this one. It’s a dud. Not worthy of blooming. Just meant to rot away in its pot.
We are much like these plants. We have a “growing” season, too. And they aren’t all the same, but they don’t look or feel much different than that of a plant.
Maybe your growing season right now is in full bloom. You’ve been watered. Been looked after. Encouraged. The crop you are yielding is on full display for everyone to see.
Or…maybe right now you are planted in dry, parched land. Still trying to break through the hard surface. You are in a season of drought. Everything around you feels barren. Your leaves are droopy. Barely hanging on, and there are no buds ready to bloom in sight.
Maybe you are sitting by that big, pretty plant wondering what is taking you so long? When is your season coming?
Feeling like you are covered by a thick slab of concrete.
Dear brothers and sisters, be patient as you wait for the Lord’s return. Consider the farmers who patiently wait for the rain in the fall and the spring. They eagerly look for the valuable harvest to ripen. James 5:7
God will come to complete the harvest. It may not look like it now while everything around you is dry. Maybe the endless rains he has sent; those trials that leave you drowning in sorrow, feel like they are never going to end.
Be patient. At the end of this growing season, you won’t have to look around you at everything else in bloom. Comparing.
No. When you look, you will see that “winter is past. The rains are over and gone. The flowers are springing up, the season of singing of birds has come; and the cooing of turtle doves fills the air. The fig trees (that’s you, darling) are forming young fruit, and the grapevines are blossoming” (Song of Songs 2:11-13).
Rise up darling! You, beautiful one, are breaking through the concrete. In full bloom.
You, beautiful one, will grow in this season.
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Stay in your lane
Track practice. Track uniforms. Long (and I do mean long…) track meets. That’s our new life right now. For a bit I was unscathed by “sports mom” duty. Thankful for not having to drive to and fro. Or sit through my Saturday in hot sun, or frigid cold temperatures on a Tuesday night.
Until I didn’t have that luxury anymore.
And while it has added a new dynamic to what is already our crazy family life, I am thankful for this season.
I am thankful that she chose it, because it means without mom and dad nagging her to do this or that-she invested in it because it was solely her idea.
I’m thankful for the memories it conjures up of my own long (hours long) track meets. The thrill of standing at the finish line cheering your teammates to the end, even if they didn’t win.
Even if they didn’t win.
I’m even thankful for that. Because it has taught me something. Watching my girl run with reckless abandon has taught me something.
Just stay in your lane. And what do I mean by that?
Rick Warren in his book The Purpose Driven Life likens our unique purpose to a race. He states about our journey to fulfill God’s calling in our lives: “Don’t be envious of the runner in the lane next to you; just focus on finishing your race.”
And I have noticed something as I have watched my girl run. She stays in her lane. She isn’t looking back. She isn’t focused on who is ahead of her. She just runs, until she is finished.
And her teammates cheer her on until the end. Through the finish line. Because she finished. Not because she won.
And that’s the thing with these races. With watching these boys and girls run what appears to be the longest of laps around the track. You get applause just for finishing.
Not for being first. Not for running the fastest time. Not for using the perfect form to jump a hurdle. Not for jumping the highest. You are not looking at the person next to you to determine if you are better or worse.
You put YOUR best foot forward and you simply finish!
Stay in your lane today. Be it in a fast sprint or a slow stroll. Don’t compare yourself to the person who is faster, higher, or first.
Just run your race. At your pace, and finish. I’ll be at the finish line cheering you on.
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What I know now
“Are you an albino?”
“I was wondering that, too. You know…because of the hair and big lips.”
Those questions? Those comments? They were made about me. All while trying to get through an already awkward middle school gym class.
Those comments told me these things: You don’t fit in. You look different. You don’t belong.
So I did everything over a number of years to somehow look like everyone else. I couldn’t change my lips, but I could at least try to change my hair. So I thinned it out. I tried to straighten it. So I could run my fingers through it like all the other girls could their hair.
Try as I might, I still looked different.
I wish I knew then what I know now.
“We’ve gotten some complaints about your ‘sass.’” You are passionate, but maybe tone it down a bit.”
“Pink hair? Interesting…”
“Doesn’t it say somewhere in the Bible that you shouldn’t have tattoos? And aren’t you a Pastor?”
“You’re so naïve. That’s cool and all, but you’re too naive. Face it! Some people are just jerks.”
Comparison and criticism didn’t stop in adulthood. If anything, it hurt worse.
I wasn’t in middle school anymore. We were all adults. Why were we still picking apart all things? And casting folks into categories?
I wish I knew then what I know now.
I wish I knew that those middle school taunts, though not forgotten, would one day not define me.
I wish I knew that I didn’t need the approval from those adults to fulfill a purpose God had given just to me.
I wish I knew then, because maybe it wouldn’t have taken me so long to stop straightening my hair. To show my daughter to love and style her beautiful curls. To love my face. All the delicate, and supposedly big parts of it.
I wish I knew then, that even if I didn’t fit anywhere in middle school, that I was accepted.
That if I didn’t fit the mold of what a pastor was supposed to look like, that I was made for a purpose.
That if I was naïve and saw too much good, that I was loved, and could show others this same love.
So others know they are also accepted. They also belong.
I don’t know what middle school lies you may be believing today. What mold you are being forced to fit into. Or who keeps telling you to give up on seemingly lost souls. Or even that you are one of them.
But it’s not true.
You are made for so much more. You are treasured. You are sacred. You are his. You’re beautiful.
He made us, and we are his. We are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Psalm 100:3
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Better than yesterday
Yesterday.
Yesterday was tough.
Yesterday you lost your temper. Yesterday you failed as a mom. Yelled at your kids. Snapped at your husband. A co-worker. A friend.
Yesterday you slipped. You fell back into old habits. Looking for anything to take away the pain, grief, sadness, loneliness you feel.
Yesterday you didn’t meet all the goals you set out to meet.
Yesterday you were a little less loving. A little more angry. Said things you didn’t mean, and wish you could take back.
The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. Lamentations 3:22-23
Yesterday is over. Today provides new mercies. Today is a new day.
Today you are better than yesterday.
Today God has given you a new morning to start all over.
Today you will use your strategies to avoid losing your temper. Let go of little things, and focus on the good stuff.
Today you will be a bit more patient with your kids. Whisper, gently when they mess up. Take time to just hang out with them.
Today you will think before your speak. Thank your husband for all he does. Show appreciation to others as well.
Today you will intentionally work on that goal. Make steps to stay motivated.
Today you will show love and kindness to those in your presence. Talk it out instead of getting angry.
Today is a new day.
And if for some reason, you still fall today. Tomorrow will be new, too.
About Me
I am January! Wife, mother, meemaw, pastor, and mental health provider who makes it through the day with my coffee, my journal, and my God; and I am also on some days a hot mess. A simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic.
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