Hello, I’m January
Inspiration and thoughts on God and faith, written by a simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic.
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The memory keeper
There is this mythical parenting truth when it comes to pictures. It has often been said that when your first born comes along, you snap away. Not wanting to miss a single moment. With others that follow. Not so much.
I have scrapbook upon scrapbook of my oldest. Sports scrapbooks. Scrapbooks filled with field trip memories. School memories. Summer vacation memories.
You know, scrapbooks filled with pictures that often had to be printed from a roll of film.
I have maybe three of my middle. A total of one for my youngest. Barely completing that one’s baby scrapbook.
I didn’t stop capturing memories behind a lens. But as the kids grew, the lens changed. The media changed, and the method of storage did as well. Pictures that once filled creative albums now take up space on a digital album. Often on some phone app I rarely look at.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:16
I may take those scrapbooks off the shelf once in a blue moon (meaning not often at all). I may see an old digital memory on my Facebook highlights one morning that brings back some nostalgia.
But those pictures are not the memories. The days in our book are.
And while I will still take pictures, and I do believe that they will tell a story long after we are gone…I don’t believe they are the memory keepers.
The memory keepers are those moments that are never captured on your iPhone camera roll, but that you still talk about over breakfast.
They are the things for which we have no negative, but we can still remember in vivid detail.
Like watching babies sleep. Being hugged super tight. Rocking chairs on front porches. The book long after it is read. Recounting funny moments with friends over and over. The moment of your child’s birth. The moment you saw those lines. The moment they said, “Mommy.” “Daddy.” “Granpop.” “Grandma.”
These are the moments Kodak, Facebook, Instagram, or the iPhone can’t come close to retelling. These are the moments that don’t make the scrapbooks, but that live on even still. That are written down on the tablets of our hearts and minds to be shared for years to come.
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More than just a name
Have you ever researched the meaning of your “born” name? The name you are called on a daily basis? Maybe it’s the name on your birth certificate or a nickname you have had since goodness knows when.
Just me? Ok. Maybe it’s because my name isn’t ordinary. Or because I get asked a number of questions about my name constantly.
Or maybe I’m the only one who has thought…hmmmm…does this name fit me? Is it an indication of my personality?
January. It only ever ranked in the top 1000 baby names of the year since that rankings inception in 1978 at…wait for it. 639. Out of 1000. No surprise. I was born in 1978. This was right around the time a movie, with a character of the same name was made. Guess the novelty wore off, because it never ranked on that list again.
However, it did rank among the top names to make fun of during my school-age years. Along with my maiden name, now made famous by a country singer, known more for her legs than her easy to poke fun at last name.
Then Andrew brought Simon to meet Jesus. Looking intently at Simon, Jesus said, “Your name is Simon, son of John-but you will be called Cephus (which means Peter).” John 1:42
While my parents may have given me this unique, easy to make fun of name, like Simon, who received his own new name; I was given a number of new names when I accepted Christ.
Though my father may have picked my middle name, and had much to do with that now made famous last name, my heavenly Father gave me a new name when I entered His family.
I may be January to all who greet me. But I am more than just an earthly name to God.
I am chosen. I am royalty. I am beloved. Set apart. Victorious. Forgiven.
I am who He says I am.
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Stand up and walk
Stuck. Sometimes we just get stuck. I don’t mean like in the mud, or in an elevator-although we can certainly feel at times that we are stuck and not going anywhere. Like everything else is passing us by. Like everyone else is being blessed, healed, whatever. And we are not moving at all.
A man was lying there who had been sick for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw the man and knew he had been sick for such a long time, Jesus asked him, “Do you want to be well?” The sick man answered, “Sir, there is no one to help me get into the pool when the water stops moving. While I am coming to the water, someone else gets in before me.” John 5:5-7
We can sound a little like this sick man at times. Someone always gets the promotion over me. Everyone else is being blessed and I am still waiting for my prayers to be answered. Why hasn’t God called me? Why is no one helping me?
Sound familiar?
You are stuck in comparison. Stuck in complaints. Stuck in doubt. And sometimes downright fear of simply trusting Him. Waiting for someone. Anyone. Heck, the very first one-you don’t even care who it is or what they have to offer-to come and save you.
Then Jesus said,”Stand up. Pick up your mat and walk.” John 5:8
He already saved you. He is just simply waiting for you to walk like it.
Walk in acceptance. Leaving comparison behind, because He has accepted you as you are. In all you uniquely have to offer.
Walk in forgiveness. Leaving behind guilt and shame for the mistakes you have made, because He already took all that away.
Walk in strength. Knowing that days will be hard. The road will be bumpy, but He provides the endurance to keep climbing over the bumps, through the pools, to your purpose.
Walk in purpose. Not looking around at the victories and blessings of others, and having a pity party. But continuing to show up, keep going and keep pursuing all that He has for you. In His timing. His way.
Walk in love. Knowing that He loves you. Even if today it feels like no one does. He does. All the parts you deem unworthy. He believes they are enough.
Stop waiting. Stop looking around. Stop wondering if you are good enough.
Stand up and walk.
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As much as it takes…
“They just don’t listen. Seriously. I am trying, but they just don’t want to hear it.”
I don’t know how many times over the years I have said this. Been discouraged that messages of love and kindness are rejected. Disillusioned by watching those I’ve tried to guide make unwise choice after unwise choice. Been treated poorly in the process.
Even as I sit here writing this, we are just home from church, and I’ve endured a litany of ungratefulness, disrespect, and sass from two that just left the place in which they are supposed to be learning to be His “light.”
I sit here reflecting on the many times I’ve been yelled at for simply discussing alternate choices, and the consequences of not making them.
The times kindness has been rejected.
The times wisdom has been scoffed at.
The times when love has not felt like enough.
I wonder in those times what I am doing wrong? Why they don’t hear the message? Why I continue to suffer for doing good?
“The Son of Man must suffer terribly and be rejected by this generation.” Luke 17:25
That generation rejected wisdom, guidance, and love.
And so does this one.
Because not much has changed over the years. No one wants a Savior, because our false belief has us convinced we can save ourselves.
Just like the Pharisees that wanted Jesus killed, because they rejected His teaching, we all want to believe our way is best. That we have it all figured out.
We don’t desire truth, because we look to media and other worldly things to define it.
Yet as Jesus lay dying, rejected, suffering on a cross-He was still able to utter these words: “Father forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34)
And if He could-the One who suffered, who was despised much more than I…
So can I.
So I can pray that I can keep loving.
Even when it’s hard. Even when I am exhausted. When it’s rejected. Taken advantage of, or simply not good enough. Even through suffering.
I can pray that as I ask God, How much do I allow? How many times do I have to forgive? How long do I suffer?
He will tell me this: As much as it takes. As many times as it takes. As long as it takes. Until they see love and kindness in you, and finally know Me.
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What you wished you’d said….
Ugh! Go away! Get out of here! You are so annoying.
A day in the life of sibling rivalry. And it seems to happen a lot here while both deal with the changes that come with growing up.
“You go back in there. She is going to fix how she just spoke to you.” It’s what I ask each to do when they repeat things that are often hurtful.
But children are not the only ones who can hurt. Adults often do, too.
And what is it about us that has this tendency to get into a battle of words? Misspoken words.
Anger. Frustration. We feel ignored. Not taken seriously. Our emotions take over and eventually the spirit we asked to come guide us through our words. To help us choose them wisely, often don’t come out the way He intended.
They come out because we feel a need to fight back. And they come out all wrong.
They sometimes hurt.
So, like I tell my kids. How do we go back and fix it?
Sometimes, it takes simply being honest. Being sincere and saying the words you wished you had said instead. The ones He directed you to say.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29
Maybe what was said wasn’t of benefit in the moment. Maybe what was meant to come out was something so different.
Something like this:
I pray for you everyday. All day long, actually. I pray that you will be kind and loving. I pray that I can model these characteristics for you. I pray that you will be you and not everyone else. I pray that you have everything you need. I’m sorry. I love you.
About Me
I am January! Wife, mother, meemaw, pastor, and mental health provider who makes it through the day with my coffee, my journal, and my God; and I am also on some days a hot mess. A simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic.
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