Hello, I’m January
Inspiration and thoughts on God and faith, written by a simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic.
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They Don’t Know You; God Does
I woke up distracted this morning.
I make a vow during my time with God to not use my phone, but I found this morning I spent a large amount of time on it. Good things had happened in the last couple days. A new energy was all around. A new “stepping into.” Prayers that had been prayed it had been revealed, had also been prayed in the “meanwhile” elsewhere.
So…my distraction was most certainly a rouse from Satan. An attack. A countermeasure for me to not move into what was coming. What lies ahead. What good was before me.
In the distraction came doubt.
If you think after you accept Christ, that Satan leaves you alone-think again. If you think because you are a pastor, you are immune to an attack from the evil one-think again. In actuality, you are more susceptible. You are the one he really wants. You are the one he loves to get to. Because if he can get to you, well then he can get to more of God’s people.
He uses distraction to get to me often. And it occurs frequently on my phone. With social media. Not all social media. One in particular. That ole place where you find the people you are supposed to know. And you connect to them. In the hopes to what? I’ve only just begun to really figure it out.
I don’t know at what point I started feeling lonely. Unsupported. Inadequate. Shamed. It may have been a post about alcohol. And the things I knew had been said about alcohol in the past. It may have been the people I “knew” here who I didn’t really know anymore. Who I didn’t really feel much support from. Who didn’t really hype me up in the way strangers often did.
Who knew my past, and the past of others I know, and for whatever reason remained stuck there. In the past.
But, the people we knew in our past don’t often celebrate the fact that you have cast-off your old life and chosen a new one. Why?
They want to remember the person they knew. The person that was chained to poor patterns and toxic behaviors. The person who allowed them to be, too. They are so tied to the old you, and their own patterns, they can’t accept that a new person can be made from that old mess. They remember your Saul.
Those other people? The people who didn’t know that old you. They see something of inspiration, and they want more. They support you. As you are now. You don’t remind them of a past they can’t seem to get themselves out of. To them, you are Paul.
I was asked this question recently: “Why do you want to become an ordained elder in the Church of the Nazarene?”
I realize I can go online and be ordained for 50 bucks. I can do that all while continuing to live in the sin and shame I had been living in before. But God didn’t want that for me.
If someone had told me in my teens I would one day be a pastor, I would have laughed at them. I didn’t go to church. I can count on one hand the times I did. I didn’t particularly like God. I made many a wrong turn, and yes-just like most in my hometown some of those wrong turns led to shameful decisions.
But God.
He made me new. Those decisions don’t shape me anymore. I am still January at the core. I am just not led by my desires. My impulses. But by my Father. His desires. His will. My only gain is to inspire someone to see that if God can do that for me, He can do that for anyone. Anyone who doesn’t want to be defined by their past. Anyone who doesn’t care who knows what about them, but wants to be known by a God who knows everything about them and approves and loves them anyway.
Don’t get distracted by those who knew you, and only talk about your past. Get distracted by the God who knows all about you, and wants you to know Him, too.
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In the Meanwhile
The Lord replied,
“Look around at the nations;
look and be amazed!
For I am doing something in your own day,
something you wouldn’t believe
even if someone told you about it.” Habakkuk 1:5, NLTFor those of you who have been around a while, you know how much I love post-it notes. They have housed prayers in Bibles. They live on my mirrors at home. My computer. My walls. They have even adorned my steering wheel as a reminder to place Satan underground on a daily basis where he belongs. So it should be no secret that a post-it is responsible for this post.
I am not even sure why I wrote it. I am pretty certain it’s from some book I read. It’s placed above my computer screen, the place where I fashioned a work space during the days of quarantine and telehealth. The days I didn’t much enjoy. A reminder that God was working on something in those moments, while I was grumbling in this same space where I am currently typing. This same space where I know He continues to work. The words written on that note? “God is working the meanwhile.”
Meanwhile back on the ranch…
I know we have seen that phrase. If we have ever read a book, seen a movie, or lived…we have seen or heard it. But what does it mean?
The word “meanwhile” by definition means “occurring at the same time.” So while I may be sitting here typing on this computer, meanwhile someone else back at the ranch may be doing something far more inspiring, or simply taking a nap. Whatever the case may be-God is working. Which means that our lives are also connected through Him. We just don’t know how. We have no idea who the people are God wants us to help, or just how those “meanwhiles” will come together for His purpose. All this happens at the same time without us ever knowing, until He is ready to reveal it to us.
While you are at home praying for that one thing you keep asking God. God is working at the same time. Meanwhile, someone else is praying, too.
Don’t give up. Don’t quit hoping. Keep on praying.
God is working in the meanwhile.
I do not own the rights to video, lyrics, or music.
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It’s OK, God Knows
We were on our way to church. I was in the passenger seat. A rarity on this morning since both my husband and I are moving in different directions and towards church at different times on most Sundays. Behind one of those loud cars. A souped-up version of a car of old I once had.
And it began a conversation about that car. About the ways I used to make mine “race-car” like. Modify it so it was loud. And then the conversation turned to what happened to that car. A memory long forgotten. One of injustice.
It’s interesting the things people forget about the role they played in your story.
This is what I said at the end of that conversation. But I also thought of this: Before that ride to church, I may have forgotten all the details. Those people who played a part in that story may have forgotten, or simply may leave certain parts out, but God knows.
God only knows what you’ve been through
God only knows what they say about you
God only knows how it’s killing you
But there’s a kind of love that God only knows. (Source: for King and Country)It’s not just those material things we remember being mishandled, it’s the mishandling of our hearts as well. You have likely been hurt. You have likely suffered things you don’t talk about. Maybe you feel a loss you just still don’t understand. You were never given closure. Able to defend yourself. Tell all you know to be true.
But He knows.
He protects you. He defends you. He sees you. He hears you. He loves you.
God knows.
I do not own rights to video or music.
About Me
I am January! Wife, mother, meemaw, pastor, and mental health provider who makes it through the day with my coffee, my journal, and my God; and I am also on some days a hot mess. A simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic.
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