Hello, I’m January
Inspiration and thoughts on God and faith, written by a simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic.
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The One True Valentine
The Love Chapter. 1 Corinthians 13. If I began by simply stating, “Love is patient. Love is kind,” you would possibly know most of the rest. Because it is used at various weddings. The words are plastered throughout the year for a number of reasons. At times, it is even used as a Valentine’s message of all the love we should be seeking and desiring.
And it is. The one and only Valentine’s message. If we are remembering the one and only who is the source of this love. The one and only source that can’t be found in any vase of flowers, any box of candy, any sappy Hallmark card, or any case of “butterflies.”
The true Valentine? The example and source of true love? Jesus.
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, NLT
What Paul describes here is the love shown to us. The love Jesus asked us to show to others.
Love is patient and kind. It waits when it needs to, and moves to serve when led. There were times when Jesus did not act right away. He didn’t run to put out every fire, because he was teaching about faith and trust. However, he always had time to stop for someone in need-even when surrounded by large crowds.
Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It doesn’t envy others, toot its own horn, or seek to be mean and destructive. Jesus had a number of reasons to boast. He performed miracles. He had the wisdom and knowledge of his Father, yet he remained humble, giving his Father glory. Even when his character was attacked over and over by the Pharisees, he never spoke words of dishonor, contempt, or disrespect.
Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It doesn’t get annoyed by imperfections, and it is forgiving. In our human nature, when someone denies us, when they reject us or choose to walk away; we hold onto that hurt and anger. May even cut them off. Never seek to reconcile. When Peter denied Jesus, he sought reconciliation, forgiveness, and he never spoke of it again.
Love does not rejoice about injustice, but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love does not take pleasure in lies, deceit, or wrongdoing. Its desire is to seek truth above all else. Jesus stood against the things that were against the word of God, because love desires a life filled with integrity. He desired this for us.
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Our society has taught us that love comes and goes. You can choose it one day, and discard it the next. Your feelings can change in a moment, and can be cut off with the push of the “send” button. But the thing is-love isn’t a fleeting, momentary feeling. It’s a daily sacrifice. It is sometimes putting aside your feelings to pray for the salvation of another. It’s loving from a distance, while still praying for good, remaining hopeful that others will know His love, even if the circumstances become burdensome.
It’s Jesus. On a cross. Bearing the burden for us all.
The love that never fails. Never gives up. Never loses faith. Always hopes. Endures with us always.
The One true Valentine.
Jesus.
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Speaking the Truth
Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. Ephesians 4:15
I want you to think back to the last difficult conversation you had to have with someone. This would have been a conversation in which you had to present constructive criticism, discuss your feelings to a slight, or correct poor behavior. What were the things you wrestled with prior to that conversation?
Ephesians 4:14 gives us a glimpse into the things we may feel and say about these types of “talks.” We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like truth. We tell ourselves others will become angry, that what they did is no big deal, and we may even allow these thoughts to keep us from having that crucial conversation. Because of fear. Because of doubt. Because the devil does not want that other person to hear the truth. No one moves forward in making amends, better choices, or down the path God intended.
We are often scared of the truth. Scared it will offend. Hurt. Make others not like us. Accept us.
But we have an obligation to speak it. In love, of course.
In my role as a mental health provider I am often tasked with having to discuss difficult behaviors with families and clients. Though there are some times God will come up in these conversations, for the most part, my faith cannot be a part of this conversation due to the place in which I am fulfilling this role. Speaking the truth in love does not stop here, though.
Enter the “sandwich method.” This method is not something I created. It is something I picked up listening to others who had to give news about correction over the years; especially to those used to hearing tough news often spoken harshly. It involves beginning the conversation with what is going well. The middle of the conversation consists of the “meat,” the purpose of meeting-the behavior needing adjustment. You then end the conversation with additional thoughts on what is going well, what you are looking forward to, and positive qualities that make behavior change possible.
The “filler” conversation is always difficult. However, it is easier to have if it begins with pleasant words, filled with care, compassion, and love. The person receiving the news sees you as someone who doesn’t simply want to tell them all the wrong they are doing, Who doesn’t see them as a “problem” to be solved, but someone with good qualities, capable of making change; and you are now on their team.
Because you pushed back your fear and insecurities, and spoke truth into their life with love.
Difficult conversations will not cease to be difficult by choosing to avoid them, or by avoiding the hard stuff that needs to be said; but they can be easier when seasoned with grace and the compassion of Christ. And always, always-spoken with love.
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Love God, Love People…But Yourself?
Jesus replied, “The most important commandment is this: ‘Listen, O Israel! The Lord our God is the one and only Lord. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength. The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.” Mark 12:29-31, NLT
You can’t love anyone else unless you love yourself. There are a number of variations of this quote. Often used to promote self-love and acceptance, and honor one’s self-worth. The idea of self-love, however, also has gotten a lot of criticism among evangelicals. Why? Self-love is selfish. Another often used quote. Arguing the idea that the concept of self-love is unholy, ungodly, and borne of selfish desire and conceit.
I disagree.
Let me offer another perspective.
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed. Psalm 139:14-16, NLTWhat is described above is a labor of love. A love so immense it cannot be put into words. It is something not found in the world. That cannot be recreated. God desires that we know this about ourselves. He desires that we know the care He took in making all our unique parts. All our talents. That we celebrate all the ways we are complex, and not like any other-before the world tells us we are broken, different, not enough, and too much of something. He desires that we know we are loved, before the world tells us we are unloveable. We cannot know this without knowing just how much we are loved by God. We must know the kind of love He has for us, and love all the ways in which He has made us. In turn, love ourselves.
Because we can’t pour out love to anyone, explain this immense love to others, that we don’t even have or understand for our own selves.
The self-love that others criticize so fervently is really what is referred to as “self-made.” This term indicates that one is “made by one’s own actions.” That everything someone has, whether it is their character, their success, their talents-they did that all on their own. They are the lord of their life, not God. And this is the self-love the “world” screams of-not the self-love that God desires.
He does desire that we love ourselves first, in the way He loves us. In the ways He made us. Remembering that He provided us with the talents, the strength, the gifts. That none of our success is possible without Him.
When we understand this-then we can go out, and REALLY love on others. In the way Jesus did.
Love God. Love yourself (because it’s biblical), and love others like God loves you!
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In the Isolation, He is There
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow-not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky, above or in the earth below-indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39
I miss actual faces. I miss too loud, too rambunctious lunch groups that half the time never settle down. I miss telling preteens to get their “junk” together. I miss getting up, getting in my vehicle, and going to work. I miss being able to work. I miss the joy of a Saturday morning stroll through Target, Starbucks in hand. I miss conversations that occur over tables with food, and not Facetime with headphones. I love my home and the people in it, but I miss the outside world around me. -May 2020
Isolation. Separation. Cut off from people, places, and routines that were familiar. To enter into a world of unknowns. The sentiments expressed in what I journaled on some morning in 2020, I can only imagine could have been the thoughts of almost anyone during our time of quarantine and lockdown. Almost 2 years later, we probably still feel like this. It’s a grief that is complicated and not easy to understand, because we and the people we love are alive, but something has died. We mourn our previous way of life, yet, no one really knows how to help us through the mourning. We are all doing it together, in whatever ways we can manage.
Separation. Isolation. Grief.
We may feel abandoned. By people. By society. By disease. By our jobs.
Cut off. Lonely. Misunderstood. Uncertain.
Here’s some truth: A pandemic forced us to separate from our normal day to day routines. From people. From places. We may have lost some of these places. Some of the people in them due to circumstances, or the impact of the pandemics toll.
But even these-the changes, and this separation-it cannot separate us from God.
Jobs may have been lost. But He was there. Friends may have left. Ghosted. Passed. But He remained. Routines. People. Places all may have changed. God stayed the same.
And His love does, too.
In our isolation. In our despair. In our loneliness, even when we separate ourselves from Him-His love for us does not fail. He doesn’t leave. His love remains.
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More Than Words
If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing. I Corinthians 13:1-2, MSG
Love is more than words.
These are the words on the sign that sits above our TV. A sign. A big joke with our kids-mom’s love of signs with phrases and sayings, slathered all around the house. When we shop, the common refrain is, “You don’t need another sign!”
But this one, it had a purpose. A meaning. It was bought to represent a journey in this home. A reminder to all of us. That words at times were meaningless. Especially if they were hard to express.
Love is more than words.
Our son, Hunter, was diagnosed with autism before the age of 3. For many years, words were very hard for him, especially words that expressed any kind of feeling. Emotions did not come out in eloquent speech, but rather kicks, screams, and grunts. While there are many conversations these days in which I wonder if he will stop talking, those are courtesy of many hours of speech therapy, and years of early intervention services.
One thing was always certain.
He can’t at times say he is simply hungry. He has a hard time expressing worry. Anger. Sadness. But he knows the language of love. Without words. And we in turn have learned it, too.
It is expressed in the endurance it takes to sit through one of his tantrums. The patience. The understanding. Knowing it is nothing personal. It is just the internal battle in this kid’s system.
It is in the way he gives. He is a giver. He has spent his last dollar at the school book fair, so his sister can have something, too. Bringing home a poster for her room. Her favorite at the time. Unicorns.
It is in the hugs. Though he can’t always speak love, he can feel love. He is a cuddler, and has been since the beginning. A child who has always craved touch. A bear hug. A deep back rub. A squeeze to calm him down and let him know he is OK.
It is in the patience it takes at times to practice the things that come easier to others. Jumping rope for instance. For several nights in a living room, because balance issues are a thing, too. Anxiety runs in tandem, and jumping rope wasn’t second nature. Using words to teach this lesson wouldn’t do the trick.
Love is more than these.
Words are often superfluous. Used as fillers. Used to tout knowledge. Used at times to get one’s way. Feed desires. Sometimes deceive. They can mean a variety of things. Be taken out of context. And I am saying this as a writer!
For someone who takes them literally, like Hunter, words can be difficult. The action of love-not so much.
Do your words line up with your actions? If you had to experience a life without the use of language, or a different understanding of the use of it, how would your expression of love measure up? Would you be a rusty gate?
Love. It’s more than just words. It’s the small things we do each and every day.
How are you doing when you don’t use words?
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About Me
I am January! Wife, mother, meemaw, pastor, and mental health provider who makes it through the day with my coffee, my journal, and my God; and I am also on some days a hot mess. A simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic.
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Grace N Grounds 