Encouragement grounded in Scripture
Rooted in truth. Anchored in Christ.
New reflections weekly.
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You Can’t Get Over the Mountain If You Are Having a Pity Party at the Bottom!
I am going to be honest. Tuesday was not a very good day. Whatever peace I had in the midst of my struggles, was slowly attacked by the devil, and was a thing of the past as I got home and snapped at anything and everything in sight. Technology issues had wreaked havoc on my school life for days. The snowstorm that has now crippled us changed many a plan during the week, and even became confusing if you relied on the 20 different weather predictions posted throughout cyberspace. An argument with my teenager had me questioning all things related to parenting. Many pieces of paper were dropped and never picked up. Coats were taken off, only to land on the floor until Mommy finally picked them up. And then there was the ever growing stack of mail and papers that never seem to leave the kitchen table staring at me as I cooked dinner. Let’s not forget the toilet paper roll that was once again sitting…empty. The one that had me resorting to leaving post-it notes to get my point across. I had not an ounce of love left to show anyone, and it became painfully obvious as I snapped at my kids, at my dog, at my computer, and at my husband.
I justified my response. I felt under-appreciated. I deserved to be angry, short, and irritated. I’ve had a rough couple of weeks. I have fought battle after battle with mine and my kid’s health. I have run the roads to appointment after appointment, and to avert disaster after disaster. I was tired. I was worn thin. I deserved to be annoyed.
I deserved a big ole fat pity party!
Which also meant, I deserved Oreos, a bowl full of Doritos, A Hershey bar (with almonds of course), and a soda. No, not diet.
Certainly once I wallowed in my self-pity, stewed in my anger just a little more, and poured my soul into chocolate, I’d feel much better, right?
Well…..no. Because the next morning wasn’t much better. I hit the snooze button one too many times. I spent another morning rifling through closets for something to wear. I got toothpaste on my shirt, and I endured a 6:30 AM meltdown over Animal Planet versus Sprout, all before hitting the road earlier than usual so I could beat an impending snow storm.
I wanted to have another pity party. I wanted to scream at God to just give me a break. I wanted to drown my sorrows in Starbucks and chocolate muffins.
I wanted these “things” to make me feel better. To restore all the peace I just had a few days ago.
You have circled this mountain long enough, now turn north. Deuteronomy 2:3
Since I started this Made to Crave journey, I have pondered this verse and how I could make it speak truth into my life, and my struggles with turning to worldly desires to comfort.
I have tried this healthy eating journey so many times before, making promises to myself to finally cut out all the gluten that wreaks havoc on my tummy. I would finally stop snacking on Spicy Nacho Doritos and snack on carrots instead (not an easy trade-off!). I would stop turning to coffee, chocolate, shopping, or girls’ weekends away to comfort me and give me peace. It works for a while. I start taking a different direction. I move around that mountain, and it works.
Until a new mountain is placed in my path, and I start throwing pity parties again. Parties in my snack cabinets. Parties at Goodwill. Parties at Starbucks. And dreams of parties on a deserted island (and I am not completely convinced that this won’t help…).
Not once in all this “partying” have I thought about partying with God. Not once have I let go of the need to do things in my own strength. Not once have I put down the Hershey bar, and asked God for strength, for power, for peace to get around that mountain one more time.
Pity parties are no fun. They don’t feed the soul with the promises of good times to come. They only serve one purpose-to put focus on oneself.
Seeking the comfort of the things this world offers may feel good in the moment. They may satisfy a craving for a time, but that feeling won’t last. At some point, you end up right back at that same mountain of pity, defeat, and longing.
The Lord will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry, and restoring your strength. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Isaiah 58:11
I don’t know about you, but I want to be a well-watered garden, instead of the dried up, pitiful monster that sometimes walks around in my home. I want to be satisfied by a mighty God, instead of my craving for chocolate and almonds. I want to move forward over the many mountains in my path, instead of constantly circling around the same mountain.
I want to take my burdens to God instead of to Starbucks.
I want to seek Him in troubles instead of a great deal on the clearance rack.
“I am leaving you a gift-peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” John 14:27
Peace of mind and heart that only He can give? Now that is a reason to party!
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Silence! It’s Test Time
Well, I did it again. For the second time in less than two weeks, I managed to once again lock a kid inside our vehicle. While the first time my 6 year old was able to come to the rescue, in this instance, Hunter, our five year old was not skilled enough to unbuckle himself from his car seat and unlock the door. So, he was alone, in a locked van, screaming bloody murder. And, my most glorious Mommy moment was certainly not in the Walmart parking lot, on a cold Saturday night, talking to the back window of a van, or waiting for the fire truck that would show up to save the day!
And the last time I panicked. I had a mommy meltdown. Although, I did have a few tears, this time I felt peace.
I had called out to God. He hadn’t given me an answer. He remained silent while my little boy screamed, but I knew he was there with us in that cold parking lot, even if we didn’t know exactly what to do, or who to call.
I knew God would not leave us.
There is a quote often seen on social media and in many posts sprinkled throughout the internet. The quote states: “When you are going through something hard, and wonder where God is, remember the teacher is always silent during the test.”
He has been silent lately. He was silent in that Walmart parking lot, and he has remained silent so many times over the past couple weeks. So many times I have called on Him for help, but haven’t heard an answer.
As life with a teenager has gotten more difficult. As we muddle through and try to understand some of the things we never thought we would have to face as parents, we have looked to God for help. Lord, give us the answers to help him. Help us guide him, Lord. Give us the words to say, because I don’t think I can come up with them on my own.
Still, he has been silent.
And yet, in this silence I feel peace.
“She knows Me so intimately and trusts Me so completely, that she no longer depends on my voice, loving glances, or other outward signs to know My approval. She is not dismayed or discouraged by any circumstances I arrange for her to encounter. She trusts Me when common sense, reason, and every subtle instinct of the natural heart would rebel, knowing that I am preparing her for eternity, and realizing that the understanding of what I do will come later.” -Streams in the Desert, February 9
I want to keep striving to be like the woman described above. The one who in the midst of circumstance after circumstance, battle after battle, and worldly distractions galore, knows that God is watching over her, even in His silence. Finding peace in all of life’s circumstances.
Having faith and peace does not mean we are immune to the trials of life. Instead it means that through the storms, when He is silent, when you don’t know what to say to a hurting child, when you are trying with all your might to get inside a locked car in a Walmart parking lot, when you are searching for the answers and hearing no responses…we have faith in the promise found in Hebrews 13:5: I will not leave you or forsake you.
And when he is silent, you can rest in the peace that guards our hearts and keeps us from drowning when the rains start falling.
When he is silent, we can be assured that these are the trials God has brought us to, and he will see us through to the end.
When we are afraid and feel like He has left, we can remember, “the teacher is always silent during the test.”
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Slowly Making Peace With the Face In the Mirror
I absolutely hate taking pictures. Actually, let’s rephrase that. I absolutely hate having pictures taken of me. I, like many women, have the occasional gripe about my appearance in the morning, and I don’t always think the woman staring back at me in the mirror is unattractive. So, it must be something about the flat, slightly washed out, one-dimensional self-portraits that bring out the negative self-talk. “My face looks fat! Those dark circles are horrible. Oh, wow! Is my forehead really that high? Great. I didn’t capture my good side. I really wish I could fix that crooked tooth!” Self-hatred brings on a whole new meaning when the flash has gone off, and that awful picture has been tagged on Facebook.
And don’t expect to ever see a selfie of this girl! The self-hatred and negative comments about my freckles, forehead, nose, you name it; definitely outnumber any enhancements or filters Beauty Box or Instagram have to offer.
The issue of self-love and peace with our flaws, is not a new one. A newfound friend and fellow blogger, even posed the same question on her site this week.
So, when does self-love begin? When do we, do I, start making peace with the perceived flaws I think I possess?
We love because he loves us first. 1 John 4:19
Because he first loved us. That’s right. God loves us. Even in the midst of all my self-potrait hatred, there is one who thinks I am beautiful-God. The one who made me. The one who knows every bone in my body, and sculpted me from nothing to something. The one who thinks my crooked teeth, upturned nose, and freckled cheeks are awesome.
Then why can’t I make peace with the face in the mirror, and love these things about myself? To find peace, maybe it’s time to stop allowing the devil to control my mind with these self-loathing thoughts, and look in the mirror knowing this truth:
God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female. Genesis 1:27
God created me in HIS image. So, how could I possibly look at the face in the mirror and feel anything but love for what I see? Knowing that God thought I was, we were, special enough to be fashioned into His likeness should help us make peace with who we see in the mirror, in family photos, or in Facebook selfies.
Every bump, every scar, every freckle is completely perfect to God. We are handcrafted by our maker, something the world, Photoshop, and Instagram effects and filters will never accomplish! God wants us to claim the truth that we are beautiful, and to recognize that all of our perceived flaws are all part of His perfect love. Down to double chins, upturned noses, thick eyebrows, and crooked teeth. The molding of all our “imperfect” parts was not an accident!
So, take out the camera. Turn on the flash, and SMILE!
Make peace with the face in the mirror, and remember: God loves you. Freckles and all!
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Broken Down at Wits End
The Lord rescues the godly, he is their fortress in times of trouble. Psalm 37:39
It has been yet another snow day. Another day when the kids have been out of school. Our old dog has managed to not make it outside twice to use the bathroom. Two cups of milk have been spilled on the floor. I have broken up more than a dozen fights. Walked over the same mess I know that I have cleaned up 3 times already. My daughter has refused to do her homework, and my youngest son is now looking for what I know is his tenth snack. I have wiped butts, snot, and faces. And I have not sat down once. The kitchen is in shambles. There are Pringles on the floor. I’ve got a mountain of homework, and did I mention I only sat down once?
I’ve got nothing left. I am at my end. My wits end.
Add to this the need to make a personal health decision soon, a disturbing phone call about my teen who is struggling in his mind and heart, and the decision to put the old dog I mentioned above to sleep.
Yes, I’ve got nothing left. I’m numb. I’m empty. I’m weary and worn.
God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. Psalm 46:1
Goodness knows I need Him now. I need His refuge, but in all the craziness and chaos of the past few days, I haven’t looked for Him once!
I have a reminder of His strength tattooed permanently on my arm, but I haven’t asked for His strength yet!
I’m at my end. Broken down at my wits end. And I need Him now.
I have been challenged and reminded several times in several different ways this week about the need to find my personal quiet time with God. I admit it. I have struggled to find that time in my hectic days, between the to-dos and have-to-be-dones. But, honestly-I can’t find 10 more minutes each day to stop and talk to God? My number one priority? My Savior? I can’t find 10 minutes to be with Him, but I have 10 minutes to check Facebook, watch a TV show, browse Pinterest, or read a magazine? If I can do all these things that mean so little, and sometimes are not at all beneficial to what has already been a stressful day, then I certainly have time for God.
One day this week, I simply stopped and decided to worship God for ten minutes. In doing so, I heard a new song by Mandisa, and was brought to tears. In that song I heard the words for everything I had been going through and feeling all week.
I was at my end. Broken down at my wits end.
And it is at this end, the one to which he brings us, when we begin to understand that all this chaos, all this pain, all this strife is all to show us that we can’t get by on our own. We cannot make it through our day, our circumstances without seeking Him. Without spending time with Him. Every second. Every minute. Every hour. Every day. I can’t get through these “ends” without Him. And neither can you!
So, this song is for anyone at their wits end too. For the parents at home with their children who are snowbound and restless. For the Pringles on your floor. For all the butts, noses, and faces you have had to wipe. For all the health decisions you have had to make for yourself, or for an old dog. For the phone calls you received that you thought you would never EVER get. For all those looking for that one moment when you can sit and spend time with Him.
For all those broken down at their wits end.
Seek Him. Reach out to Him. For that is where He begins.
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Satan, Back Off! I’m a Child of God!
“Stay alert! Watch out for the great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:8
That devil…oh, he is a sly one. Just as God knows our strengths and weaknesses, the devil does as well. He seeks us when we are at our most vulnerable, telling us we are unworthy, not beautiful, not good enough, not smart enough. On and on. Convincing us to believe his lies. He also seeks us and finds us at those times when we are strong, and he tries as he might to give us any reason to deny God’s goodness and work in our lives. The devil tells us all sorts of lies.
Those lies are one of the reasons I keep filling my closet with clothes. To cover up all the negative things that Satan wants to keep telling me. To cover up all the things I don’t want others to see.
“We were made for more than this. More than this failure. More than this cycle. We were made for victory.” Lysa TerKeurst, Made to Crave
Victory is possible by believing the truth God reveals about ourselves. His truth will devour the devil and his endless prowling every time.
Satan wants us to remember the sins and failures of our past. He wants us to keep living with regret, shame, and defeat. However, God says in Isaiah 43:19: I am about to do something new. Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.
So….
When Satan says, “You are all alone. No one understands you,” God says, I will never leave you nor forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6)
When Satan says, “You are too fat, too thin, too short, too tall, too this, too that,” God says, You are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)
When Satan says, “You are not worthy! No one would ever love you!” God says, I have loved you with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3)
Satan tells us we have nothing of worth to say, that no one is listening to us, or can hear us. God says, I have heard you from my sanctuary; your cry has reached my ears. (Psalm 18:6)
Satan lies to us, tells us “You are weak. You are not strong enough to handle this.” God says, You can do all things through my strength. (Philippians 4:13)
Satan nags us. He says, “Your a bad mom, dad, grandparent, friend; but God says, It’s alright if you got angry, if you gave your child candy before dinner, because “the godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again” (Proverbs 24:16)
Satan whispers, “No one will help you, not even God! But God says, Look up at the mountains, and see that your help comes from me, the maker of heaven and earth. (Psalm 121:1-2)
And then the devil tries one last time. Once again he says, “Face it! It’s too hard! Just give up now! God gently reminds us, Continue to fight the good fight, you will finish the race if you have faith (2 Timothy 4:7)
The devil has never whispered anything of worth to me, or anyone else! I have a weapon against his constant badgering. A weapon to defeat him and his nonsense. It’s the Bible. The Word of God. The message that tells me I am worthy. I am strong. I am a good parent. And I am never alone! The one who tells me I am a chosen child of His. A chosen child of God.
About Me
I am January! Wife, mother, meemaw, pastor, and mental health provider who makes it through the day with my coffee, my journal, and my God. A simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic. All focused on Him.
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