Encouragement grounded in Scripture
Rooted in truth. Anchored in Christ.
New reflections weekly.
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Let my words be sweet
“Because she is a crybaby. That’s why she is crying.”
Where did these words come from you ask? They were uttered from my youngest. The answer from the lips of my son after his sister had asked why tears had filled her mom’s eyes.
And, of course, after these words, I began to cry even more. Thinking…Where did he get that word from? Where did I go wrong? How did this word come from this one? The one who sees his mom love without limits and at all costs? Who forgives and forgets each time his anger turns to aggression? This is what he has learned?
We don’t call people “crybabies” in our house. We don’t use the “r” word. “Stupid” and “dumb” are banned. A curse word may fly every now and then, but hurtful words for the most part are not a part of our general conversation. We have taught our kids to use kind, gentle words when they speak to each other. To others. To use words to build up. Not to tear down.
But, I can’t always shield them from what they may hear in this world. I’ve seen the word “crybaby” used to describe anyone who dares to stand up to injustice. I’ve even been called one before this day when I’ve been caught crying after being hurt by people I care about.
So…would our children, my child learn something different, or learn to speak loving and kind words if we took time to use our words to build up while they watch?
Keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies. Psalm 34:13
I had been spending a lot of time over a number of days thinking about words. My children had spent a number of days passing harsh words back and forth amongst each other. I had contemplated the ways in which words had been used to hurt, deceive, and divide people over the course of a year. I had been hopeful that over that year mine had shown and spoken something different.
I had not anticipated to walk into Bible Study at all on Wednesday night. I am usually the one serving in some capacity. This night was supposed to be no different. But, as God often does, He had other plans. So, I walked into the room and heard this:
“People can hurt. They can frustrate. But, they are also our greatest treasure, and you and your words are very important to some other person.”
The Sovereign Lord has given me his words of wisdom, so that I know how to comfort the weary. Isaiah 50:4
The world. Satan and his crafty adversaries. They had convinced me that my words were failing. That I had nothing of worth to say. That any wisdom God had given me to comfort had been useless.
He had put me in that room right where I needed to be on this night to prove otherwise.
Here’s the thing:
Words have infinite power. They can heal a wounded soul. Or inflict tremendous pain. The words spoken to self or to others have the power to breathe life into a heart, or break one. Words of love and forgiveness can build or repair something beautiful. While words of hate and contempt can destroy it. Once spoken, whether sweet or bitter…they cannot be taken back.
Choose wisely.
Choose words that build beauty.
Choose words that give life.
Choose words of love.
Choose the words of Christ.
Be compassionate and careful. Especially with those you care so much about. Choose words that if repeated back the only thing you would hear are sweet, loving words softly spoken back to you.
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Take me as I am
Those the Father has given me will come to me, and I will never reject them. John 6:37
When I was a teen, I hated country music. I grew up in the 80’s and 90’s. It was not the era of Luke Bryan, Jason Aldean, and Keith Urban. Instead their was Joe Diffie, Dwight Yoakam, and Wynonna. And the songs were really all about what country music jokes were made of.
However, when my parents moved closer to my grandparents, and my brother and I spent many a summer afternoon walking to their house, the twang of the songs grew on me.
And I grew to love the no nonsense words of Miss Shania.
She taught me that any man of mine had to be proud of me. That certain things should not impress me much. I could color my hair. Do what I dare. And after a long day I needed someone to rub my feet, and give me something to eat.
Then there was ole Faith…who taught me this: All I really need is honesty, From someone with a strong heart, and gentle hand. To take me as I am.
So, I had a standard.
However, as faulty humans. We don’t always live up to that, do we?
We expect a little too much from each other.
We expect that prior to any relationship we need to have all our junk together first. We rarely take anyone just as they are. Or, we take them. Then try to mold them into what we want them to be.
This is exactly how Charlotte Elliot came to know Christ. Who is she, you ask? She is the writer of the hymn “Just As I Am.”
Bound by depression in her 30’s, her minister paid her a visit and spoke to her about God. She dismissed him. Dead set on needing to “have her junk together” before she could accept this God in her life.
Her mentor and minister’s words: “Come just as you are,” were just the words she needed. She became a Christ follower that day.
It was 14 years later when she would write “Just As I Am.”
These words from that hymn are enough to make me thankful that He accepts me in all my messiness, in all my chaos, with all my junk.
“Just as I am, tho’ tossed about, With many a conflict, Many a doubt, Fightings within, and fears without, O lamb of God I come! I come!”
There are days I am crippled by worry and anxiety. If I didn’t have a God who accepted me in my tangled doubts and fears, I would not make it through.
I am thankful He sees past my twisted thoughts to the person I am outside my head. That He sees past my wretched faults, and accepts me just as I am.
He is and always will be someone with a strong heart, a gentle hand, to take me as I am.
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It’s lonely out here…
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as you are already doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11
“In ministry, I have found that our own thoughts can be quite dangerous. We start second-guessing what we should have done, what should have been said, what could have been changed, or why we did one thing over another. The quiet times mulling over our thoughts can create sadness, discouragement, and sometimes even anger.”
This. From a fellow student of ministry in an ordination class I am taking. A class that for several weeks I have struggled to keep up with honestly. I’ll admit it. A class I am struggling not to fail.
This student had described exactly what I had been wrestling: loneliness, worry that I had goofed up, doubt. This need to have it all together. And, then the desperate want to just fall apart.
As pastors and shepherds, we are called to encourage. To guide. To lead others to know Jesus and His love in a way they have never known.
Yet, there are days I feel deeply discouraged and terrified that if I say the wrong thing I’ll guide and lead someone astray.
As His ambassadors of love, we are givers of grace, forgiveness, and apologies that we often have to swallow to give when we are the ones who have been hurt, because after all we are that “Christian pastor.” When what we want to do is scream at the abuser, lash out at the persecutor, or just plain scream at God for allowing the hurt at all.
We love even when it doesn’t make sense. And, most of the time it doesn’t make sense. Because it didn’t make sense for Jesus, either. And, we desperately want others to know this kind of love.
We follow His will despite doubt, fear, intimidation, and the flaming arrows of Satan.
And, on top of that we worry about every conversation. The devil beats us down about every flaw. He does one heck of a number on our heads. And, we often have very few we can talk to, because most look to us for the wisdom.
It’s lonely out here.
So, we offer the encouragement we so need ourselves.
For me…it’s twofold. Not only am I a shepherd. I also have the role as a counselor to children as my “day job.” I am looked to as their guide. The one to provide sound advice. Steer them in the right direction. Provide them with the “right” tools. Be an encourager. Sometimes even just safety, security, and even love.
But, I agonize over whether that guidance was right? What triggered that meltdown that I didn’t catch in time? Did I make a decision that may have caused hurt? Said something that triggered some emotional response?
Worried that one misstep could royally mess them all up.
It’s lonely out here.
But, the children still need guidance. Safety. Security. Love.
So, the encourager uses the words she needs to hear herself.
Can I offer a little advice? From a pastor? A counselor? A never-ending encourager?
If you have a champion in your life, throw that champion a floatie. Offer some words of encouragement for all those times they have saved you.
Because, it’s lonely out there. And, well…sometimes the encouragers need a little saving, too.
Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
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A rainbow, a promise
“For even if the mountains walk away and the hills fall to pieces, My love won’t walk away from you, my covenant commitment of peace won’t fall apart.” Isaiah 54:10
It seemed to be a morning like most. While I was in a different zip code, state, and porch, my morning routine had not changed. Wake up. 7AM. Make coffee. Then head outside for time with God and the Bible.
Except this morning was a bit different. I had not woken up in the greatest of spirits.
Maybe it was that paper I had turned in the night before. The one that I knew I had not put my best into, that was also 2 days late to boot. And even though I had just declared I was giving this “no” thing a shot, and letting go of whatever had me needing to achieve so much (I’ll get to that at another time), I still had a ways to go.
Because, there was still a ton I just didn’t understand.
Still a lot of “why’s” God still had not answered.
“When the rainbow appears in the cloud, I’ll see it and remember the eternal covenant between God and everything living, every last thing on Earth.” Genesis 9:16
Then a rainbow appears. Out of no where, really. Right before the clouds descended over that same water. The same clouds that had seemed to match my mood the last few days.
But, He sent a rainbow, nonetheless.
To remind me that I may not have all the answers right now. I may still wrestle in my spirit over things I cannot understand. Things I can’t fix (and probably never will, because gee, January…only He can!).
To remind me that He keeps His promises, and He promises this:
“For as long as Earth lasts, planting and harvesting, cold and heat; Summer and winter, day and night will never stop.” Genesis 8:22
He will provide all I need.
There may be seasons of suffering. Seasons of delight. Oh…definitely seasons of darkness, but in every season there is a purpose.
The nights may be tough to get through, but joy comes in the morning.
And, some mornings, He sends rainbows to remind this weary heart that He is a God who keeps promises. And, He promised He may not give me the answers until it’s time, but He sure won’t leave me struggling alone.
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If He sees beauty here…so will I
If creation sings your praises, so will I. -Hillsong UNITED
I decided during my quiet time this week to do something a little different. Instead of my usual front porch sitting, I took my show on the road. I loaded up my Bible, my journal, and my pen, and headed to the lake in my local neighborhood in which I am blessed to live.
And, I just sat. Taking in all the beauty that surrounded me during that time. The big huge boulder that supported and anchored my back as I sat in the grass along the bank. The fireflies that danced and skimmed the waters surface. The water that rippled with the blowing winds, and the sun’s rays. The stray bird that flew through the air.
As I sat there, I realized that I needed to make sure that I spent more time doing this. Just sitting. Appreciating the beauty that surrounded me daily.
And, then I thought of something else.
What if I applied this to the body I was in? Saw beauty in it, and all that it has to offer? Walked into a room, not feeling uncomfortable, naked, and exposed? But, feeling like I belonged…because my Heavenly Father always sees beauty there?
This need to feel comfortable in my own skin. To see beauty where God sees it. To accept my quirks as gifts from Him, comes from the transformation I have witnessed in the last several weeks in my daughter.
My preteen, who still adorns her head with silly headbands, and professes she doesn’t care what others think, has now gained a certain slouch of shame when she witnesses the all to common changes that she is seeing in her body. And, I know. I know she has witnessed this from me. Even heard many words of shame as I critique my body, my supposed personality flaws, my errors. Yes, modesty is key. Integrity. Righteousness. These are something for which we should strive. However, perfection doesn’t exist, and our personalities are usually given to us for a reason. Furthermore, being a woman should never be something of which we are ashamed.
Then there is my son. Neurologically different because of his autism. A condition that makes him look no different, but yet keeps his belly in knots with anxiety. In addition, he is also a bit socially awkward…sometimes saying and doing the wrong thing, at the absolute wrong time. Who now has a sister who will wrestle with her self-esteem. He will hear her negative self-talk. See her be uncomfortable in her skin, and begin to believe it may be alright to talk to women this way. To allow women to feel this way.
And what comes next, is the doubt she begins to feel when she hears someone tell her mom, “You sure are sassy!” She hears she needs to tone her spunk, her “go get em” attitude down a bit.
When she hears me lament about some part of my physical makeup that I don’t like. My tooth that’s crooked. My too curly hair I only started to make peace with, that is just like hers. She will in turn start to wonder if she is flawed as well.
When he becomes more aware of his differences (because as he gets older, they do become more apparent), will he continue to shrug off the kids that call him “nerd,” or “weird?” Will he be bothered by the fact that he truly is uncomfortable, because he doesn’t know how to interact in the space he is in? And, if I can’t see beauty in me. If she can’t see beauty in the skin she is in, he will in turn learn this is the norm.
Her spirit is diminished more and more, and the belief that she is truly fearfully and wonderfully made becomes overshadowed by the critiques and expectations of the world.
She forgets to see God’s beauty in the space she is in. In the body she occupies. In the personality He has given her.
He feels different because he is wired differently. Thinks differently. Is sometimes awkward. Often comes off as rude. Wonders why God made him this way, and forgets that He too…was made in His image. Autism, and all.
We are all messy, unique, quirky, weird, sassy, beautiful, funny, and glorious. In the space we are in. But, somewhere along the way, we will hear a different message.
I hear…she hears…he hears…we hear…You don’t measure up. You don’t fit in. You need to change.
If the stars were made to worship so will I
If the mountains bow in reverence so will I
If the oceans roar Your greatness so will I
If the wind goes where You send it so will I
If the rocks cry out in silence so will IIf He says I am fearfully and wonderfully made….so will I.
Because the tree just stands majestic. It may drop its leaves in silence when the time is right, but in due time, it buds again.
The flower isn’t told not to bloom. That its colors are too bold. Its fragrance too sweet. Its petals and design too quirky.
The bird isn’t told to sing a new song. That the one it chirps is too loud, not their style, or doesn’t sound quite right. It belts out its tune anyway.
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous-how well I know it. Psalm 139:13-14
That girl. That boy. This woman. You. Will walk into a room and feel comfortable in the space we are in. Not slouching. Standing tall and majestic. Not feeling awkward, or weird, or different. But, like an exotic flower that blooms boldly. Like a bird, singing a song, that may not be someone else’s style. It may be out of tune, and too loud.
But, if creation can sing praise for what God has made…then, so will I.
So will I.
About Me
I am January! Wife, mother, meemaw, pastor, and mental health provider who makes it through the day with my coffee, my journal, and my God. A simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic. All focused on Him.
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Grace 'n Grounds 