Hello, I’m January
Inspiration and thoughts on God and faith, written by a simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic.
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Only One can “fix” them…and it’s not me
“Well, we can’t wait for you to work your magic on this one!”
And, yes. Sure. I couldn’t wait either. But, magic? Was the idea that I had magic dust in my pockets to make people do what needed to be done, destined to deem me a failure?
What was the “magic?”
The “magic” was the thought, and a common misconception that counselors, or anyone else in a helping profession, including doctors, pastors…are known to “fix” people. That it is their sole responsibility to fix what is broken.
See, that comment about “magic” made by a colleague at that particular time, though surely meant as a compliment, placed undue pressure and responsibility for me to do all the “fixing.”
I need to fix this kid. I need to ensure he/she makes good choices. Makes progress. Is changed.
I absolutely have to guide them from taking the wrong path. I have to make them listen. Behave. Never err from where I am pointing. Tame the impulse to act or speak without thinking.
I put a huge amount of pressure on myself to work my “magic.”
To “fix” what was deemed broken. Wave that magic dust in my pocket, and have everything and everyone fall neatly into place.
And, I can’t handle that pressure. I am bound to fail. Miserably. Magic dust and all.
He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3
He holds the “magic.” He holds the answers. He protects. He takes on that responsibility. And, while I like to think I hold all the magic to make change happen. To know that they will always make the right choice. I just don’t.
I do have something that is pretty magical. I have the reassurance that God will restore and repair what needs to be fixed. My job isn’t to do it on my own. It’s certainly not to take all the credit. To manipulate someone to listen to make myself look good or “magical,” and make anyone here honor me and my supposed success (or failure).
My job is to offer prayers for each child’s “fixing.” To ask Him to provide me the words that will touch a tender heart. Ask Him to show me how to come along someone who needs a little “magic” to help them handle tough stuff. I don’t get the credit. I ask for the Father to work His magic, and I watch and praise Him while He does His work!
So next time you find yourself trying to fix everything or everyone that is broken.
Next time you feel the pressure to be the perfect parent, raising perfect kids, who make perfect choices, only to realize you are failing.
Next time you find yourself trying to figure out why that individual got burned on a hot stove again. Why those kids just won’t listen. Behave. Do what is expected.
Next time you expect someone to wave a magic wand, remember the one who truly fixes. And pray that folks will come to seek Him for their “fixing.” Call on Him to restore the broken, because he is the only one who can “fix.”
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Your “good” name
A good name is to be chosen over great wealth. Proverbs 22:1“Oh, you’re January!”
This could be a statement that fills you with a sense of dread. Hmmm…what did they mean by that?
Thankfully this time, the comment was made in the local Starbucks that I frequently visit many mornings. The one that knows me by name and drink. A new barista had greeted me this day. And, since I am usually all smiles and conversations when I come into this place (because, well…I am picking up my liquid courage), I knew I could rest easy.
She had heard about THAT January.
The one with the “good” name.
I am one who believes that reputations should not proceed people. One, you never know when someone speaks about a person whether it’s out of good intentions, or bitterness and ill-will. Two, sometimes even with “good” names, we all have “bad” days.
However, when we represent Christ, our names are not only ours, but His. The world is getting a chance to meet Jesus through our words and actions. Through our name. Do people light up when they hear or say our name? Or do they scowl, and grumble?
I think this passage from Job 29 represents what I want people to think when they hear mine:
“Men and women listened when I spoke, hung expectantly on my every word. After I spoke, they’d be quiet, taking it all in. They welcomed my counsel like spring rain, drinking it all in. When I smiled at them, they could hardly believe it; their faces lit up, their troubles took wing!” Job 29:21-24
When they hear or say my name I want them to think of Jesus. To think of mercy, compassion, and love.
I want them to remember my “good” name.
It’s never too late to make sure someone remembers yours!
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Me, of little faith
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me! Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” Matthew 14:29-31
“Are we walking on the ocean?”
“Well, not ON the ocean…unless we are Jesus.”
Of course at the time I thought I was pretty witty. Until I was schooled by an even sassier, younger version of myself who broke it down for me…like only a preteen girl can do!
“Um, no honey! Jesus said, ‘Why do you have such little faith, Peter?’ Don’t you know we can walk on water, too!”
Me of such little faith. Without even knowing it, my sassy eleven-year old had gotten it right. I was like Peter. Not convinced I could walk on water.
There have been times recently when my faith has been fleeting. When I have fought battles, convinced that God had stopped fighting for me.
When I thought the waves were going to take me under, and I have also cried out, “Save me, Lord!” Hearing. Feeling nothing. Doubting that He was going to deliver me from my mess. From chaos.
Like Peter, I have ventured out at His leading, and become discouraged when things didn’t turn out the way I hoped. Started sinking in doubts if I faced opposition, discouragement, or hurdles along the way.
I began to drown out His purpose and His mission in my doubt.
Me, of such little faith. “Just like Peter, Momma!”
I don’t know what boat you need to get out of today, but I do know this-He is there to save you. To guide you out on the water. He won’t leave you. He won’t let you drown. He won’t let you rock around helpless in the waves. Being blown over by the wind.
He will help you. He only asks you step out of the boat in faith, so that you can walk on that water to the place He is leading you, too.
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What is planted will bloom
It was both bittersweet, and nerve wracking-the day I walked out of the Children’s Church room for the last time on a Sunday as Children’s Pastor. Knowing that the next day I would start another journey of which I am still uncertain, and still leaning on God tremendously to get me through.
Someone asked me how I felt. If I was sad, or would miss it? Both transitions have proven to be quite different. It’s probably why there are so many mixed feelings and emotions attached.
At times I feel afraid. There are times I am still heartbroken. Other times just numb. Clinging to that last ounce of hope that I have been known to hold onto even when others don’t. Change is always hard. Especially when you can’t see the road in front of you. When you know where it leads and who guides you, but you have no idea what waits for you along the path.
But, I was still able to give this answer: “I’m not leaving them behind. Im watching them grow, but in a different place.”
It didn’t dawn on me until later just how profound that statement really was.
Until I sat in Sunday School.
With the teens who I had known, had even taught on Sunday mornings from the time some of them were 5. Now high schoolers. Some close to graduation. All talking about their hopes, dreams, and desires.
Some I had a hard time dealing with as 4th and 5th graders. Many who I thought just weren’t getting the message at all.
Then Jesus said, “God’s kingdom is like seed thrown on a field by a man who then goes to bed and forgets about it. The seed sprouts and grows—he has no idea how it happens. The earth does it all without his help: first a green stem of grass, then a bud, then the ripened grain. When the grain is fully formed, he reaps—harvest time! Mark 4:26-29
We plant seeds. But, we can’t really know when, why, or how they will grow.
Many times we can plant a seed, and never see it grow, until many years later. Until those seeds planted at the age of five, have sprouted into soon to be high school graduates.
God is the source of that growth. We just have to be faithful sowers. Never ceasing to continue to plant in the hopes that one day, a desperate heart will hear His Word, and bloom.
Even when it looks like that seed is being choked by thorns and weeds. Not taking root. Not growing. We never stop planting.
We always pray and hope for the harvest. Because there WILL be a season of harvest.
One day we will look out among the kingdom of God and see all the seeds we planted and then left to grow-blooming gloriously in front of us.
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Not Today
I’ll sing the night into the morning
I’ll sing the fear into Your praise
I’ll sing my soul into Your presence
Whenever I say Your Name
Let the devil know not today. -HillsongThese are the words of a song I heard while driving home on a summer afternoon a little over a year ago. I heard it a day on which Satan had been beating me up badly. “You are not good enough. See, look at what has happened. What will people think of you now?”
I had just found out I was about to become a grandma…and my biggest worry was everyone else’s expectations of me.
But, really I have been here for a long time. Living up to everyone else’s expectations. What I needed to look like. How my kids should act. Who I should be at church. At work. As a parent. How I carried myself. Whether I said “ask,” or pronounced it “ax.” I never thought I measured up to what the world expected, and Satan uses this any time he can.
Not today!
I started posting that message all around me when his voice started to get louder, as the expectations of who I needed to be became too much to handle.
It’s on my bathroom mirror, so when I look into it each morning, see something different than what God sees, and start to pick apart my flaws, my first response instead is “Not today, Satan!”
It is on my coffee pot so I can repeat it to myself before I get my “cup of courage” and the day becomes too crazy. It even adorns the mug I use each morning as I hurry about the house, or spend time in His word.
It is on my steering wheel as I head into work, on my planner while I work; all to keep those all too familiar “not good enough” thoughts that creep up in this particular place at bay as I walk into classes feeling incapable-“Not today, Satan!”
It serves as a reminder that all the expectations that the devil places in my head. The ones that make me feel inadequate, are the world’s…not God’s. He created me. My edges. My weaknesses. My struggles. My mistakes and flaws are made perfect through Him. And, everything the world thinks is a fatal flaw, God will use for His glorious purpose.
They remind me that the devil has never filled my head with anything but lies. Tore apart my soul, and tries daily to strip me of my worth.
He didn’t succeed yesterday. And, he won’t today. No. No. Not today.
About Me
I am January! Wife, mother, meemaw, pastor, and mental health provider who makes it through the day with my coffee, my journal, and my God; and I am also on some days a hot mess. A simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic.
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