Hello, I’m January
Inspiration and thoughts on God and faith, written by a simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic.
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Grace for the broken
Can a woman of God be broken by Him? Can a person who is faithful to Him struggle with doubts? With temptation?
If your answer is no, you are mistaken.
I’ll tell you why.
Picture a woman. One who is sure of her purpose. She has put her trust in God, is sure of what He told her she was to do. She prays fervently for those He has placed in her path. She ministers to the “least of these.” She is faithful to His instructions, guidance, and ways.
But then…doubt creeps in. The doubts of people. Those who doubt her abilities, giftedness, and vision. The doubts she has in herself-am I enough? Do I have what it takes? And the voices of the devil that open those doubts wide: “Nope. You are not good enough. You don’t have what they have. Your vision is all wrong. God isn’t answering your prayers.”
Picture this. Constant for months. Disappointments. Changes not expected. The constant voice of the devil’s criticisms and lies.
Once faithful. Now full of doubts. Until she breaks.
What does this breaking look like?
It’s slow. Not sudden. The doubts in her abilities, her talents, her purpose slowly turn into doubts of her worth. God’s love for her.
She slowly forgets what He says about her, and who approved her, and seeks this from the world.
From people. From the opinions of those people. Trusting feelings, perceptions, and the promises of a fallen world, and not Him. She is broken, because she forgets who made her worthy.
I have always liked the song “Gracefully Broken.” There are several different versions, but my favorite is the one performed by Tasha Cobbs Leonard. In the opening commentary this is what she says about being broken, and being offered His grace:
God will break you to position
He will break you to promote you
And break you to put you in your right place
But when He breaks you He doesn’t hurt you,
When He breaks you He doesn’t destroy you, He does it with; grace.God will let you become broken so He can provide you the way to His grace. He will allow you to be broken to show you how to climb back into His arms for safety. He will let the breaking occur so He can show you how to truly surrender to His will. He will break you to remind you of His love when you go looking elsewhere. He will allow our brokenness to happen so we can be put back together again with grace that provides deeper lessons, truths, understanding, and wisdom. Those that we could not learn and gain if we had not broken in tiny pieces.
But as the song says…He never leaves us that way. He offers us His grace.
To everyone broken, He offers us a way to put the pieces back together. In their right place. Grace to remember our worth again. Wisdom so we never allow the lies and noise of the world to cause us to forget it.
He may allow our breaking, but He also offers His grace.
Are you going to accept it, and allow Him to put your pieces back together, today?
I do not own rights to video, music, or lyrics.
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A dream renewed
I frequently go through periods when I purge spaces in my home. I have a tendency to hold onto things, and the “stuff” accumulated around me can become overwhelming.
In the purging of items like clothes, and only half-working appliances, I often find some reminders of who I was, or rather always had been. Pictures, cards, even old journal entries. Proof that I always enjoyed writing. That I always had something to say, and had found a way to do so.
What I enjoy finding during these purge sessions is the evidence that God was always present, even if I was not actively seeking Him. Case in point:
My mom found this and framed it for me. I then found it stashed away in some box. Forgotten. Until found again. I wrote this when I was 10, a kid who didn’t really have much use for God, but evidence that He was in pursuit long ago.
A kid (with her nose in a book, surrounded by stuffed animals), a teen, and then an adult who processed life through writing.
And then stopped for a time.
When I began 2021, I was in a state of transformation. Of finding my voice. Who I was. What I wanted to accomplish. What legacy I wanted to leave. Reflecting on past choices. Past hurts. Past triumphs. And dreams left to die.
I went into 2021 intent on not letting any more dreams die, but also wanted to surrender to God’s voice telling me to move forward. Not going farther than He desired, and not moving ahead of Him. This required I actually believe that He loved me. That I was worthy of big dreams. That in itself was a process. Heart-wrenching, but soul saving.
Through the many conversations, angry prayers, and surrender (often surrendering over and over), God revealed the things I had been hiding, holding onto, and believing about His love, His promises, and His plans for me; calling me to a place where trust in people was challenged, and trust in Him became of utmost importance.
He made me believe in my big dreams again.
One of those big dreams? Publish a book.
Through the wrestling with who God made me to be, I found the voice I let lie dormant for too many years. I had to sift through the lies that society, the people around me, and Satan had me believing were the truth about me. And this devotional was the result. A labor of love from the One who loved me first. A reminder that I am more than just a face. Have a voice, that He desires be heard.
One who doesn’t want another women or girl (or even a guy) questioning their worth; or letting their big dreams die.
Perhaps you need to take a journey to finding who He meant for you to be, too!
Click on the link below to purchase the Kindle version.
Or purchase the paperback version using the link below.
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Making peace with the Proverbs 31 woman
I have always had a love/hate relationship with the Proverbs 31 woman. I had a desire to be this Biblical gold standard, but then at other times, it seemed to be another standard I could just never live up to. I mean, really. Come on. She finds wool and flax, and spins it (v 13); she plants a vineyard (v 16); and she makes her own bedspreads (v 22). I don’t do any of this!
I decided to turn my love/hate relationship into one of understanding.
Who is she? And why is there an entire chapter devoted to her in the Bible? The last chapter of Proverbs, in fact; when so many others have focused on a different type of woman-an evil, manipulative, promiscuous, and adulterous woman. One who uses her beauty to deceive and lure.
Maybe because she is in fact the total opposite of those described in Chapters 5, 6, and 7. One closer to God. She is more than a woman who is “bitter poison” (5:4), or “cares nothing about the path of life” (5:6).
She honors God. Loves God. Does His will. Seeks Him first.
The writer of this well-versed chapter makes this difference known in the very first verses of Chapter 31. According to the author (King Solomon…who actually needed this advice), King Lemuel was actually given this advice from his mother: “Don’t dilute your strength on fortune-hunting women, promiscuous women who shipwreck leaders.” Proverbs 31:3, MSG. Those chronicled in those earlier chapters; those that bring destruction. Momma goes on to describe what kind of woman she desires for her boy.
Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?
She is more precious than rubies.
Her husband can trust her,
and she will greatly enrich his life.
She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:10-12, NLTVirtuous. Other translations describe her as noble. In other words, righteous. Good. Honest. Upright.
And she isn’t just trusted and honored by her husband. But most importantly-God.
Momma wanted the King to find him a godly woman. One of integrity. Honesty. With strong moral character.
One who was the same in secret as she was in public.
Our Heavenly husband desires this as well.
If you look back to those other chapters, those women (and ladies…let’s not be remiss to realize that men can be these things, too. This isn’t just for the ladies)…what do we find? Worldly qualities. Things folks desire simply from seeing, hearing, and trusting things other than one’s character. “Words like honey.” (Proverbs 5:4). “Lustful beauty and coy glances meant to seduce” (Proverbs 6:25).
The P31 woman is much more than looks, charm or words. She walks with God, and she mirrors His ways. When she speaks she doesn’t speak words to deceive or beguile. She speaks words of praise. Encouragement. Truth in love. She is a woman of integrity, and God has confidence and trust in her decisions, because they match the truth she reads. The life she lives, and the way she speaks.
She desires good for everyone. Not destruction. Most of all, she desires God.
And she desires Him for others, too.
I used to hate her, but now I love her. I used to want to be anything BUT her, but now she’s all I want to be.
She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. Proverbs 31:25-26, 30
That’s a godly woman. A woman of truth and integrity. A woman I long to be.
Note: Now that I have made peace with the Proverbs 31 woman, and continue to find peace with myself, I have some ways for you to do the same. Come back this weekend for an exciting announcement!
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Placing your burdens in His hands
“You can pray for anything, and if you have faith, you will receive it.” Matthew 21:22
Prayer. It is our connection to God. The way we seek answers, and intercede for those we desire to be healed, saved, or to find peace. Prayer is a daily act of thanksgiving, surrender, and sometimes even our heaviest burden. Especially when we pray endlessly for the same thing, and don’t see any results.
How are we burdened by prayer? Our requests become heavy when we pray, but we pray out of duty, because it’s an item on a checklist. Or when we pray, we don’t let God truly handle it-we start taking the wheel, and controlling the outcome. So we show a lack of trust in Him. A lack of faith.
Our hope and our faith becomes wrapped up in our ability, and what we see happening around us. We start to manipulate things the way we want them to be, and doubt creeps in when it doesn’t happen the way we want it; or the way we asked for it to. We start to believe we have the strength to move all the mountains before us.
This is how our burdens become too heavy. Those mountains become too steep. Because we were never meant to carry them. And, we were not meant to move them.
Prayer requires a whole ton of faith.
When the deepest sorrow weighs on your heart
When you’ve prayed for answers but the answers never come
For every tear that you cry
There’s a promise He will make your burdens light. Jamie Kimmett, “Burdens”Prayer requires we relinquish our control, and let God do what He promised.
But these burdens, the ones we have carried for so long. We hold onto them. We tend to them. We hope to fix. We run to save. We pray, but we still keep picking it back up again. Until they are too heavy.
We don’t have to.
We can pick up our load. Our baggage. We can walk it to him. Lay it down at His feet, and say: “God, take it. You deal with it. I can’t anymore. It is not mine to carry. I give it to you. Deal with it, as you will. As YOU will, not me. I didn’t ask for this burden. So You fix this, God.”
And then BELIEVE that He will. And this is what it means to have faith as you let go.To truly lay the burden down at His feet. You can’t see what may happen. You can’t see the end. You have no clue what’s gonna happen after you lay it down, you just know He promised. You believe in those promises.
And then…watch what happens.
You are gonna change. Like a visible change.
Because you ever seen someone carrying a burden? They have a look. They look weary. They have lost a light, a bounce, a luster. They are physically, mentally, and more often than not emotionally exhausted.
Matthew 10:28 says, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.”
So, when you take that heavy burden, and you lay it down…you look different. It’s not just a physical rest. It’s a soul rest. Because here’s what’s happening before hand. You are not only carrying the weight of everything, or that person, because let’s be honest it’s usually a person, or a situation that involves a person…and what’s happening is we are all like-“but I can save them, but they are going through hard times, they need me…” well yes, but they need God…and God will fix. You lay it down. Tell Him to deal with it, and then they (God and that person) can hash that out.
Yes. That seems harsh, because we also read we are supposed to carry each other’s burdens. But here is the thing-we are not supposed to play God. God does the heavy lifting. The mountain moving. We plant seeds. We encourage. We build up. We leave the saving. The moving of the spirit. The transforming to Him.
Carry it. Lay it down. God, you deal with it. As you will.
Look, I get it. I realize how hard it is to drop that burden, and leave it there for God to handle. Some time ago I had a burden. I had it for years. I probably put it on myself a bit, but I do believe God also gave this burden to me. But it became too heavy.
In the final moment when I realized I had to surrender, I wrestled with God, and I found this passage in 1 Peter 2:
He never sinned,
nor ever deceived anyone.
He did not retaliate when he was insulted,
nor threaten revenge when he suffered.
He left his case in the hands of God,
who always judges fairly.
He personally carried our sins
in his body on the cross
so that we can be dead to sin
and live for what is right.
By his wounds
you are healed.
Once you were like sheep
who wandered away.
But now you have turned to your Shepherd,
the Guardian of your souls. 1 Peter 2:22-25, NLTWe can’t carry everyone. We can’t pick them up, and carry all their weight. We can’t do all the heavy lifting. Those burdens are heavy.
But God can.
And I knew then, when I laid it down. And I know now. Even if. Even if I never see it. Never see salvation in those lives I pray for. It is well with me. Because I did what God asked me to do. I prayed. I surrendered. I asked for forgiveness. I showed love. Compassion. Mercy. Even if. It is well. I showed Jesus to those who didn’t know Him so that one day they may turn to the guardian of their souls, too. I am praying for that, laying them down, and letting God take over.
That is faith.
I had a choice to surrender. They have a choice to choose.
Even if. I will be ok.
And that is where we have to be. Ok to lay it down. And ok with even if. Ok with being the surrendered one and saying “God, you got this, right? You deal with it. I’m gonna pray it out, over here, while you work it out over there. You carry the burden. I’ll pray and rest.”
God’s got you covered. And guess what…he has them covered, too. That burden. As long as they want it.
Lay it down. Pray it out. Let it go. It’s out of YOUR hands. So today, simply put that burden in His.
I do not own the rights to this song/video/lyrics.
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You can go here, but not there…
There is something about being at the beach that seems to bring about the idea that life really does make sense. Maybe it’s the salty air. The sounds. Or the fact that our ever moving minds and bodies are truly in “vacation” mode. But here…I hear His Spirit once again and it revives me.
As I took one of my long morning walks along the shoreline, I took note of the pattern and rythym of the waves and thought of their movement. How do they know where to stop? The waves that is. How do they know how to get to shore, and know they can only go but so far?
I, the Lord, define the ocean’s sandy shoreline as an everlasting boundary that the waters cannot cross. The waves may toss and roar, but they can never pass the boundaries I set. Jeremiah 5:22
They can only go but so far. God created boundaries so the earth would not be covered by the sea. As we walk along beaches we trust in the one who demands the wind and waves obey. Knowing they cannot cross His boundaries.
But what about those boundaries he sets for us? What happens when he tells us “You can only go this far?”
Do we listen? Or do we venture out on our own into territory He hasn’t set out for us?
Just like He commands the seas to stop at a certain point. Tells them you can go here, but not there-he sets the boundaries of right living for us as well. “You can go here, but only this far. Going any further without my guidance, against my better judgment will consume you.”
He provides us direction and boundaries because His way is always far better than ours. The direction we want to take isn’t always the one God intended. So in an effort to ensure we are not tossed by the waves, or consumed by the waters of the sea, He tells us, sends us as far as He is willing to let us go.
His boundaries are to protect not to harm. His boundaries are set to keep us safe, not to stifle us. His boundaries are set because His ways are higher than our ways.
Are we going to trust His judgment? Or are we going to stray too far away? Are we going to keep pushing boundaries until we are taken under?
What boundary are you pushing that is keeping you from going where God intends for you to go? Maybe it’s time to let Him direct you, and finally listen when He says, “You can go here, but there? I am not sending you there.”
About Me
I am January! Wife, mother, meemaw, pastor, and mental health provider who makes it through the day with my coffee, my journal, and my God; and I am also on some days a hot mess. A simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic.
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Grace 'n Grounds 