Encouragement grounded in Scripture
Rooted in truth. Anchored in Christ.
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Consider your words
Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragment to those who hear them. Ephesians 4:29, NLT
It had been going on for days. Constant bickering. Name-calling. Arguing. The two had been fighting like toddlers. “She hit me.” “Well, he was making fun of me.” In the car on the way to dinner. In the car on the way to church. At the dinner table.
As they got up to put their dishes away, I was finally done. I didn’t raise my voice, just simply said: “The next time either of you says anything mean to one another, you lose electronics or something fun. This is getting exhausting, and it’s sucking the soul out of me.”
It was. Quite literally, sucking the life out of me.
Think about it. Think about the people in your life. Think about the ones who you have a strong desire to spend time with. What is it about them that makes you want to be around them? Is it obligation? Sometimes that can be it. Family can be in this category. Co-workers. Friends even. Some of those may be have-to’s. I am talking about the want-to’s in your life.
I would imagine these people are “feel-good” people. People who make your soul feel good. Who put a smile on your face. Who make your heart jump for joy. The conversations you have are probably filled with good things. They are probably encouraging. You don’t talk about others, and if you do, it is probably to talk about how to help others, not to tear them down. These are the people who consistently use positive words. Kind words. Words to build up. Life-giving words.
What about the others? You know who I mean. The life-suckers. Being around them takes a considerable amount of emotional energy. Your conversations usually consist of talking bad about people, or gossiping. Sometimes you may even feel like you are trying really hard to put a positive spin on everything they say, and much of what you hear is a problem, and not a solution. You do not feel good when you leave these people. Sometimes, much like I did at the dinner table with my kids, you can’t wait for the conversation to be over; and you find you want to spend less and less time with them. You may even need days to recuperate.
Do I think there is a such a thing as too much positivity? Yes, certainly. Being positive about everything, and just not being vulnerable and honest can at times be toxic. But if every word that comes from your mouth is an onslaught of criticism, doom and gloom, and humdrum, hurtful language, take it from the mom at the dinner table-to the person hearing it, it’s soul-sucking.
And the Bible is clear about this as well. It mentions how words can be harmful or beneficial to the hearer, and the health of the hearer. In Proverbs, Solomon mentions words a handul of times, and mentions how words can either be positive for one’s health, or not so. For instance, in Proverbs 16:24, Solomon states, Kind words are like honey-sweet to the soul and healthy for the body. In contrast, in Proverbs 15:4, he mentions that a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit. Safe to say…your words have great impact.
You can turn on the TV. Open social media. Walk down a sidewalk or a school hallway and hear enough bad language and crude remarks to grow weary, so I wonder at times why our every day conversations continue to also be filled with them. And certainly, I cannot be the only one simply exhausted by it. Crushed in spirit even.
Perhaps it’s time to think about which person you are in any given conversation. Are you the one people can’t wait to talk to? Or are you the one people can’t wait to leave? Consider this from Proverbs 18:20, another message about our words: Wise words satisfy like a good meal; the right words bring satisfaction. Personally, I want others to leave my presence satisfied by what they heard. Full of the Spirit, and full of love. Not leaving, and desiring to leave a bad review about the “poor service” they received. How about you?
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A better way to honor change
Do not let sin control the way you live; do not give in to sinful desires. Do not let any part of your body become an instrument of evil to serve sin. Instead, give yourselves completely to God, for you were dead, but now you have new life. So use your whole body as an instrument to do what is right for the glory of God. Sin is no longer your master, for you no longer live under the requirements of the law. Instead, you live under the freedom of God’s grace. Romans 6:12-14
There is something my youngest pokes fun at me any chance he can for saying-“The ‘p’ in pastor doesn’t stand for ‘perfect.’”He repeats it anytime he recalls some slip of tongue in the car in the past at an inept driver, any transgression deemed unbefitting of someone “called” to lead a flock from the past 10-13 years of his life. “I know. I know. ‘P’ in pastor doesn’t stand for “perfect.”
Why have I had to say this so many times until it’s almost some ridiculous mantra repeated at dinner? Because, yes. I struggled with road rage for a number of years, and my children were witness to it. During those moments, a range of 4 letter words would flow, and my kids reminded me they were not appropriate. But what bothered me most? Even after I was “reformed,” started waving instead when someone flipped me off, and stopped cursing when someone cut me off, was that they just never let me forget it. Hence the need to remind them that the process of sanctification, was a process. Even for pastors.
Paul even reminds the Roman church of this in Chapter 6, in his letter to them, reminding them of where “perfection” comes-through their new life in Christ.
But how many of us are like my children at times? Continuing to bring up the used-to’s? The behaviors before Jesus came in and cleaned up that mess, before we fully surrendered, and handed over all those sinful practices to Him? Are we just not willing to let it go? That person whether pastor or not, may have truly decided not to let sin control them-whether it’s cursing or something else, but we won’t stop bringing up their old desire to do so-so we deny the work of the Spirit in their lives, look past what God has done to move them through a process of change, and fail to celebrate the new life that has been born. They start to believe…well, they will just never be “perfect” enough for you.
There is a better way. Paul also talks about it to another church. The church in Corinth, when he talks about something else we view as perfect by the world’s standards-love. In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul describes perfect love-Christian love. He says, this type of love does not keep a record of wrongs (v5). In addition, this “perfect” love, never loses faith and is always hopeful (v7). So, someone loving and celebrating new life, displaying Christian love; would not harp on another’s flaws, but would rejoice in the making new.
Are we walking this better way-with others or even with ourselves? Focused on the making new, in the dead life we were removed from when Jesus called us out of those ways into something better? If we are still holding onto the old, can we let it go, so we can truly help others move forward in the Christ-like “perfection,” and ourselves as well?
Because He certainly did. And He expects us to as well.
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Those who want the best
In a conversation while watching TV, my husband and I reflected over the death of the TV sitcom. Streaming has killed mainstream TV, and the idea of sitting down with kids to just watch a family TV show seems dead. Gone are the days of shows like Who’s the Boss, Family Matters, and Growing Pains.
Growing Pains…not just physical, but those emotional ills we go through when anything in life or relationships change. That’s what the show was all about.
It’s what life is all about. And throughout mine, I’ve had my fair share. Even well into my late 30’s and even as recently as a couple years ago. As just like the sitcom, Carol, Mike, and the others had the Seaver parents; and I had people who helped me, guided me, and truly wanted the best for me as I was growing through them.
One is a colleague I look up to. I admire her and her professionalism. In a conversation this week, we were discussing some of the challenges for the new school year with staff changes; one of them being the previous week’s meeting that I had been asked to lead. The one that had not gone as planned. I told her how a few years ago I probably would have left that room crying, and cried about it for days; but these days I no longer take things that are not about me personally. Her response was unexpected. One I was not needing to hear for validation (though in the same years I would have needed that, too), but confirming in a way.
“January, you are exactly right. You have grown so much. It’s been so awesome to watch you develop into such a great therapist, and a really strong leader.”
I was humbled. Coming from someone who five years ago, scared me to death…yes I was humbled.
And I said as much-that she used to scare me-because five years prior I had sat in her office as a resident in counseling with 2 years of overdue paperwork needing signatures. Having not attended any groups in the last three months, because I was meeting the requirements of everyone else around me, and not the path of the career I said I was passionate about. Her promise to never sign another overdue quarterly report after that date stuck with me, and I vowed to myself I would never turn in another one late. And I didn’t. I also never missed another group supervision. I made sure my placements knew those were monthly commitments I had to meet as part of my residency. She was right-I could have sat there and made excuses. I could have given up. But I didn’t. I owned it. Fixed it. And didn’t do it again.
Now…I’d like to say I never made another mistake I had to be held accountable for, but then I would also have to tell you I am superhuman, and I am not. I have had to own my junk. Fix it. And suffer some growing pains. And each time someone has been there who has truly wanted the best for me. Someone has had to show me the crack, the area needing growth, and push me to fix it.
And we hear that a lot: “I am telling you this because I want the best for you,” or “I wish you the best.” But does everyone? And how do you know the difference? Because there is a difference.
Here’s an illustration to help you:
After breakfast Jesus asked Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these? “Yes, Lord,” Peter replied, “you know I love you.” “Then feed my lambs,” Jesus told him. Jesus repeated the question: “Simon son of John, do you love me?” “Yes, Lord,” Peter said, “you know I love you.” “Then take care of my sheep,” Jesus said. A third time he asked him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Peter was hurt that Jesus asked the question a third time. He said, “Lord, you know everything. You know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Then feed my sheep. John 21:15-17
Jesus gave Peter instructions and asked Him to serve Him, as He had been instructed to do previously. If you love me, you will go on serving as you have before; but you will change your behavior.
Leaders, friends, loved ones who want the best for you-don’t hold your past missteps against you. Jesus didn’t do that to Peter. That colleague had not even remembered those reports-I had. She had just silently been watching me grow.
Those who want the best may have to call out a fault. A blemish. May have to ask you to correct a mistake, or an area of growth, but they do so in gentleness, in love, and with the understanding that you have the opportunity to make it right, and even get better. It’s not to hold these wrongs over your head for later. They don’t yell at you, or shame you. Or keep them in their back pockets as ammunition to keep you from moving forward later.
Those who want the best SEE the best. Potential. And not just the products of your mistakes. They can’t wait for you to bloom into what you will become. They even want to help you do it.
Now, those who really don’t want what is best for you…but maybe for them?
At first, they tell you the mistake is no big deal. You are forgiven. You have some time to make this right, and may even encourage you with a plan. But then it shifts.
They keep a record of your wrongs. Like receipts. Adding them up to list them each time you mess up. They remember that meeting 5 years ago, and won’t let you forget it. They even remember why you were there.
They see a crack. And instead of gently talking to you about it; they expose it. With maneuvering of others in front of you and your gifts, desires, talents. They may even poke at it to expose the weakness more.
Those who want what is best for them? They want competition. If you do happen to fix the crack? To move forward? Bloom? Grow? Despite the adversity? Don’t expect an ally. Expect the silent treatment. And an all out lack of support. These people may even just ghost you.
These are the people who would have never went to Peter and asked him to feed their sheep, but would instead be talking to the sheep about Peter. Or would have already replaced Peter with a new first mate.
You get it now?
Those who want the best for you, sometimes don’t get to have the best conversations; because they are the ones willing to have the tough ones.
The ones that may cause pain, but instill growth.
The ones that may hurt a bit, but are necessary for change.
The ones that reveal cracks, but are crucial for repair.
These are the best.
Don’t be afraid of those who challenge you. Because they are the ones who just may be conduits of your strongest growth. Those are the ones who want the best.
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A peace only One can give
“I am leaving you with a gift-peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” John 14:27
When you think of peace, of what do you think? Peace for many may be being at home alone with no kids, eating whatever you want with no interruptions, and no sibling rivalry. Peace could be a cup of coffee. A comfy blanket. A good book. When we think of peace we often think of calm. Relaxation. Quiet.
Perhaps to you peace is a place. A moment. Or even a person.
For many it’s often an escape they crave. Peace is how they tune out. Shut out. Numb all the thoughts and feelings about what is going on in the outside world. For a moment, anyway. Until even these practices-people, places, habits- can become destructive and lead us to anything but peace.
They become destructive because we seek what Jesus indicates we should be avoiding-the world’s version of what provides us peace, and it falls short every single time.
It could be these things, yes. But I think it is also so much more. Because there are spaces we can be in at any given moment that are not peaceful based on an average definition of peace. Our thoughts may be loud, and the spaces may not simply be quiet and calm around us. The circumstances we face may actually be full of chaos and turmoil, but we can still have peace and be facing really tough things.
Let’s look at the world. Jesus says he will provide a peace the world cannot give, yet that is often what we cling to-the peace we seek from the world. The kind we crave from the world’s approval. The applause we receive from accomplishments, fame, and likes. However, do something someone doesn’t like; and those things go away quickly. Because this world is also full of what we have now come to know as “cancel culture,” and if you don’t fit into what the world deems appropriate, well…you get canceled.
The kind of peace Jesus gives doesn’t cancel you. No, instead it’s the peace that is content in knowing that we all speak a certain way. Are interested in different things. Have different talents, passions and strengths. When we start to have peace with ourself and the way we have been molded and made by God, we walk different. We walk with our heads held high knowing that every experience, every thing that others may consider a personality flaw, every weird accent. It has a purpose. It is used by Him.
You no longer seek the applause of other people, or make decisions based on whether it makes someone happy. Peace allows you to boldly say and believe: “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” You know that He will use all your traits for good! Even if now it doesn’t “look” so good.
Peace is simply this: even if.
“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
Even if this world is filled with trouble. Sickness. Despair. Worries and circumstances we don’t understand.
I don’t know the reason for a call from a bus that started like this: “I am heading to the ER.” I may never know the reason for an ER visit that resulted in a device just to keep my husband from going into cardiac arrest. Simply put-to keep him alive. I may never know the reason.
But I do know this…I was not without fear in those days. There were moments that I was definitely fearful of what could happen. The doctors were pretty specific and it was a little scary. I can’t say I was not fearful as I sat beside my husband on a Sunday morning in church as he shook in fear for His plan.
But God didn’t allow us to live there for long. We wrestled over the what if’s. Quietly talked to Him, went to sleep. In peace. Because at the end of the day, God knows the reasons for all He allows.
And He doesn’t leave us. He always gives us a message of peace, we just often have to shut off the noise to hear it.
Those distractions that rob us of peace. And it disconnects us from God. Whether it’s the endless scrolling we are doing to find that “calm,” or that approval we are seeking that we already know the world can’t provide. It’s robbing us of peace.
Peace.
It’s accepting the past and all its mistakes. Moving forward. Knowing they shaped you into the person you are today. It’s accepting yourself. Your flaws. Your challenges. All the things He is still working out, and walking with your head held high in the grace He has given. Even if others don’t like you.
Peace.
It’s knowing that life can be scary, and it is often filled with conflict. Once you get over one wave, another one crashes that you have to get over, but your Captain steers you back to shore.
Peace.
It is a reminder that He is here. Walking all the broken roads with us. Never leaving our side. And that even if the mountains fall…even still it is well.
All is well with peace.
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Stay strong and keep the faith
I’ve been waitin’ for breakthrough, I’ve been prayin’ for change; I know You’ll work it all for good but how long will it take? I’ve been asking for healing and I’m not gonna lie I’m ready for the miracle, God, let it be this time.
-Stay Strong, Danny Gokey
I was expecting it. The turn of events I had watched unfold for years. My hopeful soul always wished for a different outcome. Prayed for a miracle. A work of His Spirit. And yet, part of me expected hopes to be dashed.
Because, even though my prayers reached His ears, of that I am certain. They didn’t reach the soul for which I was praying. Change was not taking place. Actions were not moving in a positive, more forward direction.
Jaded, I guess I was. Praying, though I was…I was still expecting the outcome that came. Yet it didn’t make hearing it any easier. The realization of it any less painful to endure. The heartache less challenging to bear.
I hadn’t gotten my breakthrough. But I wasn’t going to lose faith in His miracles either.
In a conversation as I heard these words: “We will be dead before we ever see it,” I felt that pain. I even wondered if those words rang true, and later that day I heard the words in this song, that echoed that same feeling. But with far less hopelessness.
But if I never see the promise on this side of the grave, My hope might be shaken but my faith will never break; Because I know the day is coming when You’ll right all of the wrong. So I’ll praise You in the waiting and my faith will stay strong
There are many who have come before me that didn’t see their promise before the grave. I wasn’t the only one who held onto promises that were not ever seen in ones’ lifetime.
All these people died still believing what God had promised them. They did not receive what was promised, but they saw it all from a distance and welcomed it. Hebrews 11:13
Moses. God made a promise that the Israelites would get to the Promised Land. And they did…but Moses wasn’t there to see it. After 40 years of wandering in the desert, Moses died with the Promised Land just in sight, allowed to see it, but not to enter it (Deuteronomy 34:4).
David. He was promised that a temple would be built through him, but he had to give the blueprints of that temple to his son, Solomon. A temple he would never see built prior to his death (1 Chronicles 28).
And in the Old Testament, a Messiah is promised to redeem and save many times, and many died before this ever came to pass, but Jesus was sent as promised and became the Savior of the World, just as God said.
I don’t know what burdens God has given you to carry for others. I don’t know what prayers you pray for others for which you are desperately seeking breakthroughs. I do know faith is what allows us to continue to pray. To continue to cry out to Him, even when we don’t see change. Even when we don’t see a miracle. Even when we are afraid we won’t see the fruits of our laborious ramblings to God on this side of eternity. Faith is what gives us hope that He will make good on His promise in ways that we don’t understand, and we possibly may not ever see. That may not affect this generation, but perhaps one that reaches far beyond us.
Hopes may be dashed today. Your expectations may be more like disappointments, but His promises are bigger than any of those. Stay strong. Keep praying. Keep hoping. Keep the faith.
Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see. Hebrews 11:1
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About Me
I am January! Wife, mother, meemaw, pastor, and mental health provider who makes it through the day with my coffee, my journal, and my God. A simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic. All focused on Him.
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Grace 'n Grounds 