Grace N Grounds

Encouragement Grounded in His Truth

Hello, I’m January

Inspiration and thoughts on God and faith, written by a simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic.

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  • The one who “sees” you

    Ever had to do an assignment in which you were asked to think about your funeral? Never. Well…I had never been either, until reading through the next chapter in the weekly devotional my husband and I have been completing together.

    Full disclosure: We are on our second round. Really our first and less than half. Let me explain: We got through the first few weeks upon first starting it, only to stop because of a misunderstanding. We misunderstood the others motivation and motives. We also only read it halfway. Meaning we did none of the actual written work.

    So…we started over. From the beginning, because sometimes this is what you have to do in marriages, even long ones-start over.

    But really? Funeral planning? Who wants to think about that? No one, really. We didn’t that night, either. But I did think of this: what would I want to be said about me upon my leaving? What would I want to be known for? Essentially-how do people see me? Do they even see the real me at all?

    I now know. How he sees me, anyway. My husband, that is. A small part of the things he sees me do, that he knows bring God glory. The things he knows about me. My likes. Dislikes. My passions. My gifts. The things that time, commitment, and pure respect allow a person to see.

    This-that pic above-was what I walked into on Sunday morning. I wasn’t going to share this. Thought it could be one of those humble brags. And I am trying to watch those. Watch how they may make others feel, because I know how I tend to compare. Worry at times if my gifts. My talents. Heck, even just me…are good enough compared to others. And I know I’m not alone. The constant bombarding of pics and accomplishments on social media ensures we are not alone in these feelings.

    But, I realized something later.

    I didn’t put this together. I didn’t slap pictures on this board. I didn’t even choose those that would be placed there.

    My husband did.

    I have wondered at times how others see me. How I am viewed by those that encounter me, spend time with me. Am I a good mother? What would my kids say about me? And yes, if I were to go tomorrow, who would write my eulogy? What would they say?

    It’s eye-opening to see yourself through the eyes of another; even if at first the pictures staring at you from a board are a bit jarring.

    I asked my husband in passing who dared to display an entire board of ME, to which he calmly responded, “Me.” Thinking nothing of it, I later did. A lot. This is how he sees me.

    My husband didn’t know me as that little girl in that “then” picture, but he knows about her. He’s heard the stories, and for a good part of a year he watched me fight to find the parts of her I let die. Find the parts of her I held back because someone put her light out once. He listened to the parts of the little girl that didn’t have a voice, that came out to roar. Sometimes in not so loving ways. And he still honored her. The little girl she was, and the woman she is now.

    He knows my coffee and how I like it. He could go to Starbucks and order it, and wouldn’t have to ask me beforehand what I wanted. He’s the one who knows I like the Holiday Blend and buys it in bulk-just because. He sees her. He cares for her. He honors her. Even when she hasn’t had her coffee, and is irritable.

    He knows where I enjoy my coffee, and knows it includes a blanket, a Bible, or a book. He knows I have an extreme fondness for Christmas, and DIY’ing costumes, decorations, and themed costumes and holiday decor. He knows this. He may shake his head, and think some of it is silly, but he honors me. Respects me.

    He knows I have several tattoos on my body, but there’s one that’s special. He knows my life verse, and that tattoo is it. He knows this, because he knows me. He honors me.

    He has supported every ministry endeavor I have been “called” to, even if some I was not able to accomplish. He listened to me, heard my sorrows. Shared in my adventures. Some that even involved slime, duct tape, and whipped cream pies. He has prayed with me and for me, and knew without ever complaining that he was a “co-children’s pastor,” “co-Liberian pastor,” “co-whatever” by default. Because he knows God. He honors Him, and in turn honors me, and what I am called to do for Him.

    He is responsible for the motivation to pursue dreams, because he didn’t allow me to sit and wallow; or give up on them. He touted them, praised them, helped me even tweak some. Because he honors me. He honors the gifts God has given me.

    He has seen me fail. He has seen me rock babies, and grandbabies. Sweat over test results. Triumphed over small kid victories. And climbed every parenting hill and mountain with me. He has been by my side for surgeries. Been my nurse, and for several weeks after wrist surgery even carried my bright blue purse. He watched me cry after an important meeting didn’t go so well, and told me how great I was…even if I left the meeting feeling so less than.

    He sees me as a superhero, and has said as much (even in said meeting) . He believes it even when he knows I have been anything but at times. He has been patient when I not so. He has been strong when I have been weak. He has seen the worst in me, been through the worst with me; and never faltered.

    He has seen mistakes. He has seen mountains moved. He has seen wavering. He has seen steadfastness. He has seen hidden pain. He has seen healing. He has seen the frayed edges often hidden behind the surface, and he has stayed to watch the edges become seamless again. He has watched me come unglued, and has patiently waited for God to put me back together.

    He has seen bad.

    Yet still chooses to see good.

    At the end of the day, this is what it takes to be a godly man. Because God sees our bad, but still chooses to see good too.

    God sees our worst, and helps us become our best.

    He knows us.

    He honors us.

    He respects us.

    Ours has not been perfect. My goodness, no. But we have one thing that insists we stay the course and see each other past the worst we sometimes give: God.

    Maybe you don’t have the one. You know the one. The one all the dating apps tell you you’ll find. Maybe you haven’t found the one who “sees” you just yet. Who sees past your habits, quirks, crazy desire for kettle-cooked chips, or those things others just don’t tolerate for long. You can search for the ONE: God. He is the ONE who sees you. Everything about you. And still sees you with nothing but love. Honor. Respect. Just reach for that ONE.

    With Him you can rest assured someone always sees you.

  • You can have the world. I choose…

    And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul? Matthew 16:26

    Fame. Fortune. Fun. Doing whatever you want, whenever you want. This is the message the world provides. Do this and you will be popular. Be like them and you will be accepted. Work, work, work to get a promotion. A bonus. A raise. Being rich is where real life is at, and if you suck at relationships and commitment…don’t worry-there are plenty of places you can go to look for no-strings attached, get it fast, without any real emotion involved kind of “love.”

    More fame. More fortune. And all the fun you can handle.

    But at what cost?

    Give me Jesus
    Give me Jesus
    Give me Jesus
    You can have all this world
    Just give me Jesus

    I’ve been in the world. I’ve done the things. I’ve lived that party life. The stay out late, drink to the wee hours of the morning kind of life. I’ve hurt people. Some intentionally. Some maybe not so much. I’ve been spiteful. Vindictive. Sought people and things from this world for my own gain. I’ve worked and worked for the “man,” at the expense of time with my family for all the bonuses. I have received awards, praise, but I’ve also certainly made decisions for me. Not anyone else. For me and what I thought I could gain. Who I thought would accept me. To gain or keep love. To move myself forward, forsaking the thoughts and feelings of others.

    I’ve been in this world. 

    You can have it. 

    Because I’ve also been given the chance to choose something different from the empty promises, high life, and riches this world easily offers but cannot provide. I’ve traded in the need to be approved and loved by this world. I have traded in the hustle. The need to work, work, work for riches, awards, and things that never, ever fully satisfy. I have gained the salvation of my soul. So…

    You can have all this world
    Just give me Jesus

  • ,

    Boundaries: Getcha Some!

    Well, it has been recorded. The first full length episode of Mental Health, the Church, and You, has dropped on Spotify

    In the first episode, you will find an introduction to boundaries. Why did I choose boundaries for this first topic? Because unclear boundaries, or a lack of boundaries is believed to be at the core of many mental health issues, and also relationship struggles (source).

    It is also a topic that can misunderstood among Christians, as it is often believed those who follow Christ should not set boundaries because it shows unforgiveness, is mean, or is not Christ-like at all.

    Here are the three things Scripture teaches about boundaries that you will hear more about in this podcast episode:

    Boundaries protect us from evil.

    As indicated in Proverbs 4:23, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” Just as we erect physical fences around our yards to keep bad things out, God directs us to erect a protective shield around our hearts and minds.

    It is OK to say “No.”

    Jesus warned His followers in Matthew 5:37, “Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Anything beyond this is from the evil one.” He was making it clear that we allow people to determine and interpret our boundaries because we tend to be wishy-washy in our answers, especially when asked to do something. We don’t express our desires with definite answers. Just say “yes,” or “no.” “No” is OK, too…

    God sets boundaries for us.

    God sets limits. He sets borders. He decides what goes in and goes out. Teaches us how to keep evil out and let good in, and does so with love.

    Listen to the full episode for more!

  • WWJD-First, Let Me…?

    I had the immense honor and pleasure a bit ago of baptizing my mother-in-law. I’ll share the details of the day in a different post (one related to silly prayers), but I have to say..the feeling was incredible. The honor of being the one chosen to participate with the Holy Spirit is one that really is indescribable. It was my first baptism. And of course Satan beat me up before and after. 

    Before is for that other post. After? You know what he beat me up about after? Pictures. There wasn’t some glorious picture to be shared. No one was standing around snapping photos for social media fame.

    Yes. I am ashamed to admit THAT is what the devil used to make me feel inadequate for that entire week after. The fact that I didn’t have anyone cheering this honor on with me. Well, in terms of social media likes, anyway.

    The week wore on. I battled the devilish monster some more. Considered myself inadequate alongside the pictures of others’ “honors.” Until I considered this: I thought about the time Jesus walked along this earth. I considered Jesus’ baptism.

    After his baptism, as Jesus came up out of the water, the heavens were opened and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and settling on him. And a voice from heaven said, “This is my dearly loved Son, who brings me great joy.” Matthew 3:16-17, NLT

    Jesus. Baptized. We still talk about this day. Yet, it was never posted on any social media platform.

    Jesus. Performed a number of miracles. He healed a leper. He brought sight to a blind man. He raised a man from the dead. We still talk about these events that took place long before any camera was even thought of.

    Does the absence of any form of physical evidence make these occurrences any less powerful? The witnesses to the events any less honored?

    Which leaves me wondering: What would Jesus do with social media? Would he be worried about being “famous?” Loved? Wanted? Accepted? Getting “likes?” “Shares?” A thumbs up? Prior to helping the lady who had the bleeding condition, would he say, “Wait. Let me get a selfie?” Or would he be more worried about “being about his Father’s business;” sharing the message of truth, and his Father’s love?

    I would like to think Jesus’ Insta page would not be filled with heavily filtered selfies, but words of the Father’s love. Messages of hope and compassion for those that desperately need to know about true love, mercy and grace. That his Facebook page would not be filled with only his happy moments, but he would be telling others of the 40 days he fasted, and was tempted by the devil, so others would be aware of his prowling. Yes, even his prowling around on their Facebook feeds. The ways in which social media can become our fuel for affirmation, and not the Lord.

    Case in point:

    I saw the much anticipated envelope waiting for me. I ripped into it with excitement, holding my breath, hoping it really was what I thought was inside. The final piece of confirmation I needed as proof that all the years of work I had put into this long journey had finally paid off. “Here it is!” I said to my husband, commenting that I needed a frame to place it in, so it could be displayed each year once it was renewed. 

    His response? “Don’t you want a picture? You know, to humble brag?”

    Did I? Did I need one? If I didn’t post one for comments and likes, did it mean the time spent. The work put in. The effort. Did it mean it didn’t occur?

    No, that’s not what it meant. It meant I didn’t need to post the picture to feel accomplished. I didn’t need to post the picture to feel honored. I didn’t need the likes to know I had made it.

    Just like that baptism. It still occurred. Despite the lack of a picture. God was still witness to it. The Holy Spirit still showed up, even if social media never got to see it.

    Perhaps you like to commemorate great moments to “celebrate” the milestones. That’s great. If that works for you. Wonderful. I do ask you take heed to one command from Paul as he writes to the church in Colossae: And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father. Colossians 3:17, NLT

    Perhaps you like to scroll through all the accomplishments of others, and you don’t feel the need to compare yours to theirs. I applaud you. I wish I had that willpower at times. I wish the devil didn’t know this is a deep insecurity of mine and didn’t use this to beat on me. If you are an encourager: So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.1 Thessalonians 5:11, NLT

    Or perhaps we could all be more like Jesus, and just let our accomplishments, our works, our efforts speak for themselves. Knowing that even if no one ever took a picture, God is looking down from heaven saying, “This one, this one right here. That is one with whom I am well pleased. That one brings me so much joy!”

  • ,

    What now God: Part 2

    Stories. For several years now, I have used this platform to tell stories. Taken a break for a time. Began again because there were some needing to be told. He placed a desire in me to tell stories. I know that about me. I celebrate that about me.

    Our stories make us feel vulnerable. Vulnerability is a hot commodity. It’s been researched. It is said to be what leads to true authenticity. But it also leaves us wide open. When we make a decision to be vulnerable we are open ourselves up to attack. Think about most elite military arsenals who are waiting for their targets to be “vulnerable.” Defenseless. Susceptible. Without a means to protect oneself. Unguarded. Weak.

    Enemies can prey on the weak and vulnerable.

    I have shared stories. I have been vulnerable. And at times it has left me weak, raw, and open to attack.

    In an effort to be authentic, I have traded transparency for safety. For approval. For the need to fit in and do the next big, cool, and accepted thing that seemed to make me appear “vulnerable.”

    But I sacrificed me.

    I love the author Brene Brown. She studied vulnerability and shame for many years, and this quote resonated with me as I read through many of her thoughts on the subject: “We love seeing raw truth and openness in other people, but we’re afraid to let them see it in us. We’re afraid that our truth isn’t enough without the bells and whistles, without editing, and impressing.”

    We are not enough if we are not doing what they are doing. If our bells, and our whistles do not look and sound like their bells and their whistles. If we begin to do those things because we think we should, or because everyone else is; then we are definitely susceptible. Definitely under attack. Definitely unsafe. We are under attack from becoming someone we were never intended to be.

    I mentioned in my last post I stopped doing videos for silly reasons, yet I wonder if they were truly “silly.” Or if the underlying reason was because doing them was just not me. It isn’t in my makeup. It’s not at my core. To sit behind a video screen, watch myself on camera, and monitor how my arms flail, and my eyelids dart about. I don’t like video screens. I am not made for those. That is not authentically me. That bell and whistle is for someone else. Someone else for whom that form of “voice” is made.

    Me? My authentic voice is the pen. I write. I have since I was little. I do it all the time now. Notebooks stored in drawers, purses, bags, all with thoughts and words that are all jumbled up in my mind until pen hits paper. It is the place where vulnerability meets my genuine voice. It is the place where vulnerability meets truth. It is the place where vulnerability shares raw, real, and honest stories. It is the place where vulnerability seeks to be courageous, though still very flawed. It is me-nothing but me.

    “The core of authenticity is the courage to be imperfect, vulnerable, and to set boundaries.” Brene Brown

    So, I told you mental health, the church, and an some initial lessons on boundaries was what you would get-and you will. Just from my authentic place. Pen, paper (well, computer). My voice. My authentic voice. The place where vulnerability meets truth and courage. Not with the bells and whistles that suit everyone else.

    That is your first lesson on boundaries (the “meat” comes next week!).

    DO NOT apologize for being you. Find your authentic voice, your niche, your bell and whistle, and OWN it.

    Your craft will not be like anyone else’s. Your gift will not be like any others. If God intended it to be this way, He would have made us all the same, and we would all be doing and walking in the same purpose. He didn’t. He made us all different. Gave us a variety of gifts, and many ways to use them. Some are for you. Some are not. You do not need to apologize for not using those that are not for you. Ever.

    Find and stay around people who encourage you in using your authentic craft.

    You will not be for everyone, and that is OK. You do not have to light yourself on fire for them if you are terrified of fire. Those who love you, accept you, and know your dreams and desires will support the unique ways in which you choose to use your voice. Allow them to be your cheerleaders and your guiding lights. You remain light and love to those others, while staying authentic to who you are!

About Me

I am January! Wife, mother, meemaw, pastor, and mental health provider who makes it through the day with my coffee, my journal, and my God; and I am also on some days a hot mess. A simple human, navigating life through the messy and sometimes chaotic.

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